<p>If you know the name and it’s not terribly common, you don’t even need a directory, once you know how that school’s emails work. Eg, initial and lastname, then everything ends with @college.edu. In any case, just because OP did have the email, doesn’t mean the college is waivering about the policy.</p>
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<p>At D’s college, they held an orientation for parents whereby several members of the Residential Life staff spoke, and then they introduced the RA’s for each floor of the dorm complex. The Res Life person provided her email and a card to parents and said she’d be available with questions for nervous new parents. The RA’s didn’t - it was clear that all we were to know about them was “I"m Mary, I’m a junior, I’m from Boston and I’m the RA for the third floor.” “I’m Susie, I’m a senior, I’m from Los Angeles and I’m the RA for the fourth floor.” That in itself told me - the RAs are for the students to contact; the Res Life people who are employed by the college are for me to contact (if necessary).</p>
<p>Again, I appreciate everyone who’s taken the time to offer their opinions.</p>
<p>I’m a single Dad who has had primary responsibility for my D, including her educational pursuits and her athletics, as well as her general health and welfare. </p>
<p>There seems to be an overwhelming consensus here that RA’s have no responsibility given the circumstances of my D’s illness. </p>
<p>I now understand and accept that it doesn’t fit their job description.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m just disappointed. Like most of you, I’ve read the incredible lists
of HS student EC’s on CC with all those volunteering hours with poor, sick, old etc.</p>
<p>Does that spirit of helping people in need only exist in building up their college application resume?</p>
<p>Not to pick on this RA, but I bet there was plenty of that kind of ‘helping others’ on her
college application.</p>
<p>In this case she seemed to do her job, nothing more.</p>
<p>I started this thread for both feedback and as cautionary tale for other parents. I never had thought of this scenario when I sent my D away. Maybe I was just plain ignorant.</p>
<p>I can only hope that in the future that my D if presented with a neighbor, roommate, teammate etc who is sick like she was, and alone, will remember what it felt like. </p>
<p>Maybe then she will offer to bring them a bowl of soup.</p>
<p>Right, Pizzagirl, the way that the parent orientation was handled at your D’s college also makes it clear. And the use of first names only protects the RA’s privacy and complicates sending emails.</p>
<p>Clarity of this type also minimizes the frustration of a parent who is running into a stone wall. I can really sympathize with someone whose child is somewhat seriously ill during the first week at school.</p>
<p>Also, untreated strep can lead to further health problems–although I guess that in this case, the OP’s D did have antibiotics already? Obtained when she got the diagnosis of strep?</p>
<p>Edit:
And “Amen!” to the last paragraph of the OP’s most recent post, cross-posted with my message. I’d hope students would help each other out.</p>
<p>^Maybe when your daughter is better she could start such a service.</p>
<p>I don’t even know the name much less the phone number of my kid’s RA. I certainly was never at any meeting to meet with them.</p>
<p>If your college student is sick and can recoup in the dorm - great, but if help and monitering is needed, she should go to the infirmary where there is a duty nurse. RAs have first-aid training and the ability to call 911, but that is it.</p>
<p>I have taken this opportunity to remind myself what the procedure is at Tufts in case I should get a call from a sick kid. The dining hall has an arrangement where you can have someone pick up food to eat in your room: [Meals</a> for Ill Students - Tufts Dining Services - Tufts University](<a href=“Homepage | Tufts Dining”>Homepage | Tufts Dining) It’s pretty mysterious though whether you have any options besides staying in your room and infecting your roommate if you feel ill. I don’t think so.</p>
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<p>I’m quite sure I never even knew the names of my kids’ RAs…nevermind their contact information.</p>
<p>However, in the parent information there WAS info about the residence life office…not the specific RAs. </p>
<p>Back in the “dark ages” I was an RA at a public university. There WERE RAs on call every weekend but we rotated that responsiblity…All of us had to be in the dorms on weeknights (at night) but on the weekends we shared/rotated the on call responsibliities. I had 50 girls on MY section of the floor, and someone was always sick. If I had been responsible for checking in on all of them, I would never have been to class.</p>
<p>Now having said that…I DID accompany more than one very sick student either the infirmary, off campus clinic or ER. Then I contacted residence life to let THEM deal with contacting the families. That was NOT my job. In fact, even back in the dark ages, if we had a parent “concern” of any sort, we were asked to forward the phone number or letter (long time ago) to the director of residence life to handle. We were specifically told that communications with parents was NOT to be done by the RAs.</p>
<p>When my own DD was taken to the ER, she went with her friends who called us immediately. DD did the same for a friend in a similar situation.</p>
<p>At many schools, the names (and sometimes pictures, majors, hobbies, etc.) of the RAs for each dorm are on the dorm web site. I always assumed that this was for getting-to-know-you purposes, but now that I think about it, of course you can find someone’s email when you have that info.</p>
<p>Does that spirit of helping people in need only exist in building up their college application resume?</p>
<p>Why the comments implying this RA was involved only til 12/31 of hs senior year? Do you even know if this RA was on duty or in a late study group? And, do you feel similarly about the roommate, hs friends, kids next door, etc- who all probably had decent volunteer ECs, as well (and as far as we know, did not check in?) </p>
<p>Of course, we sympathize. But, we don’t have the same residual annoyed feeling about the kid who essentially functions as a dorm social director and link to Res Life staff, the kid who makes sure no one’s pulling fire alarms and that roommates enter conflict resolution.</p>
