Can someone grade my SAT essay (I'm a really good writer)

<p>Prompt:
When we go shopping, most of us do not think about the impact our spending has on other people. However, if we buy products from companies or individuals that mistreat their employees or the environment, or that otherwise do harm, we indirectly approve or even encourage such behavior. On the other hand, it may be unrealistic to assume that anything would prevent people from buying a good product at the right price.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do consumers have a responsibility to purchase goods only from companies and people whose actions are beneficial to others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>The free market provides consumers with countless opportunities to freely purchase any number of goods and services. With this newfound “right to buy” customers have also established the tradition of opting not to purchase certain goods or services regardless of need. The system of capitalism encourages a conscious selection of goods from optimal sources, but the effect of boycotts is far from proved. Most recently, consumers tested the viability of the open market by boycotting the “Chik-fil-a” restaurant chain, after the management expressed their views against same-sex marriage. While most would not contest that the owners of the restaurant are entitled to freedom of speech, the American people are similarly endowed with the freedom to choose where to spend their money. After the protest had garnered significant media attention, a new breed of individuals came out in support of Chik-Fil-a. The new swarms of restaurant goers not only balanced the customer deficit, but they actually effected an increase in sales. The boycott which activists had hoped would send a message to the restaurant owners had backfired, and the press attention bought a new set of loyal customers to Chik-Fil-a restaurants. The nature of boycott-worthy causes is often so polarizing that the opposing consumers will neutralize each others’ cause, leaving the boycott moot. The consumer role in sending a message to a company certainly exists, but its status as a position of power is highly questionable.</p>

<p>Sometimes you try too hard.</p>

<p>The “right to buy” is not “newfound.” It’s pretty old, in fact, and the free market predates every controlled market</p>

<p>“opting not to purchase” is not a “tradition.” Most people don’t do it, and boycotts (in the USA, anyway) tend to be short-lived.</p>

<p>The boycott did not test “the viability of the open market.” Choosing to buy or not buy is a part of the open market.</p>

<p>“a new breed of individuals” did not come out to do anything. The counter-protest was a flash in the pan, and their values were not new. You call a group of people a “new breed” when they’re really up to something different and they have some longevity. The Tea-Party counts as a new breed.</p>

<p>I’m drawing all this to your attention because I kept having this “huh?” kind of reaction as I read. Clunky prose works against your content, and it’s especially distracting when it’s apparent that you’re going out of your way to write this way on purpose.</p>

<p>It’s good that you aspire to a more mature style of writing. But you’re still in the experimental stage. Save it for situations where you can get feedback. Don’t use it where it counts. Not yet.</p>

<p>I think the biggest things are that it seems a little short, you only really draw from one example, and, most importantly, you really don’t directly answer the prompt. The prompt does not ask about the effectiveness or viability of a boycott; rather, it asks whether or not we, as consumers, have a <em>responsibility</em> to boycott. You gave a pragmatic answer to a moral or ideological prompt.</p>

<p>Most of my other comments have already been voiced by WasatchWriter. Other than that, you have a really sophisticated style that was pretty engaging. Good job!</p>