<p>I am not applying to Dartmouth.</p>
<p><a href="http://notepad.cc/share/0q8MMMFK8E">http://notepad.cc/share/0q8MMMFK8E</a></p>
<p>It's all on there</p>
<p>Add the word “that” after "character’ in the first sentence, second paragraph.</p>
<p>“set out to teach Taekwondo who was boss” This part didn’t make much sense. Did he try to teach Taekwondo to his boss?</p>
<p>I meant:</p>
<p>He set out to make taekwondo his bi***</p>
<p>in other words, master it, have complete control over it</p>
<p>I have to disagree with Pujiyhgttb3. If you add the word “that,” then you need to replace the dash with “is” or else you have a very awkward sentence. Your sentence as written is fine, although I would use a colon rather than a dash. </p>
<p>The “as a” in front of “friend” in the first line technically should be eliminated to maintain parallel construction, but the sentence is acceptable as colloquial writing. </p>
<p>The plural of “X” in the second paragraph should be Xs or X’s.</p>
<p>Was the use of “crying out in the wilderness” in the third paragraph intentional? You do know that the Dartmouth motto is “vox clamatic in deserto” – or “the voice of one crying out in the wilderness.” I thought it was nice touch. </p>
<p>That’s all I have. Nice job. </p>
<p>Wow, nice! I’m surprised you caught that! </p>
<p>Yes, it was intentional. I actually managed to fit in the schools motto in all of my own supplemental essays. Do you think italicizing them in the sentence would make it too obvious? I wouldn’t want the reader to gloss over it, after all. </p>
<p>Other than that, thanks so much!</p>
<p>Edit: Happy new year!</p>
<p>Don’t italicize it. That would put in the “too cute” category. As it is, it’s likely to make the admissions office reader smile. Have a happy 2015!</p>