<p>I would have been aggravated that the roomie walked out. I would have verified just how much attention my kid actually needed. As you note, she had been to the health center, had water and whatever and wanted to sleep. I know this is hard. But, you are still annoyed at the RA?</p>
<p>Btw, I’d bet the RA’s job depends on following policy and many get some funding or R&B discounts and depend on their jobs for their own expenses.</p>
<p>I’d have been much more offended that OP’s D’s roommate hadn’t checked on her and offered to bring her food–seems like a pretty basic courtesy to me. And I find it hard to believe that OP’s D was so sick that she couldn’t get herself into the hall to ask a dorm-mate to fetch some soup. </p>
<p>Can you imagine if parents sought help from RA’s every time their kids were sick–especially those times when a stomach bug takes down half the school? In a couple of years OP will look back at this thread and chuckle at his freshman parent self.</p>
<p>Not to pick on this RA, but I bet there was plenty of that kind of ‘helping others’ on her
college application.</p>
<p>That’s honestly a little unfair. I became an RA because I love to help people, but I also have my own obligations. There are times when I have had to tell residents to find another RA to help with a lockout/package/other non-emergency situation because I was simply too busy, or doing so would make me late to another one of my many obligations. Like I said, if I took care of every single student in my building, I would not have time to do anything else, and as RAs we are reminded that we are students first. Checking in on your daughter and determining that it was not an emergency situation is the best that any RA can reasonably be expected to do. We are compassionate people but we have lives to do not revolve solely around the needs of our residents. That would be a full-time job and we are all students as well.</p>
<p>I actually went through a similar situation when I was a brand new Freshman in college - I had strep throat and Mono. I was really, really sick. Luckily, I had the best roommate ever - she actually stripped my bed and washed the bedding after I became ill all over them. I’m not sure I would have done the same for her! </p>
<p>At no time did an RA ever come to check on me. Actually, I didn’t even think about it at the time. It was my responsibility to get myself to the health services offered at school. In the end, I had to check myself in to their overnight facilities so they could monitor me because my liver was in distress - I was there about a week. My parents offered to fly me home, but I loved college so much, I wouldn’t even leave for 102 fever! I was lucky to have friends come check on me, and my brother was in Graduate school at the same college, so he popped in now and then too.</p>
<p>Looking back, I’m wondering if the RA even knew I was sick. As a parent, I would hope that my kid would have an RA with compassion enough to check on him if he was that sick. But I guess I couldn’t expect it. They don’t really act as parents, just give some guidance now and then. Some are better than others of course - I think some probably do it for free room and board, but there are some that are very caring. No, it might not be their job to check on sick students, but it would be a nice gesture since they are in charge of the hall. Besides, how can you NOT check on someone who’s that sick? It only takes a second - pop your head in before class or before dinner. It’s not that hard.</p>
<p>Look, maybe we could cut the OP a tiny micro-fragment of slack. He is worried about his sick daughter and he wished somebody had shown a bit more compassion and concern for her locally when he couldn’t. His worry and anxiety expressed itself in some anger, which attached to the RA.</p>
<p>I say to the OP, I know that feeling of helpless fear-anger-fear-fear-fear, when you are worried about your child. I don’t blame you for venting on here. So, you got corrected about the role of the RA. We didn’t have to tear you apart, but we did. I’m sorry. I hope your daughter is feeling better, and I have a feeling you are a wonderful dad.</p>
<p>^^ Agree in all respects, Skyhook. It’s tough, that first away-from-home illness, for both parent and child. And I have to confess my “mama bear” has sometimes come out when I’m worried about my child. I don’t think there’s anything either crazy or unforgivable about that.</p>
<p>Skyhook and LasMa, you guys are right. Sorry if I piled on.</p>
<p>Hoping the young lady is feeling better and back to her classes and college life!!</p>
<p>Being sick without one’s parents to help and comfort is the pits. Even when we are older and on our own, some of us (me!) want our moms when we are sick. But that is one of the rites of passage and of separation inherent in becoming an adult. It is difficult for all involved.</p>
<p>I’m glad OP’s daughter is feeling better.
I was wondering though…did the daughter ever think of contacting the RA if she needed anything?..I’m sure a quick text or email would have gotten the daughter some help from the RA if she wanted it.
I’ve had all3 of my boys get very sick far away and it’s no fun. But I also realized that they were old enough to either get through it or get help…and that they knew the difference.</p>
<p>I’d like to add my own experience to support the OP’s idea (mistaken, as it turned out) that an RA could be responsive to a parent. At orientation at my freshman daughter’'s small, public college, we were given a form called “essential information.” This form listed phone numbers which the parents were to obtain at move-in; included was the RA’s, which I dutifully copied from the directory on the hall. When a situation came up 8 weeks into the semester which, in our view, warranted a call to the RA requesting information on a housing matter, the RA responded very curtly that she would not talk to us. While this may be the residential life policy, this also directly contradicts the written information the college provided to parents. At least we now know that we cannot count on the RA for any future assistance, but it was disappointing, nonetheless, given the false sense of security that we were left with at orientation.</p>