Can someone revise my brief statement

<p>An important trait that all successful people have is optimism. This is a trait that I take great pride in. There's been numerous times where I didn't quite get the results I desired. I know that everything happens for a reason and we can only learn from our mistakes.Self-motivation is also another one of my strenghts. I know that you are not always going to have a role model to teach you everything you need to learn. It's important to be independant and have a mind of my own. My parents were what I would call a little on the "soft side". They were perfectly satisfied with me just graduating with basically a 2.0GPA. I on the other hand was disappointed and was motivated to prove myself that I can be better than that. I currently have a 3.67GPA in college, with this past semester making straight A's. I have never made straight A's before. So it came as a shock to me that of all places I made straight A's in college. It motivated me, and I feel like I'm just now touching the surface of my potiential. Than again not everyone is perfect. I have my fair number of weaknesses. I do have my tendecies of getting discourage when I recieve bad results. Education has become my 1st priority, and when I getbad results it feels like the end of the world. A way I can overcome this is by consistently working hard to the point where I know my capabilities. If I know my worth a bad result will not discourage me as much mentally. I also have a mediocre track record. It has affected me in a couple of ways already. I applied to a couple of colleges after high school, and didn't get in. The only way I see myself overcoming this is to keep building up a good resume to the point that my high school records are less important. Towards the end of my high school life, I got a little bit distracted. I just started working at McDonalds, and time management was something new to me. I started losing focus and as a result my grades started to suffer a bit. I was able to graduate, but again my job was taking up alot of my time. When it came time to take a placement test I scored pretty badly. I took remedial courses, and was very upset. On the bright side I didn't make anything lower than a B in those course, or any courses for that matter. It was more of me losing my focus, than me being academically challenge. That's something that I'm able to work with. I always intended to go to a 4 year school, but I need somewhere to prepare me maturity wise. I decided to enroll at Delgado Community College. Spending three semesters there I am making the transition from high school life to College life. At Delgado I make every effort to maximize all the possible resources that is offered to me. One thing I fell in love with was the libary. When i'm there I feel nice and relax and I look for what school work I can get done. I have done my research on this school and I fell in love with was the campus. I love how ULL intends to make the campus bigger in Fall 2012. I also read that it's one of the best business schools in the state, being able to learn in the business program would be such an honor to me. I hold myself to a high standard and anything lower than a 4 year degree will be a faliure in my book. Also you can never have to much knowledge. I love to be multi talented on many things and One degree is not what I envision. I planned on working on muiltple degrees, one of them being a degree in psychology. It's a course that I have a strong interest for, and I figured why not get an education for it. After attending so many low budget schools where I've been unhappy, being admitted to UL would be a previlage that I will not take for granted.</p>

<p>Since you didn’t tell us what the “brief statement” is supposed to cover, it’s hard to respond, but I recommend:</p>

<ol>
<li>A separate paragraph for each major point–the first paragraph should be an introduction, the last a summing up/conclusion–just the way your English teachers always taught you.</li>
<li>Check your spelling.</li>
<li>Don’t put down other schools–it makes you sound like a malcontent.</li>
<li>Don’t make excuses for poor performance in the past–plenty of people hold down jobs and still do well in school. In fact, I suspect there’s no reason to discuss high school problems at all–people go to community college for all kinds of reasons, and it’s all in the past now anyway. What’s important here is how you plan to go forward and why this college is the right place for you to realize your goals.</li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck.</p>