My son attends a prestigious STEM Magnet High School. He received a B average because he wasn’t challenging himself enough. Students are ultra-competitive there (like most places I know, but this seems more than an average stress level) and the courses are very rigorous. He wants to transfer back to his home high school (ranked very well in our state) because he no longer wants to be pigeon-holed into an Engineering program, he wants more non-science ECs, and his friends are at the local High school (he didn’t click with some of the kids at the Magnet, even though he didn’t “mind” some of them), and he wants to be around more well-rounded kids (not just academically). How would this transfer look on college apps, and are there any major negatives to doing this in your opinion?
My son went to a prestigious magnet and didn’t like it. For all kinds of reasons, husband and I made him stay. I now regret it. Fit and personal happiness are important during those turbulent-enough teen age years. My advice would be to consider moving your son. The odds of it significantly and negatively affecting his college apps are fairly small: so many other factors go into admission to universities, particularly the elites. But the odds of your son being happier, and grateful that you listened to him, are pretty good. There’s more to life than school prestige. Much, much more.
Probably not a significant difference to colleges where 3.0 GPA students go, assuming that he continues to earn a 3.0 GPA either way. But if changing high school results in a higher or lower GPA than otherwise, that can be a big difference.
Obviously, it can be hard to know for sure without a time machine, but if the new high school is a better fit in both academic offerings and social aspects, he may do better there and have more college choices as a result.
I basically agree with ucbalumnus, if his grades improve it will probably be a wash or even an improvement, if he continues to get B’s it probably won’t make much difference. I think he’s got good reasons for asking to switch.
If grades stay at a B it will be a downward trend.
Plenty of people hate high school. Is he more interested in academics or social life? I think his college choices will be the same at both high schoools. If he stays with the magnet school he will hit the ground running in every subject, not just STEM courses. I cannot speak specifically about your school, but most STEM based high schools provide superior English and Compostion classes.
Let him follow his own inclinations. If he doesn’t like the STEM environment & competitiveness at the magnet school, that’s a fairly good sign that he will also find his best-fit college to be one that draws from less academically competitive, more well rounded students … and plenty of those to choose from, including large public U’s in every state.
Not every kid is going to be an academic superstar. But I think worrying about how anything will look on college apps is premature. Your kid is in high school now and it is important to focus on what is best for him right now, not on long-term goals. You’ve said that the public high is well-respected, and you probably can find out fairly easily what colleges the public high students tend to end up at.
Our S18 left a competitive (but not STEM) program halfway through his Sophomore year. His grades.didn’t improve much (he never liked school that much). We encouraged him to leave. Our other son was a STEM magnet program, but chose to stay because his friends were there. He did well in math but not much else. He was pretty much burnt out on school by Sophomore year.
A friend of mine sent two of her kids to a very competitive magnet school well known for its math and science programs.
The first kid loved it. The second did not like the environment. To her, it was too competitive and stressful. Luckily, my friend listened her her younger one and transfer her to our local public school. Both girls thrived in their own environments. They both were accepted to good colleges of their chioces.
If I were you, I’d listen to your son. He does not seem to be a slacker. He knows that the magnet school is not for him. Let him thrive where he will be happy.
I wouldn’t even factor in how colleges will view it. Sounds like your son is unhappy and not engaged but sees a way he can be both elsewhere. Sounds good to me. If he is unhappy in a high pressure environment and not connecting to peers, he wouldn’t want to be in one of those colleges either. We moved our eldest after sophomore year from a magnet to a tiny dual enrollment program. Best thing we could have done and she did great getting into colleges.
Mine was opposite, he opted to move to a highly competitive school. Even though he lost his valedictorian status at his new school, he really enjoyed rigor, competition and like minded peers
I would suggest letting your kid decide, good fit is important for being productive and happy.
Agree completely.
Another reason…if he stays and doesn’t do well, he’ll blame you. He has a real incentive to up his game if he transfers because he asked to do so.
