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<p>This is exactly what my freshman is experiencing. Other than social-adjustment issues, she is not nearly the stress case that she was in high school.</p>
<p>Even though my daughter plans to continue being a very involved student in college she is counting on not having to get up at 4:50 am every morning for classes and on being close to everything. Right now it is a 40 minute drive to the high school and most of her friends live at least 30 minutes away. Cutting out the commute time and having to take classes before 8:00 am will be a life saver for her.</p>
<p>Even though I take responsibility for a lot of her chores during school time, when things do get a little slow she steps up to the plate without hesitation and she does try to regularly keep her bedroom and bathroom clean.</p>
<p>My D had a similar experience Jr and Sr years in HS because of Varsity sports and heavy AP load. Ultimately, her sleep cycle go very upset as she tended towards insomnia (from anxiety) anyway. It took until mid-year Soph year in college to understand what had happened and how her body adopted a 72 hour circadian rythym–up for 48, sleep for 24 (if possible and if not, effectively sleep walk through the day). It was awful and we thought (and she thought) she was having some kind of psychotic break. Don’t let the sleep cycle get disturbed. Sleep is way more important than kids (or most of us) realize.</p>
<p>I have a schedule quite similar to your kids (though it’s a bit lighter now I’m a second semester senior), and while I love being so involved I would also love to get more sleep. I aim for 7 hours/night during the week, though it’s usually closer to 6 or 6.5, and 9-10 hours/night on the weekends. Naps have never worked for me, so I try to boost myself mid-afternoon with some dance music and/or a snack. My life is hectic and crazy, but I’m not willing to sacrifice it for things other than basic needs (sleep, food).</p>
<p>I am also looking forward to wasting less time (commuting is the big one for me) in college, being able to walk to everything, and waking up later.</p>
<p>And my mother does sometimes complain that I don’t help her with housework enough. I keep my room pretty clean, I set the table for dinner every night, I do the dishes one day per weekend (my brother takes the other day), and I do my own laundry, but other than that I’m usually too busy to do housework. It’s a bit of a shame, because I recognize that knowing some of this stuff is going to be useful later in life, and I actually enjoy some of the stuff I never have time to do (like bake with my mom).</p>
<p>I do think we are training our kids to massively underestimate how much time running a household takes. 6 AP’s or full IB plus some EC’s means there just isn’t time in the day for much household contribution beyond feed the dog or take out the trash.</p>
<p>^^I disagree…I do the house’s laundry, the dishes, and clean both bathrooms…I have a full AP load plus ECs to boot</p>
<p>The analogy of ‘burning the candle at both ends’ is cute but I’m not sure it is the correct one. </p>
<p>There are some kids, adults and seniors who just have a brighter candle and a lot more wax to go with it.</p>
<p>Plays are crazy in general, but people manage by squeezing stuff at any moment they are off-stage and telling themselves it is just for a few weeks when the long rehearsals start.</p>
<p>Finding balance can comes from examples we share with our kids. If your child is interested in a lot of different activities, are they pursuing the activities because they “think” it will look good on their EC lists/resumes, or are they involved because they are interested. The former might cause them to feel overextended, the latter might cause them to feel like there isn’t enough hours in the day-if only there was 25 hours instead of 24…and they don’t mind.
I encourage my DD to make time for herself so that she has time to do everything she wants to do. The me time might include a massage, sleeping in, getting her nails done or a visit to the acupuncturist.
Will these activities continue in college? If they did the EC’s for themselves, then they probably will in some form or another. If they did it just for admission to a great college, they may not.
If you haven’t seen the new independent film-Race to Nowhere-very enlightening on this every subject.
-APOL-a mom</p>
<p>I can’t really add to what has been said, other than to say I agree with vicarious parent that some kids have a brighter candle and more wax. I think we’d all agree that people have different energy levels, different degrees of physical endurance, and different tolerance thresholds for stress and busyness. But I also agree with the caution that you have to be on the look out for a sudden decrease in wax. No one is superhuman, and if your child crashes unexpectedly it could have serious consequences. My friend’s child also fell asleep in the car, and another friend’s D developed an eating disorder from late night studying. She’d snack to keep herself awake and would eat sweets to reward herself for working so hard, but then the lack of sleep led to depression and bulimia.</p>
<p>Agreed. My 2 boys, 19 and 18 both were totally different in how much sleep they needed(from infancy) and their responses to stress.
