<p>I'm looking for comments from parents of current students, or from current students themselves...</p>
<p>My daughter is very interested in applying ED to a school which tends to be known as a "party school" (Lehigh). They have an academic program which matches perfectly with her interests; she loves the campus; and is really excited about the possibility of going there.</p>
<p>One thing she is apprehensive about though - she is NOT a "party girl"! On the other hand, she is not judgemental of those who do like to party - it's not like she preaches about the evils of alcohol, or totally avoids those who drink or situations where there is drinking going on. I have no delusions that she will not drink at college - right now, it's just not her "thing". She has every intention of becoming involved on campus in lots of ways. She is very concerned about "fitting in".</p>
<p>Have any of you had this same concern? How much of the social life REVOLVES around drinking? Are the kids who choose not to drink ostracized? Is it possible to attend parties and not get sloppy drunk?
What kinds of kids choose the "Wellness dorms"? </p>
<p>Bottom line: Kids drink at college. A lot. (Unless you are at a BYU clone). I think that it is impossible to tell how much nondrinkers would feel out of place without actually living there. But if that is a primary concern, perhaps a large school might be better simply because one will find a larger variety of people there.</p>
<p>One anecdote: my nonsubstance free son, who will be attending a LAC in the fall observed that in some ways the substance-free dorm was better because it was cleaner.</p>
<p>My D is at a university that is known as a "work hard, play hard" school. She didn't drink at all in hs and whatever she imbibes now at school is kept to a minimum because there are restrictions when she is in season for her intercollegiate sports. She goes to parties because she is social but it is very easy to stick to a water bottle. There are always plenty of non-drinkers at these parties as well as the imbibers.</p>
<p>She joined an NPC GLO which is probably one of the best ways to avoid alcohol in group settings, because sisters look out for each other, there are very strict rules about behavior and being brought up on Standards charges.</p>
<p>I'm told the sub-free dorms can be worse if they're filled with kids who were placed there by their parents and not by choice. This seems to vary from school to school.</p>
<p>There is no question that it is hard for kids who are not into drinking at college. Much of the social life revolves around drinking...and let's face it, it's hard to be at a party where all your friends are drinking and you're not. There is also a lot of peer pressure to drink.</p>
<p>If your daughter wants out of the drinking scene, then she should join lots of organizations, volunteer work, work/study programs....places where she would likely meet others who are not into partying so much and more into other pursuits. </p>
<p>I think it is also helpful to go to a school where there is a lot to do outside of the campus, like movies, shopping, restaurants, etc. It gives the kids other options. I don't know what Lehigh is like in that regard. My s has a good friend that goes there and loves it.</p>
<p>There's drinking and then there's drinking. At many parties, the students drink but don't get out of control (if you call drinking at all being in control- many people don't see it that way). A student could either drink water, or just stand there holding a bottle all night, and not look or feel out of the ordinary. Stay away from places where kids are holding drinking contests, games, or pushing other kids to drink. </p>
<p>There were many parties when I was in college (back in the dark ages) that I just walked away from. I'm sure it's the same now.</p>
<p>Also, depending on the persuasion, there are lots of religious based clubs on campus (probably more on larger campuses). My son started going to a Christian Student Crusade thing (? name ?) once in a while and he enjoys it- it's a pretty big party atmosphere but not booze. They have parties with bands, etc. It kind of surprised me, because we are not a big church-going family, but he did it for the social aspects probably more than anything else (lots of girls there).</p>
<p>"My D is at a university that is known as a "work hard, play hard" school." </p>
<p>That's basically the kind of school I currently attend. DON'T WORRY. Your daughter doesn't need to bog herself down in excess just to stay off of the social scene and not drink. I belong to a pretty big party fraternity, and we even have brothers who don't drink...granted its 3 out of 50, but still.</p>
<p>There really isn't any peer pressure to drink in college, at least my college. If your daughter is a sociable person, and likes to have a good time (and can without the influence of alcohol) I wouldn't worry. Of course theres the occasional joke "hey, how about a drink?" when they know damn well you don't drink. But at hangouts and parties where people are drinking, they're probably to far gone to even care...as long as she's having a good time.</p>
<p>I think it really comes down to whether you think your D has shown good judgment so far in her life. It seems safe to assume she'll be challenged at college with other choices by others and have to decide what SHE wants to do in relation to them. </p>
<p>My thinking is that drinking and drunk parties take up way too much air time on campuses these days, and I feel it's sad to have to waste so much energy figuring out how to walk through, around, or away from all that. </p>
<p>Still, plenty of kids are handling it these days. Others aren't handling things well and surely encounter situations you'll never hear about. Still others are getting really wrecked and have serious work to do to address problems with alcoholism on campus. If they were in the working world, they'd have those problems as well.</p>
<p>At college, everyone's choices are evident to everyone else. That's the best I can do to describe it from my parental perch. Some colleges and unis may have more drinking than others, but your D will be making the same set of personal decisions in every one of them. </p>
<p>What evidence do you have, so far, that she's handled her choices well? That might be more important than what you see walking around the campus.</p>
