I’m working on the other part of your last post with the suicide stuff. I was thinking to move to the same state I will transfer to after community college so that it can be cheaper but now that I think about it most schools I’d be interested in are private and those don’t have in-state tuition. How much aid could I get assuming no help from parents. Maybe I can work while I go to community college.
But I’m already older… I’m 20 and have to start over? So even if I start now I’d graduate at 24… That’s embarrassing…
To most adults - professors, employers c, there is NO difference between a 24 year old and a 22 Year, you will look ‘young’ 
I see. Pointless blood tests as a way to test your obedience… That’s sick.
Look for a state with plenty of jobs and either high minimum wages or low cost of living or both.
You’ll need to take it one step at a time and first you need to have an independent life.
THEN you’ll think about what college to transfer to.
You’ll be 24 no matter what you do. Try to not get discouraged with that kind of thinking. Have compassion for yourself; it sounds like you have been dealing with a very difficult situation for a long time.
As a legally competent adult I would refuse any further unnecessary medical tests, procedures, etc., and I would insist on complete privacy with health care providers.
I’m not nice to myself really over the whole thing. I think I should have been stronger and broken free. Is it possible to work while attending a top institution? Yeah I’m gonna need to leave first… sigh. I guess I’ll just schedule counseling like right now…
Btw you have all been very helpful thus far. @powercropper sorry I haven’t been very responsive to you but your posts have been so great, wanted to say since I’ve sort of left you hanging for quite a while.
I started college at around 16 years old or so so me graduating at 24 is kind of disgusting.
Hey there, I need a lot of grace in my life, and I give a lot of grace to others. You do not OWE anyone a response. Your mom is guilting you over every little thing already, you need to believe that those of us posting here are rooting for you and giving advice as best we can. Just having you continue to post comments here is more than enough for me.
We are not licensed therapists, and of course we don’t know your whole story. We mean well, but always filter our advice through your brain, and through professional advice you are receiving. We are offering options, encouragement, and a whole lot of ears for “listening”.
Lots of options for the blood test issue. Choose to make your stand and see how she reacts. You can refuse and make it an inclusive “I am choosing to be in charge of all my medical issues going forward” or just an “I believe I will wait and get my blood tests at my next annual checkup in August” (or whatever date you choose). Or if you do go to get blood tests, as someone else suggested, go separately from her to the doctor. Or pick another doctor to go to. But if you go and are alone, you can specifically tell the staff that you do not want your mother to have access to your medical records, and that if she tries to coerce them into ordering useless tests, to only listen to you. You can request to sign forms that forbid them from releasing your medical information to anyone else.
It might be interesting for you to make some kind of stand with her, over some silly demand, and see how she reacts. You will have to decide ahead of time to be strong and not give in at all, or the exercise will be useless. It can be not eating the veggies she “makes” you eat (but you hate) or you going out for an errand on your own with her demanding you can’t leave the house without her. Successfully standing up to her, even in a tiny, tiny area of life, might encourage you to take another baby step.
It is easy for those of us not in your intense situation to offer advice. Much harder to get untangled from the tight web of control your mom has weaved you into. Again, we are hopeful you can take the step to professional counseling. Just the act of opening up to a therapist can be very freeing. It starts out a little embarrassing, but later you look forward to your weekly appointment so you can unload all the craziness.
^^wise words from @powercropper (as usual)!
I just want to give you a hug when I read stuff like this. You have no idea how powerful very early life programming can be. This is where professional help comes in - not because you’re crazy but because you need a person to bounce things off of to help you establish what healthy relationships look and feel like. Just being aware of stuff is a huge step in the right direction.
We are cheering for you, but you don’t owe any of us anything. Take care of yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Another possibly practical suggestion (which I think others have made) - the next time your mother says she’s going to kill herself if you do something - call 911. They take those comments quite seriously - as they should. The police will come out and talk to her. If you want, you can even tell the 911 operator that you’re not even sure if she’s serious, but she’s said it before.
It looks like I’m not going to be able to get counseling after all. My mom says she’s quitting her job and that’s the only thing that gives me insurance to see one. It’s also been made official that I’m leaving though and we had a huge 6 hour abusive fight.
Look up a shelter for abused women and children or a place where you can stay (friend’s ? Youth hostel ?) Pack your bags. Take locks with you as you’ll often need to lock your stuff. Take your cell phone - Just change the SIM card later on, no need to buy a new one. Make sure you pack mementos as well as underwear, socks and one pair of comfortable shoes, plus layers (1fleece, 1raincoat/coat with hood). Take all your papers - hs graduation, ssn, etc.
Are shelters in general safe? My mom said dangerous homeless people and rapists go there because they’re all open.
Two quick thoughts. You can still try to get in to see a counselor before your moms last day of work . And you don’t know if she is threatening to quit just to manipulate you . Even one counseling session can do you some good. Please don’t give up.
Your mom is manipulating and gaslighting you to keep control. It’s a pathological need with some people and they can never seem be placated. No matter what she will find a way to keep you unsure of yourself and unbalanced and questioning your abilities. I suggest you find a job and get your own insurance, your own place to live, and see a counselor to learn to take your own power. Adults go to college all the time, it will be there when you’re ready.
I am so sorry you are going through all this, but I have never seen anyone find a way to fix a narcissist from within the toxic relationship.
@mama2drama did a much better job of spelling out what I was thinking.
“I have never seen anyone find a way to fix a narcissist from within the toxic relationship.”
I second the suggestions above about gathering your important papers and sentimental things. Think as if you are leaving a burning building and won’t be coming back. Photos, stuffed animal, etc
Do you have any source of money? Can you google local shelters ? Salvation Army? Start making a plan. Your mom sounds like she is willing to destroy her world to maintain control over you. And if she does quit her job, she will be on you 24/7. You will lose all of your privacy.
Now is the time to take action.
There’s really no way your mom would say anything else; she’s trying to keep you with her. Shelters are supervised. There are basic rules. People who don’t follow them can’t be there.
Yes you will want to be cautious as you step out into the real world. You want to protect your valuables at all times, even when you sleep you want your id and any money/credit cards on you. Some shelters might be safer than others, so you can google and check locations. Call a church near you and ask for their help in finding a safe place for you to stay. Call several churches, you might not get great responses from any one particular place. You are looking to find recommendations for your area, or for an area you can get to. It might be a good idea to pick a place that is not closest to your current home.
Do NOT tell your Mom where you are going or what your plans are. She will stalk you and come after you. You don’t have to think you will never, ever see or speak with her again, but when you leave you need to do it on your terms. And after counseling, you can choose when or if you communicate with her in the future.
Are you a boy or a girl (man or woman)?
As the type of shelters varies depending on this.
I second first calling churches.
Reach out to denominations you’re close to, but NOT your mother’s church!
Find your birth certificate and social security card now and keep them in a safe place so your mom can’t hide them on you. make copies and keep those in a safe place too. You need those to get a job and attend college. And don’t tell her your plans or she’ll just escalate her threats.
And you can call churches and ask for help even if you don’t belong to a religion or have never attended a church service. It is not a closed group. Most churches (there are always a few crazy churches that give off rude vibes) are very welcoming to visitors. Some do a better job than others in handling social service type help, so if the first church you call says “we don’t do that kind of thing” just ask if they know of a church or organization they could recommend.
Some churches even have counselors on staff, and usually they charge fees based on a sliding income scale. So if you don’t have any income at all, it’s possible they would counsel with you for free. This might be a limited offer, 2-3 sessions at no charge, and then refer you out for more long-term counseling. But even that would be of great benefit to you.