It is so much harder to get into these top schools than when we went-you can’t just be smart anymore. My H and I were amazed what it took to get my number #1 into a top school, and he is smarter than both of us. Therefore his B has been driving himself into the ground for the last year. The thing is that when he does too much, he gets sick, and he’s worse off than ever.And I can’t say anything like relax or don’t worry about that poor test grade, one little thing doesn’t matter. Our family’s experience has been that it does, so no rest til June!</p>
<p>I love all these metaphorical references to a brighter candle. I just think his schedule is so jammed packed from early morning, <7:00am til late at night. But he loves it. And yes, he’s doing these activities because he loves to keep busy and active, not because he’s trying to get into some college (too late for that anyway…just a few more weeks!)</p>
<p>But from another perspective, I wonder how that type of schedule affects all kids, since I’m sure he’s not alone. I mean, Is all this mutli-tasking and involvement a good thing? How is not a good thing?</p>
<p>This was eggson through out HS. APs, dual credit with local CC, leadership position in Scouts and Venturing, orchestra in a demanding arts magnet, robotics, tutoring, extracurricular sport with lots of practice and tournaments, individual music lessons…</p>
<p>S has always called himself an overachiever and when we discussed his crazy schedule, he once told me that he didnt understand people who didnt stay as busy with so many activities. He enjoyed having so many outlets</p>
<p>Now he is a college freshman, still in orchestra and taking private lessons. Has pledged APO, still has an adult role in Scouts, keeps up grades and scholarship. Dropped his sport, but has added GF and electric guitar to the mix. He still enjoys having many diverse interests and activities.</p>
<p>Some kids thrive on a busy schedule. D was very busy in HS with AP, dance ,school activities and loved it. First semester in college she had a lot of free time on her hands and is much happier now that she has a job in addition to school. She has even told me that she wastes too much time if she has less to do and is happier being busy.</p>
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<p>It would be a disaster for my kid, just as it would have been a disaster for me. We need down time, which we both can fill very fully with independent activities. Right now D is writing a novel-length story. She’s always learning something, just not learning it in a structured environment (outside of school work).</p>
<p>Each individual needs to find his/her own balance. At different times in our life, it means juggling different things. When there is more unstructured time, some folks are able to use that well to develop and refine special interests while others feel it is squandered. We’re all different in our preferences.</p>
<p>I know, I enjoy having “down time” I can spend with loved ones or I tend to get pretty socially isolated (my job involves a lot of independent work).</p>
<p>I work better with a full schedule, and I doubt I’m alone. Junior year was crazy in terms of overcommitment, but I loved every minute of it. Senior year’s not as bad, but still overall is draining, but I’m still enjoying it. If you do things you’re passionate about and interested in, it’s not as bad as it might seem. It shouldn’t cause stress if you’re really doing what you love…</p>
<p>One observation I have made, now that many mothers are having to seek outside work for the first time in maybe 15-18 years, in addition to the home duties- just to help pay for first child’s college- wow their tunes have changed! They are getting home at 5:30 and crashing, things are slipping in all areas, and the are really different people. Known them since our children were in elementary school. And forget volunteering- no way they say. Me? have always worked and tried to provide cupcakes and such, and they know this…so I have had many conversations about how they now feel about the sports,school, EC,volunteer no summer break schedule their kids had forced to study most night well past 1:00 am–how about the multy tasking, full schedule makes them happy, don’t need more ralt start piling up 10-20-30 yrs later and now we say…hmmmmmm maybe we needed to then 6 hours sleep now? Really interesting conversations, and since they are my friends they have AH HA moments. Results, most of them have cut back on their other childrens commitments, mainly because THEY can’t drive them everywhere, and THEY need to go to bed by 10 pm.</p>
<p>Just something to think of. Do we demand as much of ourselves year after year? Do we LOVE IT? do we do everything to the best of possible level? Are we not tiered, dont we need vacations rather than year round travel sport commitments? And where does it all end. Maybe they will jump into the same scedule at a career (which is now more themn ever turning into a 12+ hr per day commitment- and heavy travel schedules?) Will there be families in their future? Will they beable to do what others need, or will it always be about THeiR schedules?</p>
<p>This reminds me of the 70’s divorce culture shift, oh so positive at the beginning, so freeing for woman to have it all…and then time and unanticipated effects on society in general-was it all good, for all? </p>
<p>I am really worried about this race for the "dream school"college movement, and total failure for the student if they fall short. It starts so early,lasts so long and now is a norm in our society. </p>
<p>Son at top school, but now surfs daily, 3-4 college classes during the week, rather than 6 AP/community college classes EVERY day, and very few EC, if you don’t count IM sports,Frat philanthropy and driving all his friends to the hospital to fix teeth, get stitches ect, since he is one of the few with a car.</p>
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<p>I don’t think more than a tiny percentage of kids get on the “dream school” train. Or if they do have a “dream school”, it’s probably somewhere they actually have good chance of getting in, like the state U with the best football team.</p>
<p>But I do feel sad when I hear about these kids who spend all their time DOING things. Some of the best memories of my teen years are the times I was doing nothing . . . Playing with the dog or engrossed in an entertaining (and not even peripherally educational) book.</p>