Can someone score my SAT essay ? Please !!

<p>I learned about the making a statistical example and any story strategy for SAT essay this summer. However, I'm not sure whether this is the right way to write an essay or not :( Can someone please give me any feedback?</p>

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<p>I firmly believe that people should be judged by their potential rather than experience and achievements. The research at Princeton University clearly demonstrates the notion since participants judged by their possibilities were found to be happier and more successful. Another example is the autobiography of Eric Williams, a famous businessman who performed and expanded his business a lot because of others' judgments of his potential as a businessman.</p>

<p>In 1953, researchers at Princeton University conducted a study in which 1000 students were broken into groups of 500 each. Two groups performed whether people should be judged by their potential or experience and achievement under differing conditions: the students in the first group were acknowledged by others with their potential of being an inventor of new technology while the students in the second group were praised for their experience as an inventor. The participants were then tracked for 17 years. At the end of the study, the students who were encouraged by their potential were found to be happier and more successful and they had higher salaries and a greater sense of fulfillment on average according to the self-reported studies. Conversely, the other participants who focused on their experience and achievements were found to be struggling with issues such as lower employment and stress since they worked less because of strong belief of their own abilities. Although the exact cause could not be determined with 100% certainty, researchers theorized that people are more successful if they are judged by their potential, not achievements. 13 years later, a Harvard University professor conducted a similar study with results that supported the original conclusion. </p>

<p>Another example is the autobiography of 'The Life and Success of Eric Williams.' Eric was the one who always failed at economic class in college. Although Eric performed good experiments and projects on Economic class, he always had problems with tests. When other intelligible students in his class were acknowledged with their achievements in Economic field by others, professor Mr. Drake caught Eric's potential as a businessman. After that, the professor took a care for Eric to grow and investigate himself as a businessman. As Eric was encouraged by his professor and collegues, he became the CEO of one of the biggest asset companies in the United States. Accordingly, the autobiography of Eric Williams lucidly exemplifies the notion since Eric could succeed in business through others' judgment with his potential. </p>

<h2>Both the research at Princeton University and the autobiography of Eric Williams clearly show that people should be noticed and judged by their potential rather than their achievements and experience. The 500 participants and Eric Williams could be successful in their areas since they were encouraged with their potentials by others. </h2>

<p>Those examples are all fake. Just made and created in 20 minutes. (when I was taking practice test)
Any comment please..! Thank you. </p>