*sigh* College *sigh*

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Well, Ive been feeling pretty down these last few days and I might as well talk it out to a bunch of random people who don't know me at all >_<.</p>

<p>I have been looking over all the threads and it seems a BUNCH of freshmen are freaking out over college. So I felt like people here would know how to deal with it.</p>

<p>My anxieties over college started a while back and I made this thread: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/780885-incoming-freshman.html#post1063253123%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/780885-incoming-freshman.html#post1063253123&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p>

<p>Overall, it hasn't really gotten any better, despite listening to all of your advices... I went to the Student Health Services to find some help dealing with my new "home" and I was stuck with a straight out of college idiot who made me feel worse. </p>

<p>My tests have been going relatively average or below average despite more well planned very well thought out study schedules. I had just studied a week for my Calc III exam and got pretty much destroyed because the night before I couldn't sleep (much) and could not calm down to take the exam at a steady pace. I hope I got in the 60s at the very least...</p>

<p>I went to tutoring (which didn't open until AFTER the first chem test - which went horribly) and I found a good tutor, but useless when I actually need someone at the moment.</p>

<p>I guess the main thing that concerns me is whether I will make it into grad school. I am a biomedical engineer and I came in almost sophomore standing, which means that I have less time to bring my grades up when BMEs usually need to obtain a grad. level degree to find an entry level job. In order to be even considered for my BS/MS program, which I definitely want to do, I would have to maintain at least a 3.4 GPA and that just doesn't seem like its happening right now.</p>

<p>Its just hard being on my own and playing around with debt, with so many worries that I am going to fail and end up not paying back my debt and not paying back my parents, who are using part of their retirement funds to pay for my education. But to the administration, I am still just a grade point average and a bag of money - it just seems all too callous. </p>

<p>Anyways, I guess this is me trying to vent. Feels a little better to get this out of my system...</p>

2

<p>yeah, problems do exist, believe me, but they can be overcome. I don’t really know if you are still a Freshman or what but my main advice would be to transfer to a LAC. Maybe your issues might abate with a smaller and more personal college…maybe not.
If that option is out the door, fight the system. Most people are marginalized by the system, and yeah, america bites them in the ass. Some people can’t even go to school because they were born into abject poverty so they are screwed to begin with. So your only option is to use the options you have around you and work, work, work. Work to get into grad school. Not everyone gets into it for a reason.
It is difficult to live on your own, rely on yourself, and juggle debt, but thats the individualistic place we were born into. “It” is all too callous; I agree with you whole heartidly.
Feel free to get anything out of your system and onto the system.</p>

3

<p>Thanks reillytheman. I hope that I can achieve my goals and dreams, no matter how hindered they seem to be at the moment. It just hurts going from being a straight A student to trying to pass by life day by day with no idea what is going to happen. </p>

<p>I feel so burned out and my colleagues always seem to be having fun way more often than me. I know its my sacrifice to do well (or pass) in college, but makes me angry that people don’t take this as seriously…</p>

<p>I guess I will just have to wait and see for my results on my calc III exam.</p>

4

<p>I have been feeling rather down lately, so I am going to resurrect this thread… </p>

<p>I haven’t been able to sleep well these past few days… My poor grades are causing more anxiety and at this point my motivation is starting to leave and I don’t even know if I can pick up a book and study. I have done everything and its still not working and yesterday I spoke with my academic adviser…</p>

<p>If there is anyone out there who went through similiar experience, I would very much like to know what really motivated you through finishing your degree and pushing harder with no idea what would happen.</p>

5

<p>“Its just hard being on my own and playing around with debt, with so many worries that I am going to fail and end up not paying back my debt and not paying back my parents, who are using part of their retirement funds to pay for my education.”</p>

<p>THIS is all you need for motivation, kiddo. If you screw up because you don’t feel like studying, you and your parents are going to be in all that debt FOR NOTHING. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic, TRUST me, I am, but if you can find no other motivation you need to start with that-- because it’s huge. Your parents did you a SERIOUS favor by taking from their retirement to help lessen your debt. Don’t take their sacrifice for granted.</p>

<p>Otherwise, maybe a change in major? That sounds drastic but sometimes when people get to college and start taking the classes, they don’t like what they thought they did. What did the adviser tell you? Have you been going to office hours and working with your professors to help bring your grades up? Requesting info about extra credit opportunities? You can still do this! Just don’t forget to take care of yourself. I have been running on three hours of sleep a night since mid-october, and lo and behold I am sick and my grades are going down. You can’t get away with running yourself ragged forever, but you’ve still got to get the work done. You need to find a way.</p>

