Can someone grade my SAT essay pls?!

Test Preparation
1

<p>The assignment is: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present? </p>

<p>Answer </p>

<p>Memories definitely help us learn from our past as they are a way for us to remember the choices we have made throughout our lives. Both happy memories and worth forgetting ones have something to teach us which in the end can lead us towards becoming better human beings.
To begin with, a particular example that comes to mind is from an episode of a TV-drama series called “C.S.I.”, where the suspect shoots someone to death, as according to his claims he had betrayed him. When they find out that the victim was innocent, the suspect gets overwhelmed with guilt as he realizes the terrible mistake he has made. The image of the dead-innocent person stays with him forever so that he can remember never to make the same mistake again.
Similarly to the criminal’s case, in my own life I have experienced situations where my actions have stayed with me as memories until now. Some years ago, I ended my friendship with my best friend due to a misunderstanding. When I reconsidered my reaction and found out how recklessly I had acted I tried to gain back our friendship but it was too late. There was no going back. Now I have promised myself never to make that mistake again as I can still picture the look of disappointment on her face.
To conclude, in both cases of the criminal and myself, memories act as the means of never letting people forget about their actions, whether that is losing a best friend or ending an innocent person’s life, so that we can never reenact these terrible decisions.</p>

2

<p>This seems too short; without even reading it, this essay will score <4. Some minor grammatical errors as well. You should try develop your ideas more or draw 3 examples to increase your word count.</p>

3

<p>Ok that’s what I thought so too. Could you pls specify a couple of the grammatical errors?!</p>

4

<p>I recommend that you review your comma rules. I counted four missing commas in the first paragraph alone. Also, the phrasing is awkward at times: “both happy memories and worth forgetting ones” just doesn’t sound right. You should try leaving about five minutes after your essay to proof read and edit. This should eliminate most of the awkward phrasing, and your essay will flow a lot better. At the same time, you should practice writing faster so that your essays are longer. Even though CollegeBoard won’t admit it, essay length has a pretty major impact on your score, and it’s very rare that an essay this short will get a high score.</p>

5

<p>Before I begin, I would like you to know that I received a score of 11/12 on my SAT essay. This is definitely not to brag (okay, maybe a little bit), but to tell you what I did to receive that score. </p>

<p>To start off with, organize your essay clearly according to convention:
Introduction
Body Paragraph 1
Body Paragraph 2
Body Paragraph 3 (if you have time)
Conclusion </p>

<p>I noticed that you HAVE done this, but its worth repeating. </p>

<p>Also, (this is very important) your introduction has to PULL the reader in. They have to be interested when they read the first few words. I always start my essay with a question, and proceed to answer the question, somewhat like like this:</p>

<p>“Do we learn from our past? Do we fail to repeat mistakes that we have made before? Many times, we do not learn from our past at all. We repeat our mistakes hoping that this time, it will be different, an exception of sorts, so we may bask in the glory of a miracle”…</p>

<p>Blah blah. You get the point. </p>

<p>You can proceed to state clearly what your opinion is:</p>

<p>“I believe that memories hinder people in their efforts to lear from the past and succeed in the present.”</p>

<p>That’s my opinion. You clearly hold the opposing opinion but I hope you get the point.</p>

<p>Make sure you have a clear thesis statement. This is a kind of mini summary. Around a line long. In India we call this a thesis statement. I think it’s called a topic sentence or something to that effect in the US. Anyway, it should state what is about to come in your essay, and it is usually clubbed with the opinion, sort of like this:</p>

<p>“I believe that memories hinder people in their efforts to lear from the past and succeed in the present. This can be seen in the book ‘Gone with the Wind’ and the television show ‘Breaking Bad’, two works of immense importance that have large audiences.”</p>

<p>Then proceed to write your body paragraphs. An annoying thing that people do is use ‘Firstly’ and ‘Secondly’ and ‘Thirdly’… In my opinion, the fact that the points are numbered in that fashion is clear because you have already divided your essay into paragraphs. The reader is smart enough to know that there are three points. Rather, use phrases and words like:
And, in addition to, furthermore, moreover, besides, than, too, also, both-and, another, equally important, first, second, etc., again, further, last, finally, not only-but also, as well as, in the second place, next, likewise, similarly, in fact, as a result, consequently, in the same way, for example, for instance, however, thus, therefore, otherwise.</p>

