<p>Thanks to CC (and my lurking around these parts), I found out that UMD had posted decisions online...of course, I tracked D down at her boyfriend's house and had her check! She was accepted---yay! Now only 3 more schools (and whether UMD will give her any merit $$--oos) to find out about between now and April 1.</p>
<p>My D2 (Jr) is absolutely swamped with mail and email from colleges. D1 (Sr) is busy with her film projects (and awards!!!)...totally uninterested in the mail. </p>
<p>I did get her to schedule a campus visit to one of the schools she was accepted to in early March...I was so happy to make the hotel reservation! I felt like I finally had something proactive to do.</p>
<p>I have again hijacked my d's username. I am right there with all of you. My d was deferred from her first choice which was hard but orignally not too devastating. She had a safety school she had loved since 8th grade. She was accepted with a large merit scholarship (made me happy) however everything changed after she did an overnight at her safety school. We had visited the campus several times but she had never spent the night. After her overnight she realized she could never spend four years there which has thrown all of her plans into complete chaos. This is a kid who has had her life planned since about age 7. Making matters worse she is a recruited athlete at the safety school and loves the coach. The coach keeps emailing and calling. D does not want to hurt the coaches feelings but I think she should just be honest and tell the coach she will not be attending. She feels as though all her friends know exactly what they are doing and where they are going and she is in limbo. She has just shut down over the whole college issue. She refuses to discuss it. If I try to talk to her about it we end up in a screaming match. I try not to nag and have the attitude that it will all work out and she will end up where she needs to be. I wish there were another adult she were close enough with to discuss her options. It is tough because I am a single parent with no family to speak of - my parents passed away in the last couple years and I sure miss them now. They were very close with my d and I am sure she would have been able to talk to them and she may even have listened to their advice. Oh well, the decisions are hers to make but the entire situation is frustrating. I know part of the problem is that I am having a hard time thinking of her leaving home, she has been my life for 18 years. Of course the little brat will not even consider a college within a 350 mile radius of our home. I think she is ripping my heart out on purpose - lol.</p>
<p>daviban, I am a single parent as well and my kid has been gone for almost 2 years and it takes some getting used to but it is fine, good and the way things should be. My only suggestion is to step way back and out of the decision-making process until asked. Just let it go right now. Do something else. I know that is hard and this is the hardest time, the waiting; but let your daughter pick her way through this. She probably knows what she wants. She may be feeling that she has to navigate the minefield of parental expectations as well as her own. Paying for college is a whole other issue: when all the acceptances and financial aid packages are in, you can both sit down and revisit options. My two cents.</p>
<p>I honestly do not have any parental expectations, wherever she decides to go is fine. She has never even met her father, he walked out when I was pregnant. Nice guy, he is a 4th grade teacher about 50 miles from our home. I think for my d, the only expectations are her own. She has always put such pressure on herself to be perfect that I never have, as a matter of fact I tell her to stop studying and go out and have some fun. She is so serious! I really don't think she knows what she wants, the deferral from her first choice hit her hard. Since the safety school did not end up being what she thought all her plans were negated. All of this is partially her fault, she visited the safety in October, I told her to look at other schools but she wouldn't listen. We don't talk about any of this very often. Actually, I don't see her very much now that her sport has started. If she is home she is studying. I am sure it will work out but I still wish she would go closer to home! She has been accepted everywhere she applied except her first choice, I guess we will find out by April 1 on that one, but since she was deferred her expectations are low. As far as paying for it I think I can handle pretty much anywhere she decides on - she has some money my parents left her and I have decided to get a second job. Lord knows I will have time on my hands. </p>
<p>There are some other issues as she has OCD and is currently obsessed with excercising. I fear she has excercise anorexia - another subject she won't discuss. Everytime I bring this one up she just screams at me that she does eat. True, but she is probably burning off well over a 1000 calories a day just in excercise, plus are bananas and rice cakes really eating? I guess when I think about it I would prefer she attend a small LAC, I think the smaller LAC's provide a more supportive environment which would be beneficial for my highly strung daughter. The way I look at it in 2 and a half months it will be all over, at least the decision part! </p>
<p>Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.</p>
