Please bear with me this is long! I made a mistake by giving up a large scholarship at one school to go to a much more expensive state school that my parents said they would help me pay for. My dad is in the military and has GI Bill benefits that he always told me he would transfer to me when I go to college so I wouldn’t have to worry about affording it. Fast forward to the week after I give up this scholarship and enroll at the expensive school, he tells me that he actually wants to save the benefits for my younger sister. Eventually he agrees to split it and give me 2 years, but I know that when the two years is up, there is no way I or my parents will be able to afford this school, no matter how much we try to save or how many more scholarships I apply for.
So I told them that I would need to transfer after the first year to a cheaper school. I figured it would be better than transferring after the second year and then my sister could have the other 3 years of the benefits instead of 2. Well they freaked the f*** out. They think that cheaper means worse school and they have these standards that are way too high for what we (or rather I) can afford. They will not pay at all for me to go to school (they can’t really afford it, but they make too much for me to get need based aid other than loans, which they also won’t cosign for), but they expect me to somehow make it work. After my scholarships are applied at this school I still owe $30,000, so that’s not going to work. They’re really delusional (my mom is actually clinically psychotic with bipolar disorder and schizophrenic tendencies) and my dad still just goes along with whatever she says (like blaming me for not getting into an Ivy league school for them or not being able to pull 30g out of my ***), so they’ve been giving me a lot of trouble over this and acting like I’m causing them a hardship when I’m the one who has to figure this out and pay in the end. It’s gotten so bad that they keep kicking me out, telling me to come back, telling me that I can’t drive their car to work to try and get me fired so I can’t afford my room and board at school, stealing my money, trying to make me pay rent, or their car insurance, or their car payments and threatening to pull the GI benefits so I can’t go to school this year. If I transfer out of this school, there is no way I can come back and live with them on breaks or anything- they’re not going to let me and I won’t want to anyway.
There are only 2 weeks until I leave for school and I have some money saved up for room&board, but it will be all gone once I spend it on that. I know I can’t get any refunds on all the deposit I’ve already made, but I’m wondering if I should cut my losses, cancel my enrollment, use the money I saved to move out, take a gap year, save up money and go to a cheaper school next year. Would I be eligible for first year freshman scholarships then? I got really scared looking at transfer information at a lot of colleges and seeing that I wouldn’t be eligible for most of their scholarships and other aid simply because I wouldn’t be a first year freshman. I’ll be legally considered a dependent until I’m 24 even though my parents won’t help me pay for school, so I wouldn’t get any need-based aid and I don’t know how I would afford even these cheap local schools without those scholarships. I took and passed a lot of AP classes & exams in high school and got 2180/1400 SAT and 32 ACT, academic clubs, volunteer work, high school job, etc. if that helps. There are also a lot of schools that offer full tuition scholarships for my scores, would I still be eligible for them next year if I did this?
It is unfortunate that you are having to deal with all this mess, but I would suggest you assume that you will not be getting any kind of support from your parents, financial or emotional. Your plans should take into consideration how you will pay for housing, food, health care, transportation, and college expenses.
You will, however, need them to complete and sign FAFSA info every year. Some schools require it even if you know you won’t be getting any financial aid. Can someone more knowledgeable about FAFSA requirements chime in and let me know if I am correct on this point?
If you do need their sign off on FAFSA every year, it will be a tricky road of negotiation with them. They will most likely not approve of your choices if you don’t attend their top pick for your college. It might require great restraint and mature thinking to work with them. You will have to be the adult in the situation, and yet pander to as much of their crazy talk as it takes to get them to sign off on FAFSA each year. So no storming out of the house threatening to never speak with them again.
I suggest you contact the original school that gave you a great scholarship and see if there is any way to get it back. If they say yes, then you will have to figure out your finances to know if you should go straight to this college or ask for a gap year. (If you could live at home, gap year seems like a no brainer. But having to pay for all your room and board for a year means you won’t be saving up as much $$ for college.)
ETA: Forgot to answer your original question…If you know you are not able to pay for this more expensive college, and you know your parents are not able to/will not choose to pay on your behalf, it makes no sense whatsoever for you to get started there.
