Can I Change in College?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>My social life in high school sucks. Its not that I'm not trying, but for some reason or other I never get invited to the parties. I do have some friends and I do go out occasionally, but I want to be the one getting the girls.</p>

<p>I am the only one from my high school going to Stanford. Its out-of-state so basically I will know nobody going in... It's an opportunity for me to start afresh and re-invent myself.</p>

<p>How likely is it that I can change in college? I know some people say that you will be the same no matter where you are, but I was wondering if anyone had experience with dramatically improving their social situation in the transition to college?</p>

2

<p>Just be confident. Identify who you are and stick to that. Don’t try to re-invent yourself; that’s the whole problem; you’re trying to be something you’re not. </p>

<p>You shouldn’t have to * try * to be anything. Being yourself shouldn’t take any effort.</p>

3

<p>I had few friends in HS because I spent a lot of time with my BF. When I started college, I worked very hard to socialize by joining all the things I found to be of interest, including rushing a sorority (big mistake, but interesting), joining honor societies, and participating in the campus YWCA Exceptional Friendship program & joining their Board of Directors, as well as being active in the dorms. It made a huge difference.</p>

<p>I was busy and active but never a “party animal,” in HS nor college.</p>

<p>I would not focus on “being the one getting the girls.” It sounds like you know how to make & keep friends and socialize. Keep working on those skills and be yourself. Stanford has many different options for you to pursue–don’t stretch yourself too thin, but enjoy exploring!</p>

<p>Good luck! Find the balance that works for you.</p>

4

<p>First, get contact lenses if you wear glasses. It’s a big change. Girls love it. They can see more of your face.</p>

<p>Secondly, try changing up your hygiene a bit. Do you use separate soap for your face than you do for your body? If not, start doing it. A good face soap is Clean & Clear, the green one with reviving crystals in it. For body soap, use Axe. Definitely use a moisturizer for your face after washing it. These are just basic hygiene tips. The basics apply: Use lotion on your body.</p>

<p>Third, what type of clothes do you wear? Are you hard for cash? If you’re hard for cash and you’re not happy with your style, head down to Ross. You can find some great shirts and some times some good jeans there. If you’re not hard for cash but still want to save, check out Guess for jeans or Express. You might say, “Dude that’s expensive”. Sure it is if you just pick stuff off the rack and throw it in your basket. The thing is, there’s clearance sections and there’s always coupons. Just ask at the counter and then check out the clearance section. I got a pair of Guess jeans that get a lot of compliments for $70. And that’s CHEAP for Guess and not expensive for jeans in general. Pick up a casual blazer too. Girls love the blazer + jeans look. </p>

<p>Fourth, how much do you work out? Change that up. Don’t run on concrete! But definitely take a trip down to a trail and get a few miles in a week. Stanford has a gym students can use, go there and do some work outs. Don’t use machines, use free weights. A good routine is a 3 day spread (Monday Wednesday Friday) doing chest and pushes on Monday, pulls and lower back on Wednesday and repetitions on Friday (full body but with lighter weight). Working out will not only give you definition (girls notice even the smallest gain in definition) but it will build your confidence. Everything I’ve listed here will build your confidence and that’s crucial to getting out and meeting people. </p>

<p>Lastly, don’t ever let people tell you, “Oh just be happy with who you are.” People who watch bad Disney movies and never get out or meet people always say stuff like that. </p>

<p>What they SHOULD say is, “If you’re CONFIDENT with who you are, don’t change for anyone, but if you feel like you want to improve yourself, definitely take the steps to do it.”</p>

<p>My social life is 100% different than what it was in high school, because:
a) I built my confidence up. I learned how to believe in me and how to believe I can change things.
b) I worked out, got in much better shape, started eating healthy.
c) I started dressing in what I felt I looked good in, rather than dressing in what I thought was popular or will grab attention.
d) I stopped waiting for things to happen, and went out and made them happen myself.</p>

<p>Now, I actually get invited to go out more than I admit I want to. I find myself spending a lot of time studying and making sure school transfers are in affair, but I have a lot of dates and I do have a girl I’m seeing and I’m not short on girls to hang out with either. (Most of my friends are actually cute girls.) </p>

<p>In all actuality, what I yearn for more is a regular hang out with my boys, playing games and watching UFC’s. Most of what I do now is either a date or a study session with a cute girl or if I go to a party, it’s with a girl or my buddies.</p>

5

<p>You won’t magically turn into Casanova overnight. That being said College is an opportunity to reset your image and change as a person, the above posts make good points especially about hygiene and confidence.</p>