<p>I'll join the club even though it's #3 of 3 kids it has been especially difficult this go around. We were encourged to apply early to Florida schools and spent the last portion of the summer getting essay's, recommendations, transcripts and applications done so we could apply at the end of September. We applied to 6 schools got two acceptances back immediatly (both safe schools) and three deferals for mid term grades. Given the performance of my daughter it was somewhat unexpected. We were just told that the early pool has a large number of outstanding candidates and your daughter didn't make the first cut, so now you are off into the regular pool of applicants. So instead of really enjoying her senior year she has been working very hard and pulled straight A's at mid terms which we sent off last week. But in the meantime waiting from October to what will be March has been a numbing process especially when there isn't anything new happening from the school. I am glad when this will be over and also glad it's the last one.</p>
<p>Daviban, can you enlist the help of your D's coach in hs as a 2nd adult to give advice/listen - who isn't mom?</p>
<p>Daviban, Wow. Its hard to be a single parent when things get tough. As I read your posts, I too worry about your D moving towards anorexia. She has many of the symptoms: perfectionism, difficulty adjusting to change, catastrophizing the rejection from #1 school, shifting from loving to hating her safety, OCD, excessive exrcise, and rapid mood shifts. I agree that it could help to enlist coach's support. He/she could let DTR know that she can not stay on team if her weight goes below the 85% of IBW. If I were you, I'd also like her to attend a college near home, and maybe smaller. Did she apply to New College in Saratoga?</p>
<p>Ray 111, I can relate, the waiting is so difficult especially when nothing is happening. </p>
<p>Single parenting can be tough but I have been truly blessed. My d has, for the most part, been a delight to raise. I have never had to tell her to do her homework. She does not drink or do drugs and has great group of friends. Besides the OCD and possible anorexia it has been a breeze :)</p>
<p>Thank you all for your advice but enlisting the coach is not really an option. This is only the coaches second year and there is not much of a relatioship there, as a matter of fact I would characterize it as antagonistic. The coach. like many, truly favors the hardcore jocks. My d is not a jock, she is very good at what she does but does not play three sports. She is feminine, attractive and involved in other activities. It often causes discord when there is a conflict with another activity such as mock trial or music. I honestly don't know if the coach would take her on the team if her postition weren't so important and difficult to replace (pitcher). It was so bad last year that my d actually quit mock trial this year to avoid the stress, a decision I did not agree with but supported anyway. To the coaches credit she has told the colleges that have called good things about my d. The coach empasized my d's work ethic (working out daily and pitching indoors throughout the winter). </p>
<p>My d refuses to go close to home which I understand, I did the same thing. She wants to be different. Sorry, I have never heard of New College in Saratoga, we are from Chicago. Two of the LAC's she applied to are in Minnesota which would provide me some peace of mind as I do have family there. My d is very close to her second cousin who would be about 20 minutes away. He is also very protective of her and I am sure would give me honest reports on her well being. We are going for an overnight at one of the Minnesota schools, my alma mater, in late March. The coach seems like a good guy and raves about his team (as they all do). I am hoping she spends the night and falls in love with the school. I have my doubts though as the school is known for being liberal and d is ultra conservative. </p>
<p>The bottom line is my d will have to make her own way in the world and, most certainly, has the tools to do so. She is a strong, independent young woman. Yes, I worry - alot but I have to let her go. I just hope that she ends up in a caring environment that will catch her before she falls.</p>
<p>Thanks again for all of the input!</p>
<p>Similar boat to several posters here. DS did a nice job of identifying what he wanted in the total package. But as the fall passed added 2 to his list (total of 4). What was his top choice has not yet responded with an admit. Got 2 accepts with merit money (SWEET). And one verbal assurance, with any talk of Finaid going to come after the March 15 date.</p>
<p>He is a recruited athlete, and I think it just adds to the confusion. Three D3 schools and a D1AA.</p>
<p>Decisions, decisions. Big span in the COA, a wait and see for final FA, coaches calling a couple times a week.</p>
<p>The best thing about it all is that I think he could be quite pleased with his education, and experience at ANY of his choices. I think he realizes it too. Suspense is killing me and his Mom.....Him, not so much.</p>
<p>And in the meantime DD (HS Soph), is also beginning to get tons of letters. Glad to hear there are others in the same situation</p>
<p>Oh, and BTW. His granparents (both sets still alive) are not helping at all. Both are throwing more than their 2 cents in. They talk to him direct, they're probably putting more pressure on him than Wife and I. They know better than to talk with me about it, Because I'd tell them to keep their opinions on the down low. None of the 4 ever even went to a four year college.</p>
