Can someone critique my JHU personal statement? (those in or past college)

College Essays
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<p>Here's the prompt:
Write a brief essay in which you respond to the following question.
(freshman applicants only): Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)</p>

<p>Would anyone care to help me revise my response?</p>

<p>Please give advice in which I can work with to improve the CONTENT (not so much grammar unless it's absolutely necessary). Try to tell me what I should improve on without saying it "too" harshly...</p>

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<p>And also, I plan to submit my application sometime this weekend…so I’d greatlyyyy appreciate anyone who can read/critique my essay on the spot (aka…like now)</p>

<p>thanks so muchh</p>

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<p>Sure =] i’d definitely be more than happy to help you :)</p>

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<p>did you have like a grabbing sentence for your supplement essay, i wasn’t sure if it made sense but my GC whos a moron said i should</p>

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<p>actually…im going to apply to JHU too…and i also wrote a JHU personal statement.
could anyone crtique it? :D</p>