Can somebody grade my ACT practice essay(s)?

Test Preparation ACT Preparation
1

<p>I've started to practice writing essays for the upcoming ACT test, so I thought it would be useful if more qualified people graded them and gave them constructive criticism. I will probably post more essays in this thread in the future, but here is my first. Note that this is the first practice essay I have ever written for the ACT; however, I have definitely written essays before.</p>

<p>PROMPT:
Educators debate extending high school to five years because of increasing demands on students from employers and colleges to participate in extracurricular activities and community service in addition to having high grades. Some educators support extending high school to five years because they think students need more time to achieve all that is expected of them. Other educators do not support extending high school to five years because they think students would lose interest in school and attendance would drop in the fifth year. In your opinion, should high school be extended to five years?</p>

<p>ESSAY:
<a href="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/50978290/essays/0.jpg"&gt;https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/50978290/essays/0.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

2

<p>I wrote another one:</p>

<p>PROMPT:
A school board is concerned that the state’s requirements for core courses in mathematics,English, science, and social studies may prevent students from taking important elective courses like music, other languages, and vocational education. The school board would like to encourage more high school students to take elective courses and is considering two proposals. One proposal is to lengthen the school day to provide students with the opportunity to take elective courses. The other proposal is to offer elective courses in the summer. Write a letter to the school board in which you argue for lengthening the school day or for offering elective courses during the summer. Explain why you think your choice will encourage more students to take elective courses. Begin your letter: “Dear School Board:”</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>Dear School Board:</p>

<p>What is the best way to give our students more electives? Lengthening school days, although seeming to offer students more educational opportunities, would create far more problems than benefits and is not the answer. Its interference with after school schedules would make its implementation an administrative nightmare. However, offering summer courses would be a far lighter strain on both students and teachers due to the relative schedule flexibility of summer.</p>

<p>An extended school day would not solve this problem. For one thing, after school sports would be ruined. Scheduling practice an hour later would make it end an hour later, depriving valuable sleep and free time from students. If a student has a job, the same principle applies. School cannot be the only aspect of a teenager’s life.</p>

<p>On the other hand, this scheduling crisis would be lessened if classes were taken in the summer. Even if a student has a job, the school day will be shorter during the summer instead of longer in the winter, spring, and fall. The school year would also be more rounded, and thus students would forget less over the summer. Doing this would educate students while keeping them sane.</p>

<p>If we are going to give our students more schooling, we must do it in the two and a half month empty space rather than the already busy traditional school year. These students depend on the best education possible, and spacing does that.</p>

3

<p>Hey, I did the second essay prompt also! Although I’m not experienced in ACT grading I’ll try my best, and hopefully, if it’s not too much to ask, could you grade my essay as well? </p>

<p>It’s based on the prompt, “A school board is concerned that the state’s requirements for core courses in mathematics,English, science, and social studies may prevent students from taking important elective courses like music, other languages, and vocational education. The school board would like to encourage more high school students to take elective courses and is considering two proposals. One proposal is to lengthen the school day to provide students with the opportunity to take elective courses. The other proposal is to offer elective courses in the summer. Write a letter to the school board in which you argue for lengthening the school day or for offering elective courses during the summer. Explain why you think your choice will encourage more students to take elective courses. Begin your letter: ‘Dear School Board:’”</p>

<p>Here’s my thoughts on your essay. It provides good points. However, it’s too short to convey your whole argument. I believe you should weave in examples in your body paragraphs to strengthen your main points. Also, longer essays are often given high scores! :smiley: As long as you integrate good examples, (they don’t even have to be the truth either) then your essay could be a 5 or 6. As it is right now, I think I would give it maybe a 3 or 4 because of how short it is and because of it’s lack of concrete examples. Your points are good. Just back them up with evidence.</p>

4

<p>Maybe we can become grading buddies, and exchange essays to grade :slight_smile: Btw are you taking the June 14 ACT also?</p>

