<p>So, which state of grief are you in SkeletalLamping?</p>
<p>GRIEF- The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief: "Losing something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing. </p>
<p>There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it! Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life."</p>
<p>You don’t have to answer certain kind of questions…</p>
<p>That’s something else that I find confusing about this thread.</p>
<p>Everyone talks about how the school you go to “isn’t everything”, but then everyone also encourages me to apply to prestigious schools for graduate school.</p>
<p>… what?</p>
<p>To that effect, “the job market”… so now the objective is just going to school so you can get a job that either contributes the maximum to society or to your personal happiness (the latter is, debatably, really “selfish”). And I know someone will read this and tell me that looking at life in terms of “objectives” isn’t “right” or something, but honestly… the point of this whole process is to work for something, isn’t it? Whatever that something is. And someone did mention earlier that I don’t seem to enjoy the “process”, which is totally incorrect. I can’t think of anything that would describe me less accurately.</p>
<p>But if you enjoy the process, and that process produces nothing of lasting value (tangible or intangible), then what’s the point? I have trouble seeing that… oh wait, I must need psychological help!</p>
<p>I understand how you feel, actually. I think it’s mean for others to tell you to “rethink your priorities” or that you are being overly dramatic. I really do think I know what you mean when you say that being rejected to EVERy top school makes you suddenly feel inferior somehow.</p>
<p>But I still agree with what the others are saying. SO many people want to be the best, and at first I thought I wanted to also. </p>
<p>See there are two teachers at my school: one who is perhaps the smartest genius I have ever met (phD in astrophysics, stanford law degree, lawyer for micosoft v apple case etc), and another who never finished his masters engineering program at UCLa and became a teacher in his twenties. But in the end it was the 2nd teacher who affected me more. When I first met the ultra smart teacher, I COMPLETELY admired him and his path in life and felt that that was what I wanted to do too. But after I met the 2nd teacher, I completely admired his character and his ability to inspire students. The first teacher was smart and just that. The 2nd teacher had mroe of an impact in my life and how I view my future.</p>
<p>So you are wrong to think that you are unimportant/can’t make a difference in society now that you haven’t gone to a top tier school. I know you are tired of hearing from everyone that life is not measured by ivyleagues, but it’s so friggin true I can’t stress it enough. You become somebody by being a true person…not merely an intellectual.</p>
<p>And frankly maybe it’s simply true that you can’t compete with the brightest students who got into Ivy leagues. but that doesn’t mean you can’t contribute to society somehow. </p>
<p>THe smartest people are those who KNOW their strenghts and KNOW themselves and BUILD on that. If you can be the best that you can be–instead of chasing after something you’re not—then life is actually MEANINGFUL. Then you’ve become somebody and can continue to inspire others. </p>
<p>You keep defining intelligence by ivyleagues…but I think intelligence is choosing to live your life in a way that will maximize who you are.</p>
<p>My dd (4 years ago) did not get into the two colleges of her dreams (UCLA & USC). Her friends were over when she got both decisions. They had gotten into UCLA, she had better grades and extra-curriculars, they had better test scores. She spent a half hour in the bathroom crying (grief). Stormed into her bedroom and threw both of her sweatshirts out on the front lawn (anger). Moped around for a good week or so. Revisited the schools she got into. Got a little excited. Picked one, and has never looked back. </p>
<p>She’s graduating from the University of Washington in June with a double major and a minor and a job in Washington DC. Her friends at UCLA have no job offers. Her friend at Stanford has no job offer. Bottom line…what happens from here on out is in your hands…not some adcom’s hands. Make the most of it!</p>
<p>You mention “intelligence” quite frequently.
I think of intelligence (any kind - not only academic)as potential for external success. Intelligence does not imply external success, however - far from it. (Chris Langan, anyone? the Unabomber?)
