can you check my mock college esssay for english?

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>ok- can you jsut check to see if this makes sense?</p>

<p>grammar, word usage, and stuff like that</p>

<p>this is just the beginning of the essay</p>

<p>People have come up to my family numerous times, and have begged us to find treatment for a few of my uncles, and many times, we have had to explain that there is nothing wrong with them. They are just sort of like perpetual children, lost in that ecstasy of freedom attained when people reach high school and college, overwhelmed by liberty, yet unaware of what to do with it.ok- can you jsut check to see if this makes sense?</p>

2

<p>yeah, its fine - but what is the essay actually about? Unless you make that very clear in the next paragraph, its gonna be pretty confusing.</p>

3

<p>yeah- it talks about how my unlce got into a drunk fight with the mall santaclaus</p>

4

<p>I don't know if that makes for the best essay...</p>