<p>Thank you in advance if you decided to read and critique my essay. You can be as easy or tough as you want. I am really just wanting some feedback and opinions on the strengths and weaknesses of my essay. It is one of two essays required for undergrad admission into UT-Austin. </p>
<p>Personal Essay E:</p>
<p>Choose an issue of importance to you the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.</p>
<p>My oldest sister is a dedicated mother of four boys, a devoted Jehovah's Witness, and an illegal alien. She arrived to The United States twenty five years ago in the arms of our mother when she was just three years old. Like many immigrants in our situation, my mothers decision to bring her children to The United States came with multiple implications. Our status as illegal immigrants meant living with the fear of being deported, and the stigma that as outsiders we were a threat to others. This distorted belief about illegal immigrants, however, is far from the truth. From my experience, I can say with certainty that all of the immigrant students I have met in my life share the same values, ambitions, and admirable qualities as non-immigrant students. This responsible, honest, and dedicated group of undocumented young adults deserves the opportunity to prove what a positive contribution they can make in society. The issue is no longer a question of lawful or unlawful entry, it is a matter of social justice; we just have to come together to attain it.</p>
<p>Because social justice is one of the strongest values in my life, I strongly support any policy that will aid illegal immigrant students in becoming legal, permanent residents of The United States. Providing my services to the community is the most noble and highest of my aspirations; which is why through online videos, blogs and online social networks, I share my experiences and my knowledge about current events that will benefit a large number of immigrant students lacking a social security number. The more informed people are on the subject, the more likely they will be persistent to achieve a change for the better. President Obamas recent policy, Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, will help many illegal immigrants, including my oldest sister, obtain a work permit and place a hold on the possibility of deportation for period of two years. With great news like this, we can only keep moving forward if more immigrant students come together to shine a light on this pressing matter. </p>
<p>Furthermore, by participating in a movement that aims for social equality, illegal immigrant students would gain invaluable experience that can later be used to obtain government positions to establish equal representation. Nevertheless, advancements of this size can only be possible if their voice is recognized. One way to achieve this is to demonstrate that the qualities they posses will be beneficial to the country. While their contributions in the tax system would certainly strengthen the economy, immigrant students that have maintained good moral character, a strong desire for education, tremendous potential, and a positive vision for change, will undoubtedly transform the nation into one where controversy over immigration becomes an obsolete issue of the past. I believe that some time in my life I will be a part of this extraordinary change that will take place in the near future. </p>
<pre><code>As evidenced in my personal statement, my family and I were the given the chance and we proved ourselves as productive and effective members of society. My hope is now predicated on giving back. If I am elected to become a student at The University of Texas, I will be strongly committed to representing your name inside and outside the school through vigorous participation in numerous events, activities, and organizations. I even plan on creating a community outreach program that specializes in helping manage a crisis hotline for immigrants, teaches them educational life skills, and provides direction so that they and their families can pave the way for social justice.
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