<p>Come to think about it, perhaps I need to call the both sets and tell them to chill out.</p>
<p>A friend and I were just talking about the stress of waiting being related to feeling helpless. It's all out of our hands and there's nothing more we can do. I keep thinking of little ideas for supplements to send in and my son tells me (politely) to chill out. The funny thing is my son could be happy and successful at any on his list, but I'm fixated on his getting accepted at certain ones.</p>
<p>Bookworm,
New College is in Sarasota, Florida not Saratoga, N.Y. Much different weather here!!!</p>
<p>Beth-- I think you nailed the feeling....I also feel helpless. Today I decided to do SOMETHING productive and planned to order sheets and towels for college from a catalog.. :) I waited until D came home so she could pick out colors. We had a really good laugh---she narrowed the color choice down to 3, but couldn't pick which one from there. If she can't pick which color of towel, how is she going to pick which school to go to??!!! Like your son, I'm comfortable she'll be happy with whatever school she chooses (and we went with neon orange towels, btw!!)</p>
<p>Rather than "calm before the storm", I feel like "wait before sailing". DD applied only one school and got in early action. Now we are waiting for possible merit award (which come with pre-frosh summer research) in order to define our summer vacation plan.</p>
<p>daviban -</p>
<p>You are in a tough situation. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could help. The best I can do right now is to urge you to continue talking with us. I know that things get all pent up for me sometimes and then I make things worse with and for my daughter because my emotions are so intense. That's one of the reasons I particularly like CC -- it lets me vent and back off a little when my daughter and I are in stressful situations where we only seem to drive each other more crazy.</p>
<p>So come on over here and sit down and chat with us while you wait.</p>
<p>I would rather have the "wait before sailing"! That sounds pretty good to me! </p>
<p>I am pathetic. I admit it. The other day I leaned on D to e-mail all her schools with an update (an award). She heard back from all except one. There is a particular school on her list that I am partial to (not D, though. She's not committed to any one school). That school did send a reply. I kept reading the message to uncover hints that the school might intend to accept her (it's a very popular school and a reach). The e-mail said something totally innocuous like, "While you're waiting, check out the information on our website for students who have applied, and let us know if you have any questions." Hmmm, what does THAT mean? I tried to convince myself that this is a positive sign! It isn't. I'm just desperate for news. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, Northwestern sent around an e-mail with an online "while you wait" newsletter of what's new at NU. It contains a short video of the admissions director speaking to the camera. I also tried to read something into that! Maybe if I squint....</p>
<p>I ply CC every day like a deranged pirate on the open seas for news of likely letters. Nada. Frustrating! Meanwhile, my kid is enjoying her winter break, not a care in the world, and is mastering Guitar Hero!</p>
<p>How pathetic am I? Don't answer that! :D</p>
<p>Not that pathetic.</p>
<p>After my daughter auditioned at her top choice school, the dance instructor said, "That was great. Welcome to ..." I asked my daughter, "Did she mean Welcome to ... , as you are in? or did she mean it's nice that you are visiting?" My daugher looked at me like I was crazy.</p>
<p>Maybe I am going a bit nuts because I want to know when she will be going to school, whether I'll need to buy her down jacket or Bermuda shorts, which hotel I should start booking for her college graduation, oops, I am getting ahead of myself.</p>
<p>i remember this time so well and my heart goes out to all of you parents-in-waiting... if you can, this would be an ideal time to divert attention from the process & have some fun together. doesn't have to be big... go on a hike, see a vintage movie, taken in a play or concert, learn to play a video game, try a new recipe or even a new sport together... i hear badminton is amazing! LOL anyway, good luck! i'm pulling for happy landings for you & those college bound darlings!</p>
<p>klc, I like your style! Let's not miss the moment, when things are quiet, to enjoy some together time. They'll be gone in a short while and I don't want to wonder, Why didn't we play more games of poker in March?</p>
<p>Well, here's a funny thing so you can think, "there's always something worse."
As I read the posts about using Spring Break days to visit, I realized that up here in upstate Western NY, where we lost a week of school days in October due to weather, we now lament every "snow day" when schools must cancel. Now, for each snow day, they're taking back one day of Spring Break. </p>
<p>If you've watched CNN, you know that upstate NY and New England had another snow event around Valentine's Day, so...
at this rate, I hope they'll just finish high school by August so he can GO to college!</p>
<p>180 instructional days are required annually, come hell or high water. And this year, we've seen both.</p>