6

<p>I was thinking what TwistedxKiss said…maybe a change in major should be considered. It sounds like you are putting so much pressure on yourself to succeed that you are overwhelmed with anxiety. Do you enjoy your classes or is it just about the tests and grades? Is this a subject you want to be studying? </p>

<p>You might want to rethink your reasons for your major and for going to college to begin with. College can be challenging and should be, but you are putting yourself under so much pressure that you are not enjoying anything. What would you like to be studying? What are you passionate about?</p>

<p>My son thought he wanted to be a business major, but hated the business courses he had to take so he started looking into communications and took some of those courses, didn’t like them all that much either. Finally he realized he liked his art classes the most and wanted to go into graphic design. He transferred to a school with a great art dept. and while he is challenged with his work, it is rewarding.</p>

<p>It’s OK to redefine your goals in college. This is the time to do it before you have a degree in something you hate. Do some soul searching and look inside yourself to see what you want to accomplish, where your passion lies and what you want to get out of your college experience. Take a step back, a deep breath and change what needs to be changed to make you happy.</p>

7

<p>You have both given me a lot to think about, you have no idea what it means to me personally that you took the time to help…</p>

<p>I choose engineering to pursue because its what I have done for the past 4 years. It has given me a head start in college and a good understanding of the material prior to coming to college. </p>

<p>Believe me, I considered other pathways, but it always comes right back to engineering. I enjoy sciences and I enjoy thinking about how the world works and what people can do to influence it. I think engineering is the best application of knowledge obtained from sciences and mathematics to solve huge problems and help people, a cause that I have always wanted to contribute to. </p>

<p>I wanted to do business before going to college, but after I realized that my severe lack in social skills would close me down from important business deals, I knew right away that it would never work out unless something drastically changed…</p>

<p>As for my plan on this path I want to get into the BS/MS program at my school and obtain both degrees, which will pretty much set off the education requirements for BMEs. After that, I will have to see how I have developed and what direction I should take (and the business side will still be open at that point anyways)…</p>

<p>I have so many goals right now and so many things that I just cannot fail in, which is why I have so much anxiety. I don’t want to fail my family, nor do I want to fail myself. It just hurts to see me get up and work harder, just to be pushed down harder. After years of that in high school and now in college, it just has been really hard on me, now especially since I have so many people depending on me to do well.</p>

8

<p>You know, it really sounds as if the stress you’re under is causing a lot of the problems you’re having that are causing the stress.</p>

<p>There really doesn’t seem to be a way for you to start getting a steady stream of As right now. And I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. You’re trying to learn to do something difficult. Of course it’s hard at first. What you need to do is to persevere and to learn from the troubles you’re having right now so that in the future you do better.</p>

<p>I think that if I were in your shoes and I were committed to engineering (even if only for now and even if I were open to finding something else to do), I would “give myself permission” to fail. (After all, it’s not like forbidding myself to fail would be effective, would it?) I would decide that I would work hard, and if I failed, I’d fail, but I’d just do my best to learn from that failure. And I would start reminding myself every day that when I started working on applications for whatever the next stage was, my attitude would be “I had a hard time getting started, but I persevered, and I learned from my mistakes, and I began to get things right. Anyone who wants to change the world is going to fail sometimes, and they may fail a lot of times, and what is really important is that they hang in there and they learn from their mistakes and they apply that knowledge and they do better. I think that’s something that is crucial in an engineer, and I think my track record shows you that I can do that.”</p>

<p>(I do believe this, and not just about engineers. It’s something I have struggled with in my own life, and what I’ve learned is that if I keep trying and I do my best to learn every day from whatever I’m doing, I get better at what I’m doing and eventually, even if it takes awhile, an opportunity comes along that I am ready for and I am able to take it.)</p>

<p>If what you end up learning is that you can’t do engineering (and I don’t think that what you’re experiencing now shows that you can’t do engineering, but that’s the worst case scenario, right?), well, then you’ll also have learned something about the way you <em>do</em> think, and you will be able to apply that knowledge in whatever you choose to do next.</p>

<p>But if all you think about is the fact of your failures, then you will never be able to overcome them. That’s a trap I fall into somewhat regularly, and I have to work to get myself out of it, because when I’m in that trap I never really do move forward in anything. But when I look at my failures as a chance to learn something new (even if it isn’t something I am particularly eager to learn), things start to go better for me.</p>

<p>Have you ever read Pepper White’s “The Idea Factory”? I learned a lot from that book. It’s about a guy who goes to MIT to become an engineer, really struggles at first, and then eventually starts figuring things out. He never becomes the overachiever he probably fantasized that he would be, but he becomes quite capable in his own way, and he goes off ready to succeed at life.</p>

