<p>I'm completely over whelmed, trying to get everything in, TONIGHT. Can anyone try or at least comment on this short answer? Pleeease. Thank you in advance. :-}</p>
<p>Every single country in one room, trying to solve global issues for the advancement of man kind. It may sound unbelievable, but for the United Nations, it is a reality. Model United Nations started at my high school sophomore year, and I made sure to join. How it works is by each school getting a few countries that they have to represent at the conferences. For the conference, we researched every thing about our issue and country. Due to funding issues, and inclement weather, our conferences were canceled. Our first conference turned out to be the most important one out of them all, the New York conference. Naive to the entire process, the club went. I fell in love with the entire program once I began to really understand it. I met people from around the world, and saw things ways I never would have otherwise. I took a role that I otherwise would have never thought of, I was an ambassador.</p>
<p>Given the strict limit, every word counts in this essay. Therefore, you might want to spend fewer words on the club itself (I’m sure adcoms know by now full well what MUN is) and more words on how the club affected you as a person, which, I guarantee you, is what colleges actually want to hear. You touch on its effects towards the end, but it’s not very convincing. Giving an example or two on that would make the essay much more effective.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for responding, I’ve been editing and trying to fix it up, is this any better? Thanks so much again.</p>
<p>Every single country in one room trying to solve global issues for the advancement of man kind. It may sound unbelievable, but for the United Nations, it is a reality. I joined Model United Nations when it began at my high school, sophomore year. Each school receives a country which they have to represent at the conferences. For the conference, we research our issue and country. Due to inclement weather, most of our conferences were canceled. Our first conference turned out to be the most important one out of them all, the New York conference. Naive to the entire process, the club attended. Once I started understanding, I fell in love with the entire program . I met people from around the world, and saw things ways I never would have otherwise. I admired the business, negotiation, and global affect the conference offered. I took a role that I otherwise would have never thought of. Model United Nations helped my leadership, communication and networking skills I use till this day.</p>
<p>That’s better, yeah. There’s a few sentences you could fix here and there, though:</p>
<p>“Naive to the entire process, the club attended.” - Rephrase, maybe to something like “We showed up to the first conference ignorant of the process.”</p>
<p>The sentence “Due to inclement weather, most of our conferences were canceled.” is kind of just there, it doesn’t really serve a purpose. Does it really need to be there?</p>
<p>Maybe change “I took a role that I otherwise would have never thought of.” to “I assumed a role I otherwise would never have taken” or something along those lines.</p>
<p>Aside from that, there’s a few minor things (till this day should be to this day; you’ve got a comma splice in the fourth sentence from the end) but structurally it works.</p>