can someone please tell me if this is a good start to the short answer for common app

<p>It's not done but I feel like its not very good. Thanks :)</p>

<p>Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below:</p>

<p>I'm not the best soccer player out there, but I love the beautiful game, and the people on my team. I was a shy freshman, my first year, and probably one of the worst on the team. As I grew with my teammates, I got better and I more outgoing. Though I never made it full time on varsity, I was able to help my younger team members. I was also elected captain for two years on the junior varsity team.</p>

<p>Here's the rest of it:</p>

<p>For me it wasn’t just about winning, though that was great too, but it was about helping my second family become better soccer players and people. Before our last game, at the huddle, I said a quote that completely described my team. It was, “The greatest feeling in the world is when your on that soccer field, and you know that your team is going to succeed because you look around and see your 10 best friends playing beside you.” Soccer has been a big part of my life, and I'm glad I was able to experience it.</p>

<p>its 913 words. thanks for your time!</p>