Feel like a failure may have to go to a lesser university

Parents Forum
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<p>Hello all,</p>

<p>I really need some advice about my situation, and I'd greatly appreciate any input. Maybe just typing out all this will help me feel better.</p>

<p>I'm a student at Texas A&M (in the Corps of Cadets) and I've basically lost all my motivation and confidence about college. Before, in high school, I was very happy, had great grades in my classes (including dual and concurrent enrollment courses) and always felt like I could take on the world. Now I don't even know if I'll make it back to this university next year. </p>

<p>My major is computer science. Since sophomore year in high school it has been my passion and is honestly one of the few things I really enjoy. I love programming, and all my homework and lab work goes down smoothly. The test on the other hand always bring out the worst in me. I don't know why, but I just cannot pass a single test this semester. My gpa is going to suffer, and last semester wasn't great either (2.1). </p>

<p>I don't know what the problem is anymore. I spend between 6 and 8 hours a day studying, I don't go out with my friends anymore on weekends, and I've done everything I possibly can. I just cannot for the life of me get the grades I'm trying to get. </p>

<p>I can already tell that I'm probably going to lose the scholarships that I really need in order to afford college, and I'm really scared. I feel like no matter how hard I try not even my best will be good enough to help me at this point. If I can't afford this university I'm probably going to end up at a lesser university and working to pay for it. Hopefully still studying computer science. </p>

<p>I'm really depressed about all this because I feel like a failure and I have no idea how my family will react to all this. I feel like I'm really going to disappoint them all. I don't know how to really feel about all this anymore. </p>

<p>Again, if anybody can offer me some advice I'd greatly appreciate it. </p>

<p>Thanks for reading</p>

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<p>Is this happening in all of your classes? Have you tried talking to your instructors? It could be a case where you’re just not studying efficiently. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There should be a counseling center at your school, too. Get help now. You are not a failure and you still have time to turn things around.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry your having such a tough time.<br>
Go ASAP to your campus counseling center to be assessed for depression. Your depression is more likely the cause than a symptom of lack of success. Also, talk with an academic counselor or advisor to find out about your scholarship status. It should provide some relief to have concrete information about what you need to do to keep it. Test anxiety usually increases the harder you try. I went through a tough year with that in college where I was getting horrible headaches and having tightrope walking nightmares. It took some time to work through the idea of not being perfect - fear of failing. I would have trouble organizing my thoughts on tests because I was so stressed.</p>

<p>After talking with the counseling center and academic advising it may be possible for you to take an incomplete in one class to ease the pressure and finish it later. I don’t know if schools still offer that, but that’s what I did and it gave me a bit of space to collect myself and regroup. Good luck.</p>

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<p>

Good advice to see the counseling center but PLEASE don’t try to diagnose anyone based on a random post in a forum. If you’re a professional you know better; if you’re not a professional you shouldn’t be diagnosing.</p>

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<p>I agree with both pieces of advice you have been given regarding the counseling center and the possibility you are not studying efficiently, or the right stuff. Go to the counseling center just to check and I suggest seeing the professors during office hours and starting to study in a study group with other kids in the class. Ask kids who are doing well if they would like to meet up in the library every m and w from 2-3 or whatever time works. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Oh boy. I could have written this a few times in my life. </p>

<p>I’m a 52 year old father of a Junior in HS and I’ve been where you are. I’ve been there at your age, studying to be an electrical engineer. And I’ve been there a few times more in my life. </p>

<p>The only thing I can tell you is it will pass. You just have to keep pedaling. Please believe things will get better… because they will. Believe it not, you will come out the other side of this emotionally stronger, more capable, more empathetic, a better man all around. Yeah, sounds like BS. It’s not.</p>

<p>First, breathe. Relax and take stock of the situation and what resources you have to combat it. Take a moment now to schedule out your time in a realistic manner. </p>

<p>Start with allocating time for sleep. Sleep deprivation might be a big factor in your situation. You’re probably allocating too much of your much needed sleep period to studying. On top of that, your anxiety is keeping you from a restful sleep. Most adults need between 7 and 8 hours of sleep to maintain their best cognitive state. The younger you are, the more sleep you need. I realize you might be saying “OMG! I don’t have time for that!!” Believe me, you need to make time for it. If you burn out your brain, it’s going to be no good to you… which sounds like the situation you’re in. </p>

<p>Watch what you put into your body. Keep the food extra healthy. No crap. Take a daily vitamin.</p>

<p>Next… Is there any way to lighten your load? Is there a course you can drop? How about assistance? Is their tutoring help you can get? Most colleges I’m visiting with my son offer some sort of free tutoring with students who have taken the class and gotten an “A”. Does Texas A&M have such a thing? Can you communicate with your professors? Perhaps they can make suggestions or help in some way. </p>

