Can someone give any feedback at all on my essay?

The part of the SAT that I am most worried about at this point is my essay. Can you guys give any feedback? Tips on my examples, structure, or even a score if you are so kind? At this point any help is greatly appreciated.

Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in authority?

Yes, it is important to question the ideas and decisions of people in authority. Often times, those in authority will often act in their own-self interest and must be reminded by those under them for those things to change. This can be seen in contemporary examples such as the American wealth gap, the status of police brutality, and even the Holocaust/power of Nazi Germany in World War II.
The wealth gap is a prime example of how authority must be challenged for things to change. In the US, CEOs make 600 times more than one of their employees annually, and 1% of Americans own 40% of the country’s wealth, while the bottom 80% have only 7%. This has been the status quo for decades, yet nothing has changed- the situation has only gotten more severe if anything. One can only expect this to change if the authority, in this case, the government, is pressured to do anything about it (by the people), in the form of legislation.
A more notable example is Germany before and during WWII. Under Hitler, Germany conquered several neighboring nations such as Austria during Hitler’s quest for world domination. Although Europe and the US knew of this, they did nothing about it except expecting Hitler to stop after they only said to. Obviously, Hitler continued his imperialism, and conquered Poland, leading to WWII. All of this could have been averted had the Allies acted faster and more decisively, instead of merely spectating Hitler’s conquest.
Finally, the status of police brutality in the US is a hot topic and relevant one to this essay. In 2014, Michael Brown, and unarmed teen, was shot and killed by a police officer in the US. This sparked long-standing tensions between many Americans and the supposedly discriminatory and prejudiced police forces of their cities. People walked in protest through major streets and towns in solidarity with Michael Brown, sending a message to the nation: police brutality must stop. This is important because it shows that authority must sometimes be challenged by those under it.
Clearly, for change to take place, those in power must be challenged by those without it, or things could potentially never change. Submissive reaction to an authority figure is only harmful to those that are under that authority.

Post edited by DRON3D at 9:01PM

Not a bad essay; I can see that you are really trying. 10. Way to use 3 examples.

First Body paragraph: too many statistics. While those are accurate (I happen to know them, sadly), SAT readers will be inclined to think you made them up. Instead, use a concrete example about the income gap. Your last couple of sentences are too hypothetical (“One can only expect”). Don’t do that; say something concrete that just happened, even if the story is slightly tweaked.

Second: “A more notable example” is a bad opening sentence. You basically discredited your first example. A better start would be: “In addition to income inequality, Germany in the World War II era shows that…” This is a pretty good example.

Third: Don’t say “hot topic” and “relevant to this essay.” It obviously better be relevant and hot topic is too casual of language.

Conclusion: Again, get rid of words like potentially. Not really feeling the word “Clearly” either, use “In the final analysis.”

Maybe add a few vocabulary words?

Thank you very much, your help was invaluable.