I live in a single due to health reasons so when I first moved in I was really hoping that I will meet new friends in this pre-orientation program at my school. I did the program and didn’t make any friends. I know people but I don’t really feel a connection with anyone from that program. I thought well at least I still have orientation to make friends. I went through orientation and still no friends, not even someone I feel a connection with. Then classes started, I see some people I know but I still don’t have a connection with anyone. I tried to join some clubs, one of them rejected me which didn’t help. I’m interested in costume design for theater so I tried to join a theater group but when I said I was interested in costuming, the person from the group said “Oh we don’t need a costumer, don’t bother signing up.” That really hurt, I didn’t even get a chance but I said alright and tried to join more groups. Still nothing. I’m not involved in any organizations right now and it really sucks. I’m eating dinner alone, staying in because I have nowhere to go and I hate it. I’m more of an academic person, I like to focus on school work but it seems like everyone here just likes to party, drink, and smoke. I don’t do that kind of stuff and I don’t want to start doing it. I’m an introvert in the beginning but once you talk to me I open up. I just don’t like to be the one that starts a conversation with someone new. I’ve never had this issue before, I went to a different high school than my middle-school classmates and I went to a precollege class over the summer and made a bunch of friends. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to make friends in college. I need some advice in this situation, it’s been really hard and I’m at this point where I just can’t take it here and I feel like I want to transfer.
Speak with a counselor but I did transfer after my first year. The vibe at my first school just was not me. Be careful to think things through. Remember though that every college will have a disadvantage in some way. My new college was not perfect but it did fit me better.
If you transfer, what will be different? Please read this. I wrote it after my daughter had a hard time adjusting. She is an introvert and sounds a lot like you. She is now a happy senior.
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
Did the person from the theater group explain the reasoning? Did s/he say that costumes are rented/ordered from outside, or that there are already people doing the work? Maybe there’s a simple explanation and it’s not personal…or maybe that person is wrong. Can you find someone else from the group to ask? Maybe you would get a different answer from a different person. Or maybe you could volunteer in a different aspect of behind-the-scenes theater and work your way into costuming. If it’s something you really would like to do, I’d explore it further. Maybe stop in to talk to a theater professor?
Also, I know it’s hard (really hard) but college is a time for challenging yourself and expanding all sorts of skills. It’s good for extroverts to learn to be quieter, more reflective and less dominant in some situations, and it’s also appropriate for introverts to learn to make the first move and to start conversations with people you would like to know better (or just need to talk to). It gives you so much more power and flexibility in life to expand your skills.
Introverts can and do develop great social confidence! You can learn to do it on your own terms and for your own benefit, instead of feeling stuck having to accept others’ choices of whether to talk to you or not.
You might like the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
It’s okay. You’ll make friends in due time. Don’t worry. Keep looking for opportunities to engage and volunteer and things will fall in place.
Please don’t give up. You’ve only just begun college. You already identified yourself as an introvert in a single room who doesn’t like to party. Keep putting yourself out there in the ways that you have been. Making real friends isn’t an instant thing, especially if you are not very outgoing. I can’t imagine that you don’t see any other freshman eating in the dining hall alone. Those very people might even be feeling the way you are and might feel great if you approach them and say, “mind if I join you?” Start up a small talk conversation, and who knows, the kernel of a friendship may begin.
I can tell you this, contrary to the fantasy that you will meet your best lifelong friends the first week of college (this is probably the minority), the reality is that many of the people who make quick friends at the beginning of freshman year are no longer friends by the end of college. Real relationships take time to evolve. Be patient, but also keep trying, never stop trying if you want relationships. They don’t just knock on your door, you have to keep smiling, being friendly and being open to them. Forever. Not just in college.