<p>DD is going to a work hard play hard campus too and what attracted her is that although there was plenty of drinking during her overnight visits, there was also plenty of fun and opportunities with out drinking. There was no pressure to drink or be out of all the fun. </p>
<p>I recommend an overnight visit during a "party time" such as maybe a Friday? Try to stay in the dorm and see what is going on if they have that sort of program. </p>
<p>My non drinking daughter just finished her first year of college where all 5 of her suitemates were partyers. Her major complaint was that she was the only one left home on Thursday (it starts on thursday night now!) Friday and Saturday, she was left in the room alone. She came home every other weekend and her boyfriend went there in between, then moved there 2nd semester. I think she could have found people to hang out with, since she knew several non drinkers there, she just didn't make the effort. This year she's rooming with 2 people she knows who are not party girls, so I think she'll enjoy it a little more.<br>
Bottom line, if your daughter is outgoing, she'll find plenty to do that doesn't involve getting drunk.</p>
<p>My daughter (not my WildChild) told me that most (not all) non-drinkers at her college (top private university) became drinkers before the end of first semester. Drinking is simply a huge part of college culture and dominates the social life. Not a positive thing, but that's the way it is. Some kids handle it better than others-I have one of each in my family......</p>
<p>I think in hindsight, if I had a kid really opposed to a drinking culture maybe I'd try to encourage a larger school and/or a more urban school. I know from my son (who attends an LAC) that it is VERY hard to avoid, and sometimes feels like there is nothing else to do. I don't believe that - but it is his perception, and that counts.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone, these are some great comments. I want to be sure to make the point that she is NOT "opposed" to others drinking...she is, by no means, a square! She is fairly comfortable with herself and the choices she makes. Like most kids going away, she is concerned with finding a great group of friends and not being excluded - and also being able to feel like part of the group without being drunk. As I said, I am not naive - she will drink (I think I would worry if she didn't!) - but hopefully under control, and not regularly.</p>
<p>I have a daughter who does not drink, and I am 99.99% sure she will not when she begins college in the fall. It's just how she is. She doesn't care if others drink, but she did try to look for a campus environment that isn't overly focused on drinking (that is, plenty of opportunities to do things other than sit around playing drinking games). In the end, she chose between a school with a party reputation & a school that --- while there is bound to be drinking --- is not known for its party culture. The drinking was not the reason she decided against the party school, because she knows there are plenty of people there who don't get drunk all the time, but I know that it was one of the factors on the "con" side of the pro/con assessment. D did note that on this school's prospective freshman class's Facebook group, a large number of posts seemed to involve discussions of drinking. The Facebook group for the school she chose had different kinds of discussions. She told me that the people seemed more interesting at the school she chose ... maybe yes, maybe no ... but it helped her determine her personal fit. I would suggest your D see if she can check out some Facebook groups at Lehigh. I also definitely suggest an overnight on a Friday, if at all possible.</p>
<p>I posted this on the other thread, but I'll post it here too.</p>
<p>She'll have no trouble fitting in.</p>
<p>It seems like some people on this forum are constantly equating the college experience with whether or not one drinks or parties. And that just doesn't make sense to me. Even if you go to a party school, the majority of your time you will be in classes, doing ECs, hanging out with friends in a casual setting, or sleeping. College is so much more than this drinking vs. not drinking debate that always seems to end up on this forum.</p>
<p>At every school there are students who drink and students who don't drink. So, your daughter should have no problem fitting in. And even if she is the only student on the whole campus who doesn't drink, that doesn't mean she can't go to the parties and not drink. And even if they had some rule that people can only go to parties if they agree to drink excessively and therefore your daughter couldn't party because she is the only one on campus who doesn't drink, she still has other parts of college life she can be an active participant in.</p>
<p>Honestly drinking isn't the huge deal people make it out to be. If a student doesn't want to drink, that's fine. There's plenty of people who don't drink and have great social lives in college. That being said, of course many students drink like its their job, but it's not like non-drinkers are deliberately ostracized.</p>
<p>I do think that the culture of a school is important ... and that includes the drinking culture. If fit is important (and I believe it is), then the overall climate --- including how drinking fits into it --- is important. I do realize that anyone CAN be happy at <em>almost</em> any school. But if a kid is actively looking for a best fit, drinking on campus is certainly a legitimate piece of the puzzle. If there isn't much more to do on weekend nights on a college campus besides go to parties where people are getting wasted, then the student who isn't into that scene might not have much fun. </p>
<p>A couple schools come to mind when I think of places some students might not fit in ... and drinking/drugs are the reason why (either too prevalent or totally absent). Of course there are kids who don't participate ... and of course, no one HAS to do anything they don't want to do ... but it is a legitimate consideration for some students.</p>
<p>... and it has nothing to do with whether or not a student might be ostracized for not drinking. It has more to do with what the nondrinking student might RATHER be doing. I know that I always feel happiest in my leisure time when I am doing what I enjoy.</p>