<p>Here’s my essay, I’d appreciate it if you returned the favor :slight_smile: It’s about the summer electives one. I did this essay in the 30 minutes and I’m posting the actual one I wrote without any corrections so sorry in advance for any spelling or grammatical mistakes!</p>

<p>Dear School Board,</p>

<p>During the summer, students are free to spend their time however the desire. Thus, summer would be the perfect time for students to attend elective classes based on their interests without the worry of their responsibilities for core courses. </p>

<p>Offering elective courses over the summer would give ample opportunity for students to follow their interests. For instance, students are often overwhelmed by the responsibilities of their core classes that they just cannot afford to focus on anything but the aforementioned classes. This then causes their involvement in electives to decrease, not because they are not interested in them, but because they are too stressed with their required and thus more important classes. Although extending the school day would provide more time slots for elective courses, it would cause undo stress on the students by decreasing the amount of time they have afterschool to work on homework, study, and attend any extracurricular activities they have outside of school hours. Thus, offering summer elective courses would allow students to take electives without worrying about their effects on other classes. </p>

<p>Additionally, summer electives would aid the development of students during the summer, which has a tendency of afflicting students with laziness and boredom. Students are often faced with the dilemma of not having anything to do during the summer which leads to a waste of time doing nothing of significance. Oftentimes, this is not the student’s fault. It could be due to the fact that the student is not aware of any opportunities or activities that are available to him/her during the summer and are thus unable to be involved in something during the summer. This problem, however, can be solved by offering elective courses during the summer. The students would be aware of these opportunities because the school would inform the students of the classes. Thus, students would be able to use their summer wisely as opposed to wasting their time lazing about.</p>

<p>The strategy of offering courses during the summer was actually implemented in 2012 by Elden High School in Los Rio, New Mexico, and the results were stunning. The majority of students opted to focus on academics during the school year and then take electives during the summer. As a result, overall grades shot up approximately 6%, and students, in a survey, said that their satisfaction with the school’s organization had increased dramatically due to that decision. Additionally, in another high school in North Carolina conducted a survey in which students were asked if they would agree to an extension of school hours. 98% of students opposed the extension of school hours. Many cited that increasing school hours would “increase the burden on students,” “decrease time for extracurriculars,” “decrease time for activities after school hours,” and “cause resentment for students.” &lt;/p>

<p>Thus, not only is offering electives during the summer a more beneficial way to give students opportunity to take electives, but it also makes ample use of students time during the summer by involving them in classes that interest them. After all, as Lucas Stenton once said, “one achieves more when they do what they love without outside pressure.”</p>

<p>Gosh. After I typed that up, I noticed so many mistakes. Sorry. T.T </p>

5

<p>I really couldn’t have made it longer with the 30 minute limit. I’m too slow of a writer, so my best bet is to get as much depth in a page and a half or so of writing. It would be especially hard to improve that in 2 days.</p>

6

<p>Anonymouse1225, can you clarify whether your score is on a 6 or 12-point scale? There’s a pretty big difference between the two in this context. I want to know whether I did averagely or horribly.</p>

7

<p>Oh I graded your essay on the 6 point scale. Sorry for the confusion!</p>

8

<p>Can someone critique this essay too? I need to know if it’s better to use more concrete examples to center my essay around or to use multiple good supports for an argument. I’m just not sure what is a better structure, so I went with using several ideas. I reiterate a lot of ideas, can someone help me on that as well? Thanks.</p>

<p>Prompt: some high schools, teachers have
considered allowing each student to choose
the books he or she will read for English
class rather than requiring all students in
class to read the same books. Some teachers
support such a policy because they think
students will greatly improve their reading
skills if they read books they find
interesting. Other teachers do not support
such a policy because they think that
students will learn more by participating in
class discussion with others who have read
the same books. In your opinion, should
each individual student be allowed to choose
the books he or she reads for English class?</p>

<p>Our future is compromised of two things: the kids growing up right now, and their education. Students who are studying behold the power to change our future politically, economically, and socially, and what impacts their knowledge more than their education? Ensuring a strong, focused curriculum for all students can help fortify their future endeavors. Reading books in English class can surprisingly have a huge impact, for books entail many ethereal ideas that kids can use. By standardizing a list of books that kids in English should read, schools will see their students becoming more determined and better leaders of the future.</p>