<p>(source for the transitional words and phrases: [Writer’s</a> Web: Transitional Words and Phrases](<a href=“http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/trans1.html]Writer’s”>Writer's Web: Transitional Words and Phrases))</p>

<p>Another mistake people make is to use their personal experiences in the essay. I know it states in the question that you can, but it can only be used in the LAST resort. You are trying to prove a point here to someone who doesn’t know you. Why would your experiences change the way they see things, or influence their way of thinking? Rather use examples that are popular and QUALIFIED in a worldly sense. Make sure they are contemporary and relevant, that these works that you’re referring to have great importance in society today. </p>

<p>Finally, repeat the question you used in your in introduction in your conclusion. And then paraphrase your thesis statement. You’re good to go.</p>

<p>Also, read magazine articles and books to increase the quantity and quality of your vocabulary :slight_smile: It really helps.
My 740 in writing is completely due to the fact that I read a lot, and indulge in discussions even though it is sort of terrifying sometimes. These things make us better people, personally and academically. </p>

<p>Aaaand please make your essay wayyy longer. Mine covered all the space that was given.</p>

<p>If you have any more questions, feel free to ask :D</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Cheers,
Meghana</p>

6

<p>I’d give it a 3 (or maybe a 4) out of 6, but idk, I’m not an SAT grader! I do think it should be longer, and fill up the space if possible. My strategy was always to spend like 2-3 minutes thinking of examples (3 examples for 3 body paragraphs), a thesis, and outlining, and then just go with that and spend the rest of the time writing.
I used a personal example in my essay (though I also used two non-personal examples), and I got an 11 too, so I wouldn’t necessarily advocate against that. Write about whatever examples you feel fit the prompt (or that you could pull stuff out of to mold to the prompt), and don’t worry too much about accuracy of examples or whether they are too personal. I’d recommend using at least 1 historical/ literary/ current event example though.</p>

<p>Memories definitely help us learn from our past as they are a way for us to remember the choices we have made throughout our lives. ← [this is a good thesis, but it’d be helpful to stick in a hook before this sentence as your first sentence.] Both happy memories and worth forgetting ones have something to teach us which in the end can lead us towards becoming better human beings. ← [this is awkward, “worth forgetting ones” should be hyphenated (“worth-forgetting”) or just changed overall. “towards becoming” is awkward, you could just say “to become”.]
To begin with, ← [unnecessary IMO] a particular example that comes to mind is from an episode of a TV-drama series called “C.S.I.”, where the suspect shoots someone to death, as according to his claims he had betrayed him. ← [“as according to” is awkward] When they find out that the victim was innocent, the suspect gets overwhelmed with guilt as he realizes the terrible mistake he has made. The image of the dead-innocent person ← [“dead-innocent” doesn’t need to be hyphenated] stays with him forever so that he can remember never to make the same mistake again.
Similarly to the criminal’s case, in my own life I have experienced situations where my actions have stayed with me as memories until now. ← [“in my own life”, “until now” are unnecessary] Some years ago, I ended my friendship with my best friend due to a misunderstanding. When I reconsidered my reaction and found out how recklessly I had acted I tried to gain back our friendship but it was too late. ← [“found out” and “gain back” could be worded differently] There was no going back. Now I have promised myself never to make that mistake again as I can still picture the look of disappointment on her face.
To conclude, in both cases of the criminal and myself, memories act as the means of never letting people forget about their actions, whether that is losing a best friend or ending an innocent person’s life, so that we can never reenact these terrible decisions. ← [this sentence could be split up, it’s too long and rambly (is rambly a word, idk?)]</p>

<p>So, this is just my opinion! I think you have good ideas here and a good structure, you should just have another example, more details, and less wordiness/ awkwardness in a couple places. Good luck!! :)</p>

7

<p>Thanks to everyone who replied! I will use your advice and write another one. My main problem is that although I have ideas I don’t seem to have enough time to phrase them…english is my second language so I kind of struggle with expressing them…</p>