can you grade my essay in one minute? :)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>i know my essay is pretty bad,but i still want know ......</p>

<p>''Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?"</p>

<pre><code>We need other peple in order to understand ourselves in this society.People usually need to depend on each other to comprehend more about themselves.Examples of this phenomenon can be found in the American literatures-----''To kill a mockingbird'' and ''The Lord of the Flies.''
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<p>In the story of ''To kill a mockingbird'',by Harper Lee,Dill has understood more about himself through the way that Mr.Gem acted in the case of Tom Robinson.Dill was just a ten-year-old child that he did not really understand himself very much.After he had been in the court and seen the trial,he found out that in fact he was a very emotional boy that before he had seen the trial,he did not understand himself very thouroughly.Dill had thought that he would not be affected by anything to cry easily .However,during the trial,Mr.Gem ahd asked Tom Robinson a lot of questions that showed the maliciousness of human which Dill could not endure.Therefore,during the trial Dill just ran out from the court and cried because he could not endure Mr. Gem's maliciousness to Tom.</p>

<p>In the story of ''The Lord of the Flies'',by William Shakespeare,Ralph was a young boy that he was so reclusive and quiet among all the other children. He thought that he was a coward and did not dare to do anything to have a conflict with other people. However,John,a boorish child,had led other children to start the conflict with Ralph.John even led them to kill Piggy,who was completely inoocent in the story. After Piggy had been killed,Ralph was angered that he could intrepidly resist John's control. He found out that actually he could be a brave bouy who would not just blindly follow other people's control.</p>

<p>In conclusion,Dill and Ralph were just two young boys who had misunderstood themselves.Through Mr.Gem 's and John's maliciousness,they understood that their real sides were completely different from what they had thought.Therefore,we can realize that people actually need other people to understand themselves better from reading these examples.</p>

<pre><code>ps:i know the accuracy of the story is not really accurate,but the sat graders dont really care about the accuracy,right?they just care about the organization ,etc,right?
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<p>i would give this essay a 6 (combined)</p>

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<p>why does it deserve a 6?can you give me some suggestion to improve it?(i suck at writing essay )</p>

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<p>'The Lord of the Flies' is British Lit., btw, and was written by William Golding</p>

<p>Ralph was one of the leaders, not a recluse</p>

<p>but SAT grades tend to focus more on organization and how you back up the argument</p>

<p>to be quite honest, this essay lacks a definite argument; it's organized in a block style, but the argument is lacking</p>

<p>edit: there is a vague sense of what you're trying to say, but there isn't much substance to the essay; and using two examples from the same genre is something i tend to avoid (i.e. i do something from lit and then from history, or something like that); but, using two examples from the same genre is okay; there have been 11s and 12s that do this; it's just something i personally avoid</p>

<p>I would give it a 5 or 6, combined (3+2 or 3+3)</p>

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<p>how to make my essay to have a definite argument?i stick to only one side already....</p>

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<p>i gave it a 6 based on the fact that your grammar is so terrible that it masks your underlying arguments. i can probably figure out what you're trying to say, but SAT graders don't have that kind of time.</p>

<p>you should work on your grammar before you follow peyton's advice. you need to learn how to say something before you actually say it. does that make sense?</p>

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<p>^ good point; i wasn't paying much attention to grammar, but once i read it again, that would do it; i was reading it fast, so i was looking more into content; but grammar can help get your argument out more easily</p>

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<p>can you guys tell me what kind of grammar i should work on? preposition?tense?</p>

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<p>Example:</p>

<p><<in the="" story="" of="" ''the="" lord="" flies'',by="" william="" shakespeare,ralph="" was="" a="" young="" boy="" that="" he="" so="" reclusive="" and="" quiet="" among="" all="" other="" children.="">></in></p>

<p>rewrite: In the story 'The Lord of the Flies,' Ralph is a young boy who is one of the more reclusive and quite children of the group.</p>

<p>or something along those lines (he wasn't reclusive, though; he was the original leader; but that isn't as big of a deal)</p>

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<p>what book do you suggest me to use to work on my horrible grammar??</p>

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<p>Lord of the Flies was NOT written by William Shakespeare >_></p>

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<p>ye a few problems</p>

<p>thesis is ok we need other people to understand ourselves.</p>

<p>why ? </p>

<p>support</p>

<p>topic sentence 1: understand how not to act ?</p>

<p>topic 2: ralph is quiet ?</p>

<p>my take;</p>

<p>we need other people to understand ourselves better ? </p>

<p>Ie teachers tell us what we do well. A pat on a smile reaffirms this </p>

<p>also peers show us that we do other things well. friends are a basis of comparison to gauge how well we are doing ? </p>

<p>you can also say other people provide feedback on acceptable behavour. ie they teach us what behavour is ok. Teacher reinforce good behavour. friends too</p>

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<p>Haha, William Shakespeare lol....:rolleyes:</p>

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<p>7
10characters</p>

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<p>The intro paragraph is pretty weak. You say yes to the prompt, but don't say why. Also, don't say literatures. It's literature. As another poster has pointed out, Lord of the Flies is a British piece of literature. Not a big deal, but you should know.</p>

<p>2nd paragraph: You jump from present perfect to past tense to past perfect etc. throughout the paragraph, sometimes all in the same sentence. When you discuss the plot of a story, always write in present. It makes everything flow better. As for this paragraph's content, it's not too strong either.</p>

<p>3rd paragraph: The story was written by Golding, not Shakespeare. If you don't know who the author is, don't even mention an author. Ralph is a charismatic character who quickly becomes the leader of the group, not a recluse. And Ralph's enemy isn't John, it's Jack. Plot details aren't everything, but if I were an SAT grader, I'd suspect that you simply looked up a random story on Sparknotes the night before to use as an example.</p>

<p>Overall: You use literary examples, which bolsters your score. I would recommend a third example from history if you have time the next essay you write. However, your grammar and word choice are weak which doesn't help your argument. As I said, write in a consistent tense. Throw an SAT word in your paragraphs here and there. I'd give this a 6.</p>

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<p>so if i consistently use a same tense in a paragraph,it will be a lot better ?</p>

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<p>Let's be honest, people who grade the essay don't care much about the content and grammer as much as the length, just make sure you don't have obvious grammatical errors and flagrant lies such as the novel was written by Shakespeare ( he doesn't write novels. they will lower your score because that mistake).</p>