<p>Allowing students to choose their books only leads to distraction from the central English class topic. Why let students pick their favorite story tale and elaborate on that book, which they might have already read for an easy 100? Students should not be given the freedom to do in class for any book wanted, for they will digress into impartial fragments that don’t relate. For example, when in 7th grade, my group in English chose to read “The Lightning Thief” a Greek myth spin-off to discuss certain stock Greek elements and myths, but instead we got caught up in the romantic story of the two protagonists. This freedom to choose novels hindered the potential of our education. However, if kids want to read out of class, it is not a problem.</p>

<p>When a list of must-read books is given to a student, they are not given a list of books they can only read. They are allowed to stray away and read as much as they want outside of the class, and the list only provides a bare minimum for all students to read. It helps equalize the reading level across schools if all students are culturally aware of certain situations through reading as well. For example, private schools significantly are less aware of certain important novels from Shakespeare of Twain than public schools. This is due to how private school students do not require a reading list for their students to use, so they don’t get the same minimum reading achievements as public school students.</p>

<p>Though the arguments against students picking class books to read seems well supported, many others believe quite the opposite. Books required by schools promote fascism and less creativity for students! Why would following a boring standard of curriculum books inspire students to read more and grow smarter? Although people may have a point, by requiring lists, students still do get the chance to choose outside books they want to read, but just at home. If so inclined, they can even host out of school discussions about the book. Also, by choosing classic novels that teach a wide range of morals rather than just vague teen-culture books, school districts get more scrupulous graduates.</p>

<p>Even if an individual student doesn’t choose his or er own book to read in class, there are plenty of opportunities to read outside of the classroom. By having a district-mandated list of books, English classes allow for the more well-rounded student, less distraction from the discussion topic, more appropriate topics, and a more equal distribution of education among students. Though some may apprehend that it’s too late to change the school system and it might ruin students’ views of school, as Franklin D. Roosevelt once said," The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."</p>

9

<p>Here’s the first ACT practice essay that I wrote (bad idea) and hopefully someone can grade be on either a 6 or 12 point scale. Thank you!</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>At some high schools, teachers have considered allowing each student to choose the books he or she will read for English class rather than requiring all students in class to read the same books. Some teachers support such a policy because they think students will greatly improve their reading skills if they read books they find interesting. Other teachers do not support such a policy because they think that students will learn more by participating in class discussion with others who have read the same books. In your opinion, should each individual student be allowed to choose the books he or she reads for English class?
In your essay, take a position on this question. You may write about either one of the two points of view given, or you may present a different point of view on this question. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.</p>

<hr>

<p>*All books were underlined and essay typed as it was written</p>

<p>From Great Expectations to Their Eyes Were Watching God, students all across the country are reading these classical texts. However, at some high schools, some teachers have considered letting their own students choose what they want to read instead because “it will greatly improve their reading skills.” However this thinking is flawed and ultimately lead to a less productive classroom. If students’ books were meticulously elected by their teachers, then we class can eventually engage in a meaningful conversation about themes, rhetoric, and offer their own points of view on this. Books should be chosen not by students, but by teachers to ensure that the overall learning environment is consistent. </p>

<p>Many of our teachers have to abide by a curriculum, either a state or local one. Nevertheless, the can still follow the curriculum, engage their students, and inspire us to learn more by presenting us with great works from fantastic authors. I remember a knowledge question that we had for semester 2 was “how does language shape our culture?” We then began answering this by examining songs from Kate Wolf like “Land of the Navajo” and “Medicine Wheel.” Everyone enjoyed this lesson plan and when our teacher sang the songs in his deep and deliberate voice, everyone paid attention. Because of his personal curriculum, we enjoyed songs about love, death, nature, friendship, and so much more. Then we followed up the discussion by reading Their Eyes Were Watching God, which itself was written in black vernacular and presented us with a cultural point of view that we never could’ve understood just by reading ourselves.</p>

