Can you grade my AP World CCOT essay?

Hi! :smiley: As I’m sure the rest of you are, I’m crazily preparing for the test on Thursday. If anyone could offer some feedback/gradings based on the rubric, I’d really appreciate it! </p>

Prompt: Analyze the political changes and continuities in ONE of the following civilizations before the 600s CE.
India
China
Rome</p>

<pre><code> During Rome’s long history, it changed politically in many ways. It grew from a small settlement on the Tiber River to a massive empire over the centuries. There were many changes in Rome’s political system over the years, such as its changes in its religious policies, governmental structure, and leadership. These changes were likely caused by Rome’s change from republic to empire, vastly changing the government. However, there were also several continuities. These included the use of provincial governors, the Roman legal system, and patriarchal, patrician dominance of politics.

From its founding in the eighth century BCE to its western collapse in 476 CE, Rome’s governmental structure changed considerably. After a brief period of monarchy, the Roman Republic was established. The republic rules for several centuries, ruling by the voice of the people. Senators represented the interested of Roman citizens. However, with the reign of Caesar, this changed. Rome became an empire ruled by a single emperor. His dictatorial rule was imposed upon the people without their consent, starkly different from the elected representatives of the republican era. Later, Diocletian decided to split the empire, causing two separate political entities to develop; the Western and Eastern Roman Empires. This destroyed Rome’s original unified imperial structure and gave it a more regional character. The strength of the bold empire was lost. Also, Roman political attitudes toward religion changed during its history. Traditionally, Rome was pagan, with most worshipping a polytheistic religion sponsored by the state. Later, Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity, and Rome became a Christian empire. This was much different from the pagan beliefs of long ago. In addition, women gained a few rights during the imperial era, granted by politicians in the government. They had more commercial rights and freedoms than their republican predecessors.

While Rome’s political system did indeed change, some facets of Roman politics endured. The military continued to be an important part of Roman government during both the republic and empire. Military leaders often rose to high positions. Law and trials also remained important parts of the political system. The Roman legal system stood strong, with traditions like the Twelve Tables during the Roman Republic and Justinian’s Code much later in the Eastern Roman Empire. During both the republic and empire, Rome used governors and native rulers to oversee their far-off territories. An element of decentralization was thus preserved through this provincial government system. While women did gain a few rights over time, Roman politics were still heavily patriarchal. In the republic and the empire, only men could serve in public office or other political positions. The landowning upper class, the patricians, dominated throughout Roman history, holding most of the power.

Clearly, Rome’s political system had several continuities, seen in its overall patriarchal dominance, provincial governorship, and tradition of law. However, there were many elements of Rome that changed over the years, including political voice of the people, leadership structure, and state religious policies. These changes were caused by Rome’s growth from republic to empire.

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Thank you so much and good luck to anyone who’s taking it this week! Happy studying! :)</p>

Any scoring/comments would be greatly appreciated :)</p>

Get rid of likely in the intro.
Bunch of grammar errors. Not like picky ones. Like ones that make the sentence sound weird.
Seems alright to me</p>

For starters, you need three groups. Think of them. Maybe 2 changes, 1 continuity. Or vice versa. Right now you have 2 changes and a little bit of continuity. </p>

I’d elaborate on the “tradition of law” in your last paragraph. And the last paragraph also addresses change for some odd reason. That’s not good - you need a dedicated continuities paragraph (or 2) </p>

Other than that, it looks good. I like how you drop proper nouns in the thesis. That’s a good start. The information is solid throughout. The style, especially the use of transitions, is superb.</p>

Do we always need 3 groups?</p>

The rubric just says to address continuities and changes</p>

So i think intro, what changed, what stayed the same, conc
will be fine right?</p>

i’d say a 4 (maybe 5). you continuity is fuzzy and it would be great to have an <em>oh wow</em> thesis statement.</p>