Probably most of them, unless the explicitly exclude gap year students. Check with the schools to be sure.
You would have to figure out how to live on your own and support yourself during the gap year, since it looks like living with your dishonorable (promising money for college and then backing out when it is too late) and abusive parents is not an attractive option.
I make enough to afford rent for many places that I’ve contacted, I have health insurance with tricare until I’m 24 because my dad is in the military (they don’t choose to give it to me or not, it’s just there until I’m not longer his legal dependent, whether or not he claims me on his taxes), I’ve been looking at apartments/rooms and jobs in other towns where I can get by without a car so I don’t have to deal with car payments or insurance, I’d still have enough money for food, other living expenses, and saving a little bit.
“Would I be eligible for first year freshman scholarships then?”
Yes, if you withdraw from the expensive school now and don’t enroll, you will be considered a freshman for admission purposes next year.
And yes, it sounds like you need to rethink your college plans since you can’t rely on your parents’ support, no matter what they say today - the story may be quite different a year from now or the next time they disagree with you. And there really is no point starting at a school you know you can’t afford after a year or two.
A gap year might work if you can live with a family member and save the money. But the FAFSA issue is something to consider. Could you sit down with your parents and try to talk about not wanting to go into debt for college (for their protection as much as your own) and therefore needing to reapply a year from now? If you avoid the ‘blame’ part of the discussion - just focus on the need to stay out of debt, esp with a younger sibling who is also going to need financial aid - you might be able to get past the irrational emotions. If you think your father is more likely to hear you, try talking to him alone first and then discuss how to bring it up with your mother.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It has to be hard. Your sister is no doubt watching this and wondering what is going to happen to her: If she is close to your age, talk to her too so she doesn’t get caught in the same trap you did - promises made but not honored, threats and irrational punishments, etc…She can be a source of emotional support in a tough time.
Could I possibly fill out the FAFSA myself using their information? I think they may have forgotten, but I have the passwords to all their online bank/insurance accounts (it’s all under the same USAA account) from when I got a youth checking account under their name at 17, so I can view their finances. In fact, I still have that checking account linked to them so I hide all my money in a separate savings account and only spend using cash or my credit card so they don’t take money from my checking account. I can’t eliminate their access to it without their signature since it was originally created under their account and I never opened a separate checking account because I didn’t want them to mail me the card and have my parents find out.
That is upsetting. It will be best for you financially and emotionally to GAP. Then try to get a full merit next year. If you can get enough, you may not need their FAFSA.
I called the school that originally offered me a really large scholarship (full tuition) and they agreed to accept it for me and defer it until next fall! The only problem is that my parents don’t want me to defer until next fall. They said I could live with them if I defer until the spring but I can’t do that. I tried to explain it to them and be honest at first but they wouldn’t listen and just said they would kick me out immediately if I deferred until next fall. So I lied to them and said I’m enrolling in the spring to buy some more time to find a roommate/new place to live. I already work basically full time at a part time job and I’m trying to get a second one so I can afford to support myself and still save a little money for school :s thanks for all the advice guys! I hope this means I wont need the fafsa with this school
I’m glad the original school has agreed to accept you for fall next year with a full scholarship. Congratulations! And yes, I would normally not condone lying to parents - but this is one of those situations where you need to buy time to get settled elsewhere. Once you are out of the house, you will be able to deal with them as an independent adult - a relationship that does not include threats and blackmail. Again, I urge you to talk to your sibling - not about your deception since that puts her in an awkward position of collaborating - but about finding a way to achieve financial independence for college. Siblings who look out for each other create a life support system that can last a lifetime even if they ‘have nothing in common’ or find each other annoying right now. Build your safety net, invest in your lifelines (family and friends who support you) and one day you may actually have the kind of relationship with your parents that you wanted all along.
That’s great. How are you planning to pay for room and board? You can only borrow ~$5500/year. How much more will you need? Did you get a financial aid package from this school. If so, what did it say?
You need to make sure to formally withdraw from the first school (and cancel housing and your meal plan). Then get your housing situated. You’re right about taking classes disqualifying you from freshmen grants. Once you have a secure place to live, you can focus on finding an affordable school.