<p>This book led to some fantastic class discussions about finding love, ourselves, and what we want it life. These types of class discussions and socratic seminars are crucial for an English class and vital to the development of our understanding of the world.</p>

<p>While some may say that these types of educational and as well as personal gains can be achieved through students choosing their own books to read, yet this is simply not true. If students were to choose their own books, sure some may choose Austen or Ibsen, but others - those “slackers” - choose the easy way out and select the Hunger Games or Twilight. Although many of the books chosen can be great books, some undoubtedly have no merit in a classroom setting. </p>

<p>The benefits of choosing one’s own books to read are greatly overshadowed by the negative side. Participation by everyone in the classroom setting and its discussions can lead to an overall more productive learning environment. Unless several students chose the same book, then group discussions will not be possible and the student is not able to analyze the text at a greater length with their peers and not be able to get a different perspective on the essay.</p>

<p>Jane Addams once said that “all learning stems from equal and uniform access” when talking about education rights. However, this “equal and uniform” principle can be applied to a classroom scale to ensure an engaging and worldly environment. Teachers ultimately want their students to succeed and Professor McGonagall in Harry Potter said “we are quite good at what we teach” and I think that teachers should be doing the teaching and instructing the students towards their future.</p>

<hr>

10

<p>Oh wow, the test is tomorrow. I’m not exactly versed in ACT grading; that’s why I made this topic. Someone seriously needs to grade these.</p>

11

<p>@GameRoom I’ll try to give you my opinion on your essay since I really don’t know what to grade… Can you do the same for me though??</p>

12

<p>@GameRoom</p>

<p>Essay 1:
The essay itself is a bit short but legible. I think you could’ve expanded a bit more on the federal budget, could talk a bit about recession, but I like the comparison with the world on the test scores and it seems believable. I think you could’ve meshed the economic side effects into a single paragraph and had a greater focus on your essay. I think you need another argument and the one about shortening the school hours didn’t really hit me as a good one. Overall, a 7/12. </p>

<p>Essay 2:
The essay again is a bit on the short side. Your thesis can be more clearly written. You considered the other side which is really good, but your argument against it is not well developed. Your main arguments could be longer. You can probably talk about the greater benefits of taking classes in the summer. Overall, 6/12.</p>

<p>Don’t give up yet, read this if you haven’t
<a href=“ACT Essay Guide - How to Get a 12 - ACT Preparation - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/act-preparation/1137654-act-essay-guide-how-to-get-a-12-p1.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>@karthik123‌
You essay has a good length and really strong points. I like the classroom example of how this was supposed to be a good thing but led to a bad thing. Great arguments (some that I should’ve thought in my essay, but whatevs). Counter argument is well balanced. That quote at the end seems just stuck on there though but good conclusion nevertheless… 9/12 possibly 9.5/12</p>

<p>Can you grade my essay (same topic)</p>

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<p>@AiYaaaa‌ thank you so much for reading it! </p>

<p>Starting from the intro, you repeated however in two sentences, it threw me off a bit. lead should be leads, and “we class” sentence also threw me off. It has a good closing line in the intro, and meticulous is a good vocab that brings out the strong writing style more.</p>

<p>2nd paragraph: you should reiterate how your teacher singing songs brought out the fun cultural point of view and how students reading independently shows a completely different side. i recommend starting out the paragraph with a summary sentence of what the paragraph is about, because it was only until the very last moment of the paragraph that i completely understood how it related to the prompt.</p>

<p>im not gonna do by paragraph anymore, rest of essay: Yes, personal gains can be achieved individually, but bring that out more. a significant amount of points is from knowledge of counterarguments and the complexity of the issue. Your essay is well wrapped up, but only examines that one point- teachers have better picks for books.</p>

<p>you could examine the ease for teacher grading? the increase in quality? its important to include multiple points in there. </p>