Go. I switched mid high school, and it saved my adolescence.
He has said clearly that this is the wrong environment, and the kids are not his people. His grades are good enough to have earned the privelege of choosing to return to his neighborhood school.
Magnets and privates have really strong personalities. You either match or you pretty much feel like an outsider alll the time until you move on. Since part of what they are “selling” is that personality, they don’t make room for all types.
What is the parenting lesson from making him stay?
I think you should look at how this would affect your son, not colleges…will he be happier/thrive in this setting? He has given it a try for a year and knows that it doesn’t work for him.
I think we as parents we don’t listen and give our kids the credit they deserve. His reasons for wanting to change schools seems to be well thought out. Too many kids with undo stress, depression that can lead to other bad things. Unless you have a good reason not to, like safety of the school, neighborhood etc, listen to his plea.
I think each case is different. Our daughter wanted to transfer to a private art-oriented high school. We vetoed it b/c it would involve an 80-mile transfer to a totally new environment where she didn’t know anyone and the potential results for her were unknown. Just as importantly, we thought there might be reasons that she wanted to change her school setting that she wasn’t telling us: specifically that she wouldn’t know anyone, and they wouldn’t know her. In retrospect, I think we were correct. We provided her with additional opportunities in summer residential art programs that helped her to improve her art credentials, skills, and portfolio. She got into several outstanding art schools (colleges), and later focused on “sustainable design” and completed an MBA on top of her BFA.
Both my sons went to selective public magnets – one STEM, one IB. Low double-digit acceptance rates. One absolutely thrived even while staying out of the cutthroat aspects of the program’s culture. He has said many times that the program saved his life. Had he not attended, we would have been looking at dual enrollment starting in 10th grade (and he was 14 at the time). No regrets there.
S2 went to the IB program and loved the social science parts of it (which was that program’s strength). He had a hard time having to be at top-notch levels in every subject, even the ones that didn’t come naturally to him. It was excellent preparation for college and he got so much out of it, but was burned out by the time he got to college and that had significant implications for his college experience.
S2 also got into the HS STEM program S1 did, but realized it was not the place for him. (He was right.) He says he’d do IB again – but he also had an acceptance at a lower-key magnet humanities program that I think would have been less stressful and where he also had friends who were attending. That would have been less intense than IB, but more academic than the home HS.
He also has ADD-inattentive and exec function issues that made the workload never-ending. I think we spent so much time supporting the rest of life so he could focus on school and ECs, and when he got to college managing everything was overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. He’s now 26 and still is wrestling with it, but he’s living on his own, which is good for ALL of us.
DH also went to a NYC selective program – his debate coach was the parent he desperately needed in a sea of domestic chaos. All three of them did well in college admissions, but of course getting in is only the first step.
OP, in a couple of years, your S will be completely responsible for his education. It sounds like he has good reasons for making a change and has given it considerable thought. Better that he learns now what works for him than when he gets to college and realizes he’s in the wrong place. I’d encourage that developing self-awareness. It will serve him well in life.
In this case the OP’s son wants to move to the well-ranked local public high rather than stay at the public STEM magnet. So there don’t appear to be any good reasons for the parent to object. No cost or distance factors to weigh…if anything, the school location is probably more convenient for the family.
Additionally, the kid seems to be shifting away from STEM, so the magnet school is limiting his ability to explore other interests, though it could also turn out that in a more relaxed academic environment he might find his math and science classes more enjoyable, and his interests rekindled. Sometimes intense competition can be so stifling that it undermines learning.
So yes, every situation is different, but in this case the son’s request also seems to be the one that best meets his needs and does not inconvenience his family in any way.
Of course I think our answers might be different if the OP had raised concerns about the quality of the local home high school or social environment.
Thanks for the advice everyone. He’s going to enroll in our local high school.
Good luck to him! Hope it is a great experience.