<p>Talk to the administration and find out what actually happens with poor grades and when. If your scholarships are in jeopardy, find out what recourse there might be. Grace period? Probation? Perhaps you can make something up in a community college over the Summer? </p>

<p>Get some sleep. Study at a pace and duration your brain can handle. Eat well. No junk food. Pick your battles. You may be better off focusing on a couple/few things than trying to handle everything right now. </p>

<p>You’re worried about letting other people down. Don’t be. They all love you. They may be upset and say things that don’t help, but it’s only because they feel powerless to help you. Been there, got the tee shirt. I didn’t realize my parents were in as much pain as I was, FOR me, not AT me, until many years later.</p>

<p>When an airplane stalls, it stops flying because the angle of attack through the air is too great. Adding power does nothing to rectify the situation… the plane continues to fall, even under full power. The plane WILL CRASH unless the pilot point the nose at the ground, regains airspeed which allows the aerodynamic system of wings and stabilator to once again do their job effectively. </p>

<p>You’re stalling. You feel you’re really close to the ground and you’re afraid to point the nose down. You’re at full power, but you’re still falling. Take the time you think you don’t have and get a good night’s rest. </p>

<p>Eat well. Breathe. Look at the trees for a moment and appreciate being alive. Make a list of the things you need to do and allocate a sane amount of time for each. Let the your system once again do it’s job effectively.</p>

<p>I feel for you. I don’t know you, but if I were there I’d hug you. I’ve been there. I know how deep in the hole you feel. You need to believe me it’s going to get better.</p>

<p>And yes, I agree with those posting above me you should talk to a counselor as well.</p>

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<p>A&M has tutors that can help. Don’t bang your head against the wall, but find some help to get over or around the walls. Best of luck!</p>

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<p>Get help ASAP! You may just have some test anxiety that breathing-biofeedback, therapy or medication may help. A good professional specialist will help you.</p>

<p>Talk to the school about your scholarship situation.</p>

<p>Don’t give up! Gov. Perry didn’t have the best grades at A&M either!! When you are Governor some day you will look back on this episode as some thing that taught you the value of determination.</p>

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<p>First off maikai told you everything that you needed to hear. Follow his advice he speaks from experience.</p>

<p>Secondly here is the link for Texas A&M counseling services they are all FREE paid by your tuition fees: [Welcome</a> to the Student Counseling Service | Student Counseling Service](<a href=“Counseling & Psychological Services”>Counseling & Psychological Services) </p>

<p>At the couseling center I suggest you look into stress management, and how to improve your study habits. Go there NOW dont wait another second. See a counselor be honest with the counselor in other words lay it all on the line. They will help you.</p>

<p>What is most important for you to understand is that you are special all you need is some guidance and advice. Maikai suggested dropping a class? This may not be a bad idea. Again speak with the counselor.</p>

<p>And Maikai also mentioned sleep. Sleep is everything without it we lose focus and no matter how many hours you study without sleep you will not retain what you are studying.</p>

<p>Good Luck to you and remember you are not alone. We are here to serve as a sounding board. But the most important step you can take tomorrow morning is to go the center. The folks there are professionals they help students like you everyday.</p>

<p>Whatever you do. Know that you are special and should never doubt your abilities.</p>

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<p>Just so you know…there are people here who care about you. As adults who have lived through disappointments, we can attest to the fact that life DOES get better. Just when life seems to be at its worst, miraculously, things do turn around. Take care of yourself, and realize that things WILL get better. I promise…</p>

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<p>maikai’s post is full of good advice. I’m going to add also - go to your professor’s office hours and ask for help. My son spent a lot of time in a prof’s office with a class he was having trouble with last semester. It really can help, and that’s what they’re there for.</p>

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<p>To me the alarm goes off with this “in the Corps of Cadets”. I am an Ag (Class of 79) and my brother was in the Corps. I’m sorry, sweetie, but it is kinda a cult. It is. You are surrounded by people telling you how to act and what to do – and there are constant penalties for doing or thinking differently. It is easier for juniors and seniors but it still a very, very hard path you are on. </p>

<p>You may be at a point where your body and soul are realizing it’s not for you – but you are brainwashed enough that you don’t want to “be a quitter” – if you even so much as make a peep to your buddies that you are exhausted, overwhelmed and not having fun you know you’ll get a big lecture on “being tough” so you can’t share how you feel. </p>

<p>You are in the same boat as an abused wife who feels exhausted, depressed and unhappy but she feels she can’t leave the relationship because of her “vows” of marriage. </p>

<p>My suggestion is that you flee for home ASAP. I hope that spring break is coming up soon. Get out of the Corps Quad and spend a couple of days in a separate location (home is really good). Go for a walk with your parents (walking is so much more powerful than sitting across a table) and tell them how overwhelmed you are – and how conflicted. Tell them you need some time off. They may resist this notion (having paid for the semester already) – if you have to, tell them that you’ll pay back the money one day for this lost semester but you really need to be gone from Aggieland for a bit. </p>