<p>I would give it an 8/12 Your end quotes worked.</p>

<p>Here is my 11/12 essay that my tutor said had a good structure to it. By paragraph, heres a breakdown:
1(catchy intro with fake personal anecdote and then thesis with at least 2 reasons. 2) main point. example with hard vocab and non repetetive facts. finally reiterate at the end 3) transition that relates to another point using not only, include a short counterargument, and continue to emphasize the point. 4) 3rd point with another example that is oddly specific that relates to a chinese student that deals with this issue that supports my point. 5) however… much more complicated. 2 rhetorical questions, but then address those questions with slim answers. 6) conclusion with a question that supports your pov. reiterate 2 points, a possible solution, and tie in the quote.</p>

<p>prompt: In your opinion, is it too distracting for
high school students to divide their attention among several
activities when they are doing homework?</p>

<p>“Turn off your TV and go to your room. When I check, you should only be doing your homework.” The voice of my mom reverberates as I dragged my feet to my bedroom, ready to be bored to death while doing my homework. Instead of listening to music, watching TV, or even eating a snack while studying for my biology test, I’m forced to be in a drone while studying, impairing my efficiency. Multitasking while studying is beneficial and should be supported because it prepares students to multitask as adults and it allows for faster completion of duties. </p>

<p>Adults often multitask far more often than kids and thus preparation needs to start earlier. My dad Charles, for example, is always doing something else when driving, such as talking to me and my brother, using the GPS, or even eating a corndog; driving isn’t an easy skill to master while simultaneously using your brain for something else, and thus children can be more prepared by doing strenuous tasks such as studying a textbook paired with an easier task, like watching a funny TV show. By allowing kids to do homework while enjoying another activity, the student will become more prepared, not only for her test, but also in the long run as an adult forced to do many things at once.</p>

<p>Not only does multitasking prepare students for the rough adult life, it also can make the student focus better by being overall happier. Some may say that scrolling through Twitter or Facebook can cause the student to dwindle his time futilely, but if it makes the student think as happy as a puppy given a treat, he will effectively finish his work faster and with better quality. Happy thoughts make happy work, as most say. By allowing kids to satisfy their hunger ofr entertainment while doing homework, parents optimize the contentedness kids find while completing banal tasks, and they will learn to enjoy the moment of studying. With all this time doing multiple things at once, there is even more space later in the night to accomplish other assignments. </p>

<p>This sort of increased speed can actually give kids more time to do non-school related studies later in the night. For example, my friend Jackie, who lives in Suzhou, china, is absolutely loaded with homework from school. There’s no way she can watch her favorite TV show and finish all her homework while getting enough sleep to function; as a solution, doing those 25 page reading assignments for english language while watching The Bachellorette seemed successful, as she explained to me how she even got extra assignments finished due to how she set goals to finish 2 assignments before the episode finished. With this extra time that she crammed into the Bachelorette hour, Jackie could then spend more time on her other homework, or perhaps getting more sleep. </p>

<p>However, the issue of efficiency is much more complicated than this. How can one judge how all students perform while having their slim attention divided? Kids with ADHD may have a hard time while kids who enjoy studying more than the other task might also find it filled with adversity. However, because multitasking is such an important task for life, these exceptions should be ignored in order to benefit the greater good.</p>

<p>What is the point of homework if it’s not done or it’s finished languidly with no sort of emotion? Students who multitask while learning often get their assignments completed faster, with better quality, and with extra time to spare to do extracurricular activities. Schools should thus start to advocate the dividing of attention for students at home. And, if one is timid about changing the status quo of how study time works, he or she should heed John F. Kennedy when he said," The only thing to fear is fear itself."</p>

15

<p>@karthik123‌
Thank you for grading my essay… I’m gonna write another one right now… Hopefully I’ll write a bit longer and less repetitive than my first one. Also, can you just tell me what kinds of scores have you been getting on the ACT practices or on the real test(s).</p>

16

<p>ill zone out and start thinking of the dragon in httyd and get 33s but with hope 35s</p>

17

<p>@karthik123‌ Your quote attributed to JFK actually belongs to FDR…the reader would definitely notice that, as it is one of the most iconic phrases spoken by any President</p>