The separating factor? Motivation. The people who get into Ivy Leagues are usually people who have found their passions extremely early on in life and who have accomplished something meaningful with them. This is very rare - how many people know what kind of mark they will make on the world at age 17, 18? Not only that, but have also actualized their ideas at such a young age? Who knows, you could have extreme potential and you do not know it simply because you have not found the correct environment or stimulation. Perhaps college (whichever it may be) will bring you that.</p>
<p>Think on the bright side - maybe it is better that you were denied admission to these schools. If you cannot deal with being outranked, then perhaps that sort of environment would not be conducive to your learning. </p>
<p>P.S. Honestly, now, I just looked at your thread title and snorted. It is a sad world indeed when you feel “defeated” by age 18 - I know 95 year olds who are plowing on with life vigorously and enthusiastically. Cheer up and get moving for round 2 - college life. Be excited! You are embarking on some of the best years in your lifetime.</p>
<p>I thought the OP started a very interesting discussion but most responses were only typical, boring and AVERAGE, one might say. She confronted a very real question; obviously she is bothered by her rejections (and I think she has gotten over the point where she knows that getting into a good/great school does not define your life) but really what is the point of one’s life if something of a lasting value cannot be achieved. Most people can accept being average or role players in this world and move on but take it this way, the OP has a competitive nature that might be way above her “average abilities or talents”.</p>
<p>OP, in the grand scheme of things, you can never know if you are average or if you are able to discover something ingenious or if the thing you are going to pursue/pursuing might end up as just pieces of “thrash”.</p>
<p>The purpose of education is not to get into an Ivy League school…if that is your entire focus, you are bound to be disappointed.</p>
<p>Sergei Brin, one of the co-founders of Google: math and CS major at the University of Maryland. Dropped out of a PhD program at Stanford to work on a start-up. Epic fail.</p>
<p>@evanlazlo
mmm I agree. I don’t think we should keep rebuking her with “omg you’re defining your life wrong” because I understand why she feels the way she does.</p>
<p>But like i previously said, I strongly believe that a person who truly grows into herself and lives to benefit who she is will be capable of inspiring SO many ppl in the future. Because that is a really incredible person. The people who have truly inspired me in life were not the most successful ppl.</p>
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<p>OK, you want to have a existential meaning of life discussion while dealing with a suppressed sense of loss.</p>
<p>For the quick and easy answer, life is not required to have a meaning; work does not have to have a lasting result; ashes to ashes; dust to dust. Do you need a more pop culture quote to move on with?</p>
<p>SkeletalLamping-- stop arguing with these people… it’s pointless. One of my friends got rejected to a lot of top schools though, and she’s also one of the smartest people I know. I guess I’ve learned that admissions decisions to top-tier schools are just random and never guaranteed. Whatever the reason, I’m sure you will be off to doing something great, Ivy league or not. Good luck! :)</p>
<p>College acceptances are not a measure of your worth. I’ve spent four years with people in my grade and I know them very well. There were some huge surprises on April 1. I know some very intellectual and brilliant students with excellent grades and extracurricular activities who did not get into the Ivies/top ranked places they wanted. </p>
<p>I also know some people, who comparatively were not that brilliant or talented and ended up getting into those very same schools that the former were rejected from. </p>
<p>If it had been up to me - if I was admitting the students - after knowing them for four years, I would have made different choices.</p>
<p>I was disappointed by some of the results on April 1, both for myself and some of my friends. It hurt when I saw that people who were not as qualified as me get accepted over me. Now, I know I sound arrogant here, so please bear with me. I am not some really conceited person who thinks she is better than everyone else. Its just that there are certain students in my grade, that if they got in and I didn’t, I would completely understand, because they were absolutely AMAZING. Instead, people who were less qualified applicants than me got in and I didn’t. </p>
<p>It was disappointing and it still kinda hurts a little bit…but I am trying to understand that top-tier schools aren’t really a reward for anything. I cannot emphasize how important it is for people to realize this.</p>