<p>Take some time. Taking a couple of months now may save your life. You need to be away from Aggieland and regain your bearings with the bigger world. After parking cars or washing golf balls or flipping burgers for a few months your thinking will crystalize. Either you will realize you love the Corps and want back in or you’re ready to turn the page and do something different. </p>

<p>So don’t “quit” — take some time to breathe and reflect. </p>

<p>Once you have a bit of distance between you and Aggieland, you can really put your finger on what has zapped you. And you can make some choices on what you can stand and what you can’t. </p>

<p>Life is complex. There may be much you love and honor about being an Ag. But I think you’re also finding there’s some things that eat at the core of who you are – and you are are at the point that you can’t ignore that anymore. </p>

<p>Take a step back. Get out of town and do some breathing and thinking. I’m rooting for you. I hope a different major, a different unit or some other change will make all the difference – but it’s hard to make that happen when you are up to your neck in alligators. </p>

<p>I suspect that if you get out of town, you may suddenly think “My God, how could I have survived this? This has been nuts!” and you’ll have a very clear notion of what needs to be different for you to be ok.</p>

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<p>PS Our presidents often say “every option is on the table” when dealing with an international crisis. They mean it – because that full tool box gives the brain full range of thinking. Don’t think anything is off the table (as in “I can’t change majors” or “I can’t leave the Corps for six weeks” or “I can’t change units”). I assure you that the world will keep turning if you did any or all of those. Will you get lectured? Sure. Will you get the fish eye and the curled lip of disgust? Probably. But it’s your life. </p>

<p>When friends declined to buy an overpriced condo time share in Hawaii, the salesman gave them the curled lip of disgust and told them they were idiots. The salesman didn’t know he was talking to a pair with IQ’s in the genius range. Just because you collect a sneer or a lecture doesn’t mean you are wrong about the choice you feel you’re ready to make.</p>

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<p>More thoughts for our struggling Aggie:</p>

<p>Also on the table should be dropping one or more of the courses that are drowning you. Don’t just accept that the “Drop date is past” – you can take an I for incomplete or have a medical deferment – this might mean changing summer plans or taking an online course later – but don’t go rolling into the final if that way points toward a likely D or F. Get help from a dean to avoid that semester ending. </p>

<p>My bro ended up switching from Engineering to the less demanding Engineering Tech major. That helped and let him stay with his beloved Corps of Cadets. </p>

<p>A cousin took a required math course at some local college (Bryan Community College?) to get past one speed bump. </p>

<p>My two sons are computer programmers and they both talk about “getting into a zone” where they can be productive – often late at night. This wouldn’t match well with early morning roll call at all, so they schedule late in the day classes. If your time line of each day isn’t working, then don’t be afraid to say “This needs to change or I’m flunking out” to upperclassmen. If they don’t hear you and work with you, then don’t accept their leadership – take it further (one of the scary things about the Corps is that you have 20 year olds directing the lives of 18 year olds – and some of the 20’s are fanatically rigid). The words to use are “Sir, you are ignoring my crisis. Yelling at me is not the correct leadership response that will lead to a lasting solution”. You’re not the failure if you’re working hard-- their leadership is.</p>

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<p>And talk to the profs about your testing problems. They don’t want to bomb either. There may be some things that can happen to turn the testing around. </p>

<p>More than one Cadet has been on academic probation for multiple semesters. Get help. Don’t look like you can’t be bothered – there are some lifelines available but you have to shout for them.</p>

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<p>[Student</a> Learning Center](<a href=“http://slc.tamu.edu/]Student”>http://slc.tamu.edu/) might be able to help you. Go see them.</p>

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<p>The fact that you are not having problems with the labs or the homework indicates you can learn the material but can not succeed in demonstrating your knowledge of the material under test conditions. My eldest son who is a junior Geology major at California State University Sacramento in some ways resembles you. He took three semesters of Calculus and on each midterm you never knew what would happen. Sometimes he got the highest grade in the class on a midterm and sometimes he would fail the next test. It just seemed that when he was in a good state of mind he could really perform but if the stars were somehow out of alignment he just floundered.</p>

<p>I think that you have failed so many tests now you have fallen into a state of mind where, even though you know the material, you expect failure under test conditions, become anxious and you are unable to show what you know on the test. It is not really possible to exactly reproduce test situations for practice purposes but you should try. The next time you have a homework assignment go to an empty classroom, set a time limit in which you must finish the work and see how you do. You may want to repeat this exercise until you are comfortable with doing the problems under the same physical conditions and time constraints you would face on a real test. Hopefully this will strengthen your confidence in your ability to pass tests and each success will lead to another one.</p>

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<p>OK young man you asked for advice we gave it. Where did you go?</p>

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<p>Yeah, I’m worried too. Hope this guy is ok.</p>