Can someone please please please grade my SAT essay! :'( urgent

<p>I have posted many essays here and generally found out that I try to sound posh and elevated, which is good, but sometimes can lead me off course. Therefore, I decided to heed the advice of CC pundits and made my essay more "direct"! Thanks!</p>

<p>"should books portray the world as it is or as it should be?"</p>

<p>Words cannot express the extent to which people trivialize the value of portraying the world as it should be. One should not, however, fall prey to this misconception that it is excusable to think that all children should be exposed to "realism" in books. Hence, it could be said with utmost confidence that positive ideals should be illustrated by books, which inevitably engenders creativity and a "better" world. Several social and historical examples verify this claim.</p>

<p>We need look no further than the Korean education system to verify the aforementioned statement. In a world where people over-emphasize the value of science and mathematics, it is no surprise that Korean students - young children in general - lack critical thinking and creativity. Many books taught in Korean literature portray the world as it is : the right and wrong are decided. Compared to their American counterparts who read about how the world should be - in other words an idealistic world - Korean children do not have the "blue-prints" for development. Their world remain stagnant. Adding to this negative externality, the Korean education system force students to comply to standardized testing and rote memorization. It is clear that these students must be exposed to books that spur creativity - such as wonderland novels, instead of Death of a Salesman - in order to escape from the dull, commonplace world that shackles them from climbing to the zenith of creativity.</p>

<p>Take as another example the play "nest" in which playwrite Heather Brooke constructs a utopia: a world where parents and children share the same fascination for books. In analysis of Act I, it is clear that there are two "divisions" in this utopia: children who read fiction - historical biographies to science magazines - and children who read comic-book-superhero. In contrary to common belief, the children who read comic-book-superheroes came up with an ingenious way to defeat the "Dark knight" who tried to engulf the world with his evil powers.</p>

<p>Furthermore, Einstein , the epitome of creativity and father of innovation, is evidence that will strengthen is claim. When Einstein constructed the E=mc^2 universal formula, he imagined himself on a beam of ray traveling to Earth. Like the trite maxim: "the most important thing in life is creativity as it is the preview of life's coming beauty", Einstein emphasized the value of creativity in a society that follows orthodoxy, especially in scientific method. This example is significant and germane to the topic because it explicitly portrays that books that contain content about and idealistic world not only sparks creativity, but also sets the path for children who have potential in achieving it; it is the "preview" of a world that could come true, and thus instill hope and will become a driving force for many generations to come.</p>

<p>An indisputable reality of life is that books should illustrate an idealistic world. In final analysis, positive ideals are the sparks that will ignite the engines of creativity. As evidence of this claim comes from literature to history, this idea is universally accepted and should be enforced in all aspects of life.</p>

<p>5/6. This is a nice essay, just a little too wordy. It sounds a little “posh and elevated” and, like you obviously heard before, you should try being more direct instead of sounding “fancy” so to say. I had to read your introduction twice just to figure out your point. If I am comprehending it correctly, you are essentially saying:</p>

<p>“People lessen the value of accurately portraying the world. However, one should not believe the misconception that “realism” must always be presented in books. Positive ideals should be illustrated in books to give the reader a sense of a “better world” and engender creativity as well. Throughout history, it is evident that positive ideals demonstrated in books prove to be beneficial to society.”</p>

<p>Do you see the difference? Be more concise and more simple. It will really help your writing.</p>

<p>Also, there are a few minor grammatical errors (such as subject/verb agreement) - be wary of this on the actual test. </p>

<p>I hope you take my criticisms receptively because it is, otherwise, a great essay with elaborate supporting examples.</p>

<p>Thank you for the constructive criticism!</p>