<p>They are not a reward, and therefore, they are not a measure of your worth.</p>
<p>Don’t let other people tell you who you are. You know what you are capable of. I keep reminding myself this. I don’t need an acceptance to tell me that I am worthy. I don’t need Harvard to tell me that I’m intelligent or talented. </p>
<p>My point is, your life is ultimately in YOUR hands. Even if you didn’t get into the top-tier school you wanted to, your life is only beginning! Don’t let a rejection bring you down at 18. </p>
<p>I once wanted to research with a professor. Some of my classmates found people right away. I had to email over 100 people - that’s right - before I could find someone. I ended up working with someone who was nationally recognized as a genius - not because of his IQ, but because of his pathbreaking research. I could have given up easily, letting rejection get me down - but I didn’t, and I had a wonderful experience.</p>
<p>This was way too long and probably wasn’t too coherent. But I hope you understand what I’m saying. Just from my experience, I know for a fact that just because someone was accepted into Harvard doesn’t mean they’re amazing or brilliant, or that just because someone doesn’t attend a top-tier school, they’re not smart. </p>
<p>To summarize - you’re only 18! You have your whole life ahead of you. I know that no matter where I go, I will definitely end up with an Oscar in 10 years for Best Screenplay! Or, at the very least, I’ll be trying!</p>
<p>Because I only understand pop culture references…</p>
<p>… good…</p>
<p>I have to disagree with the ongoing hypothesis that the job market isn’t conducive to the ivy league schools. My biology teacher went to MIT. A senior asked him which schools he would try to get into had he been given the chance to relive high school. He answered Harvard, Princeton, or Yale.</p>
<p>The reason he said this was because he once worked on Wal-Street, in charge of hiring people for a company. His boss told him if the applicant came from Harvard, Princeton, or Yale, AUTOMATICALLY HIRE.</p>
<p>And although these ivy leagues might not have a superior education (within a reasonable margin) it is certainly perceived that they do. And that’s all that matters. Plus, it impresses girls if you go to an Ivy. =)</p>
<p>@ForHarvard, why are you doing this? Whats wrong with you? Why are you being so evil?</p>
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<p>I’m sorry, I’m not up on the lyrics of current music, but in my day, such feelings as yours were though about while listening to a song by Kansas titled “Dust in the Wind”.</p>
<p>Hopefully, someone with a better beat on current music will find an equivalent song in the past 5 years that you can identify with. I’m drawing a blank on an exact fit right now.</p>
<p>The best song I can suggest for moving forward from your current funk is “Move Along” by the All American Rejects. No it is not reflective like the Kansas piece, but it is one step in life beyond contemplating the utter futility of what we do.</p>
<p>If it makes you feel better, I bought the Kansas album just for that song and I moved along from that phase of life without the All American Rejects.</p>
<p>@ForHarvard I’ve heard quite the opposite. I’ve heard of companies (one in particular that my mom used to work for in human resources/management) being hesitant to hire Ivy graduates out of fear of a “holier-than-thou” attitude. Obviously, both situations are wrong, but sometimes an ivy league education is seen as “pompous.”</p>
<p>The lesson here is rather simple - we do not always get what we want. Try as you might, you might not always succeed by the terms you define as the success…</p>
<p>As the parent of a DS who had the same fate as you last year, please take just a bit of stock in the cyber world’s statement that it will all work out. It does all work out. You will enroll, not in a reach school, but in a safety school, and academics there will continue to be your safe domain. You will have to reach out beyond that classroom setting, find your own challenges, and steer your own path. Sounds awful trite? Perhaps. But life’s like that. It is the learning to learn on one’s own, guided by others, that carries one in the workplace…</p>
<p>If a student absolutely doesn’t want to deal with the Northeast lifestyle, weather, and culture then there would be no reason for them to apply to an ivy. This does not make them average or any less than those that work, live and study in the Northeast. Any superior student wanting to study agricultural fields would be eons ahead studying at their state’s land grant university.</p>
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<p>Oooh Oooh! “You can’t always get what you want” Rolling Stones! Another good song to deal with the OP’s feelings… At least in my day…</p>