CAN ANYONE PLEASE REVIEW MY APPEAL TO CSULA??? TELL ME WHAT NEEDS TO BE IMPROVED?

Colleges and Universities A-Z California State University - Los Angeles
1

<p>Dear admissions committee,</p>

<p>When I write the last words to this appeal I want to be able to tell people
“I DIDN’T JUST FALL TO THE GROUND WITHOUT A FIGHT.” I want to be sure I did the best I could to get into csula. Knowing I tired my best is better than knowing I did nothing.
After receiving my rejection letter to CSULA I was very disappointed. Without thinking I hesitantly wrote my appeal. This is one of my top schools and I know it will continue to be. I’ve wanted to attend csula ever since I found out about it during elementary school. I will not give up on accomplishing my goal. I would really like to be part of a community that I enjoy being in. I feel like csula fits me really well. It isn’t to far from home, which helps me stay closer from family. After thinking about life and what comes after High school, I don’t really know where I’m going after because I have been rejected to all my schools. I applied to the hardest schools and knew I should have had plan B. I was really hoping csula would admit me. But when someone asks me, “Where are you going for college?” I answer, “I don’t quite know yet but you know I wont give up! I will appeal and put myself out there! I don’t believe the game is over, it still continues.”
During High school I know I did poorly my sophomore year. I don’t want to make up excuses for why I did poorly but I would like the chance to explain myself. My sophomore year of high school I was not able to revive high grades because my mom had injured herself and I had to take care of her. Which cut into my homework hours, chores, and study time. I had a really difficult time trying to get every thing done on time. Her injury had affected me a lot and I couldn’t concentrate. I now learned that I should have talked to my teachers about what was going on and they could of understood my situation better. But the next year during my junior year I improved my grades. I took two honor’s classes; Biology and Spanish and received A’s in both classes. When I set myself goals I can accomplish them.
Coming from a low-income family I was only able to take the SAT twice. If I had the opportunity to take it several times I know I could of scored higher. Coming from a Hispanic family my family wasn’t able to attend a college. But now that I have the chance to live in the United States, I can have this opportunity. I would really like to be the first student in my family to attend a 4-year university. It has been my dream to strive in life and help my family’s situation out.
Since I have always wanted be active student to the community I volunteered at the office of the San Diego city attorney my junior year. This has been one of my big accomplishments in life. It was an amazing experience and I even revived two awards from them. I hope to continue this through csula.
I know csula receives tons of applications and mine is not the best. I please ask you to review it over again and take encounter the challenges I faced. Please note that if you give me a second chance I will not let you down. My sat scores do not reflect me as a student. It doesn’t mean I slack off during class. If csula decides to admit me I will work twice as hard to get good grades. I really thank you for your time to read this appeal. I hope you reconsider my application. </p>

2

<p>going to a CC is not the end of the world. and why cant a hispanic person not attend college? just being hispanic is not a legit reason. i wouldnt ask for pity, show documented work. but heck i am not being mean, but if it is that big of a deal transfer there. but go to a cc, elac pcc… it really isnt the end of the world. csu’s have gotten more competitive because of budget restraints, for instance how they are geared toward accepting people in their prime areas before others. </p>

3

<p>If I could I would give you my admission for CSULA.</p>

4

<p>You need to refocus your appeal: it rambles and doesn’t support your claim of falling down without a fight. Moreover, stating you are “appealing” just for the sake of appealing isn’t going to win any points with the admissions committee. </p>

5

<p>A little but of rambling but it’s still pretty good.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/1641877-chance-me-for-uconn-uf-pitt.html#latest”>http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/1641877-chance-me-for-uconn-uf-pitt.html#latest&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Chance me plz</p>

6

<p>Your story is OK. I worry that it makes the assumption that sophomore year performance was crucial to the rejection. What makes you so sure? (Don’t tell me. Explain it in the appeal.)</p>

<p>Further, there is little point in making promises about how hard you will try in the future and how you might have done on the SAT. You sound like a deadbeat dad who promises to do better. (That probably sounds harsh; I can’t think of a better comparison at the moment.) Stick to facts. If your performance really did improve after sophomore year, lay on the details. Maybe you could wrap up the appeal with ONE sentence about doing better in the future, but keep it at that.</p>

<p>The bigger problem is that the writing is very poor, and you will be judged on that. There are numerous grammatical mistakes, and your individual paragraphs lack focus. Get some help from a tutor or an English teacher who likes you. I’d say you’re at least 2 drafts away from being ready to send this.</p>