can someone read my horrible statement! :(

<p>I HAVE NOT FINISHED WRITING IT...I JUST WANTED YOU GUYS' OPINION. SHOULD I TAKE A DIFFERENT APPROACH OR SHOULD I IMPROVE IN SOMETHING ELSE. PLEASE BE BRUTALLY HONEST. I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.</p>

<p>SOME BACKGROUND:
BARELY HAVE A 3.1 gpa (i KNOW..ITS BAD! BUT ITS BETTER THAT HIGH SCHOOL...LOL)
LMU IS MY FIRST AND ONLY CHOICE. I DREAM ABOUT THIS PLACE EVERYDAY.
MAJOR; PSYCH
TRANSFER STUDENT FROM GCC
EXTRA CURRICULAR'S: TICKET SALES INTERN FOR AEG, ASSOCIATED STUDENTS-SENATOR , 1 JOB, VOLUNTEER AT G HOSPITAL.</p>

<p>STATEMENT 1: At a recent Commencement Mass, LMU's former President, Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J. said: ‘‘So what is the answer to this deep insecurity we all feel? The answer, I think, is to embrace the adventure of becoming deeply, and fully, ourselves. This is what God is really calling us to. It seems like the riskiest of all journeys, this journey to be one self. But it’s ultimately the journey that leads us to happiness, that leads us into God’s dreams for us.’’</p>

<p>QUESTION 1: Why do you think Fr. Lawton says the ‘‘journey to be oneself’’ seems the riskiest of all journeys? What risks lie ahead as you embark on your college career, and the ‘‘adventure’’ of discovering and becoming yourself?</p>

<p>The journey to find yourself can be the riskiest of all journeys, because in the process of finding yourself you can make a lot of mistakes. Throughout life, many of us make decisions that seem right at the moment, and at the end they’re wrong. All of these decisions that we make are what we should embrace because they embody who we are, and who we are going to be. There are many external conflicts that may affect one's journey, there is one in particular that is close to my heart. In high school, I was not the best student. I was missing 80 credits to graduate and it was obvious that I was not going to graduate on time. Even though it was impossible to make up the credits in less than a year, I knew in my heart that there is always a way. I took the challenge, and went to 4 different schools throughout the year. I went to my own high school, 2 different adult schools, and my community college. From 5AM to 9PM I was in school, on the weekends I’ll volunteer at A LOCAL Hospital. I made it out of high school on time and on stage.
People were proud of me, and most importantly I was proud of myself. When I was on stage, despite the wrong turns I made in high school, I knew that God had a plan for me; he just wanted me to want it too. God already had all these choices and paths for me to choose from, he was just waiting for me to choose the right one for myself. God wanted me to realize that I have the potential to be whoever I want to be, I just had to act on that desire. Even when all odds were against me, this leap of faith was one of the best decisions I have made up to this point in my life. I sacrificed time spent with friends, on social networks, school dances, family time, prom, grad night, and sleep just to graduate from high school. I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it. If I would’ve not made those sacrifices and had accepted that I was a failure, who knows where I’d be. Life is about taking that risk to find out who you are and where you are destined to be. Without doing so you will forever wonder what could have been.
I'm certain that during my tenure at LMU, I will indeed have to face many more challenges in order to be true to myself. I will be exposed to many kinds of pressures that may or may not change who I am. There might be negative ones, such that might influence me to try drugs, drink, or even cheat on a test…(TO BE CONTINUED.</p>

<p>I think you’re on the right track but maybe explain why you slacked in high school and then talk about how you “fixed” whatever was wrong. Then I think you could go on more about how hard it was to get back on the right path to graduate on time. People like to hear the bad/sad times and how you overcame it. Just my thoughts.</p>

<p>I would not be posting this on line. I also think that you are writing 2 different essays. You need to address the “journey to be yourself” through your own journey, but tie your difficulties into your essay, don’t just say that it is God that has guided you, because I think that this misses the point…the prompt is that this is a risky journey. How has it been risky for you so far? It’s not a bad essay, it’s just trying too hard…</p>

<p>Isn’t this a tad too late?</p>

<p>I’ve read your essay, and found many of the pieces of it rather cliche and banal in content. I would approach this essay in a more creative perspective, and not answer this essay in a scientific paper kind of way. Hope that helps.</p>