Score MY Essay

<p>I wrote this essay timed and was hoping any one can grade it and critique it. Also if You can state your essay score form your last sat
When we go shopping, most of us do not think about the impact our spending has on other people. However, if we buy products from companies or individuals that mistreat their employees or the environment, or that otherwise do harm, we indirectly approve or even encourage such behavior. On the other hand, it may be unrealistic to assume that anything would prevent people from buying a good product at the right price.
Assignment:
Do consumers have a responsibility to purchase goods only from companies and people whose actions are beneficial to others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<pre><code>As consumers we have major responsibilities when it comes to the well being of everyone on earth. We should always be considerate of the workers and the conditions where they work because by turning a blind eye to it we are inadvertently supporting it. History has shown us over and over again through the Massacres in the Civil War to The Reagan Union Crackdown in the 80s that we are and should claim responsibility.

The Civil War was one of the greatest wars in the history of time. Millions of lives were lost all because many plantation owners didn’t want to give rights to their slaves. In the narrative of Frederick Douglass he describes how many kids grew up with one pair of clothes that would have to last them for years or how they got one day off which was Christmas. Why would the Confederates assume that no one would strike back for their greedy heinous crimes? So many lives could have been saved if they had only seen how horrid their actions were.

In the 1980s close to 15000 airline traffickers from all over the country had decided to go on strike. They felt that they were not being treated fair enough. In response Former President Ronald Reagan decided to fire all of those workers. This response was completely uncalled and was the proper way to fix the problem. The United States of American was built on the ideology of freedom and Equality of everyone. In the mean time everyone traveling on those airlines through those airports were all panicking since the country was in strife by not having smooth airport operations. At that moment many people realized that these workers would have never done this if they had been treated right. However as always we humans fail to learn from our mistakes.

It is our moral duty to purchase and support companies that provide proper accommodations to their workers. By not doing so we are supporting the other companies tactics and moves. We shouldn’t follow the crowd but we should be leaders. If someone is standing up for peoples rights then we should stand up with them because the say we stop fighting for each other is the day we cease to be human beings.

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<p>@ibraheem98</p>

<p>I like how the first sentence thesis is very strong and straight to the point. </p>

<p>However, the connection between the examples and how they prove the thesis that consumers must be responsible is not quite clear. How does first paragraph this? Give more details and draw more connections between the body paragraph and the thesis.</p>

<p>There is also no transition between the first and second body paragraphs. </p>

<p>Once again, it doesn’t fully make sense in the second paragraph how this means we should be responsible as consumers. Should people have not traveled on the airlines then in order to support the air traffickers? This needs to be more clear.</p>

<p>The writing is not bad but the examples need to clearly prove your thesis more. For this reason I give the essay a 3/6.</p>

<p>I don’t remember the last essay writing score I got (I took the test almost ten years ago) but I’m a graduate of Stanford, if that matters.</p>

<p>Thank you for your comments and I guess I have to work on getting stronger examples </p>