<p>I realize that the job market these days adds a whole frightening dimension to your struggles that I’ve been lucky enough not to have to deal with at the most frightening and failure-ridden parts of my life, and I understand that I am not an engineer, but I thought I would just tell you this, because it is hard for me every time, but every time I’ve applied it, it has worked for me. And if it doesn’t make sense to you … well, I hope at least you’ll know that there is one more (clueless :slight_smile: ) person rooting for you.</p>

<p>Try and be gentler with yourself, okay? The world is tough enough without you being so hard on yourself.</p>

9

<p>Thanks nontraditional, your words have very strongly impacted me. I just can’t thank you enough for what you wrote and they have motivated me to try this again with a new mindset. I don’t even know how to respond…</p>

<p>I guess im still a kid making mistakes, but thats alright… I might not reach my goals this semester, but that just means i will need to work ever harder next semester. I want reach this goal so bad… </p>

<p>Oh well - wish me luck, the test comes back tomorrow…</p>

10

<p><em>fingers crossed</em></p>

11

<p>hey buddy</p>

<p>dont forget to smell the rosesssssss</p>

<p>:)</p>

<p>fo sho</p>

<p>i feel so good :slight_smile: :)</p>

<p>and oh ya… dont give up…</p>

12

<p>So, how are you doing? I hope it was good news – either that you did better than you expected or that you learned that many of your classmates are having similar problems. But more than I hope for a particular outcome on the test, I hope that you’re feeling less stressed than you have been.</p>

13

<p>Well, it was bad as I planned, I got a D. I sat down with the teacher to talk. It feels so much worse that I knew exactly what to do in each case. I could have gotten a 100 or least ended up in the high 90s. Its pointless to argue about this test anymore…</p>

<p>Thanks for caring though nontraditional. I will try to always keep your words in mind when proceeding this next year. It just feel bad coming home for Thanksgiving to see my parents and telling them that I might not do well in Calc after I prepared all summer for the class and that chemistry isn’t so hot either… </p>

<p>All of these problems… =/.</p>

14

<p>^they’re not problems </p>

<p>RSTB</p>

15

<p>Good luck with your parents. I hope they understand that things can get a lot harder when you switch from high school to college.</p>

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<p>TheMan777,</p>

<p>I remember you from the BU boards and I do remember that you commented on my transfer thread a few months ago. I still lurk here at CC, making a post on the BC or Harvard board every so often, and I came upon your thread here!</p>

<p>I will like to mention that you are not alone in this existential despair over grades. There are many high school overachievers who arrive at college and finally realize that their steady stream of A’s is over. This can be quite traumatic, especially when good grades are all that some of these overachievers care about. But it does not necessarily have to translate into despair. I recommend, firstly and foremost, that you just relax. It’s almost Thanksgiving.</p>

<p>And secondly, you may find that you will learn far more from this recent of episode of underachievement than you would have, had you maintained those high grades in Calculus III and Chemistry. Many men before you and many men after you will encounter many times the failure that you have just experienced. It is natural. Just pick yourself up and start over next semester. No biggie.</p>

<p>And finally, don’t GPAs matter less in engineering? I know someone who graduated from Northeastern’s engineering school with barely a 2.0 GPA. He currently works as a load scheduler for a local electrical utility.</p>

<p>Anyways, relax, don’t forget to have fun, and good luck. That is all I can say, really. It is truly a pity for any young person to have spent his or her entire experience at college worrying over tests and GPAs and schoolwork - naturally they things that one should be concerned with, yes, but if it gets out of hand, then it will negatively impact the quality of your college experience.</p>

17

<p>Thanks XX55XX, I have moved on, no matter how hard its been. I remember you too were struggling in BC, though over different issues. How has that been going? Did you find the answer you had been looking for? </p>

<p>I have utilized as many resources that my school has given me in the mental health department, visiting several several places and scheduling meetings. I figure its better than sitting here and complaining like everyone else.</p>

<p>I am just going to finish up this week and go home Thursday and see my family and explain what has been occurring. I think its time to stop hiding. Regardless, they have noted how proud they are that I am independent and trying my best, which has always given me pride and confidence in myself. </p>

<p>I guess the main point of maintaining a good GPA for me is to be able to get into grad school and moreover to prove to myself that I have the ability to conquer college. I do believe that people are generally more lenient to engineering students, but that is to an extent.</p>

<p>Thank you so much for your help everyone!</p>