<p>I was wondering if anyone on CC shared my emotions...when you are accepted to a school, they offer you a great financial aid package. They send handwritten, personalized letters to you, and commission current students to email you as well, and when you show up for revisits, admissions officers personally greet you with warmth and compassion. They'll say, "Oh, I'm so happy you are considering the Exekissoverton Academy."
Then you turn them down. They are still very courteous, they'll say, "I completely understand, and I am very fond of the Bledaftoate School. If you ever have anything you want to talk about, shoot me an email." But you still detect the hurt in their emails.
Doesn't everyone feel really bad when this happens? It's especially unfortunate for those who get into multiple schools, I was personally on the verge of tears as I was making my decision.
Thanks for reading my little rant, and please reply.</p>
<p>i definitely did, and still do feel it sometimes when i turned down peddie for lawrenceville. everyone was so super nice!!!</p>
<p>hmm, I wonder if it is the other way around. Do you think they would be sad when they reject applicants or do you think they are blind to it by now?</p>
<p>I had this. Andover sent me like all these messages and the admissions officer said I was her favorite interview of the year. They had all these current students and alumni contact me and current parents call my mom and dad. But I just didn’t really liked Andover. Well, I just liked Exeter so much I couldn’t bare the though of going anywhere else. And when we called they were just like “Yes, we understand. We wish her good luck in everything she does.” Ugh I almost cried I felt so bad, but I felt so happy about Exeter that it just kind of balanced out.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I can appreciate the concerns here. Why should there be any tears of disappointment if you are attending the school of your choice? Whose feelings are hurt? Not any schools, for Pete’s sake. Schools don’t have “feelings”. People do. Now people do hurt when rejected. But no student is being rejected here. So why the tears?</p>
<p>If you turn down Deefield, the Big Green just moves on to the next great kid standing in line dying to enroll in that august institution. When you reject Deerfiled, the next kid in line is happy because he will attend DA; the admin officers at DA are happy because DA has a great student coming to Deerfield; and you are happy because you are attending the school of your choice.</p>
<p>If anyone or anything might feel bad when a kid rejects an offer from a school, it is the kid. He could have buyer’s remorse. (“What if I had only married Jane instead of Jean…?”) </p>
<p>So, please don’t worry or weep for Andover, Exeter, Hotchkiss, SPS, Choate, etc (or even their AO’s) when you dump 'em. They are doing just fine, thank you very much.</p>
<p>I do. My daughter had a very hard time turning down schools, especially one that courted her very hard. I suppose it’s a life lesson, but the schools do work very hard to select from a large pile and some human being on the other end campaigned very hard for their favorite candidates. It didn’t just go into some big computer which spit out a result on the other end.</p>
<p>So polite counts. And those kids who made real “connections” and feel remorse - often show why the school chose them over another kid in the end.</p>
<p>Remember, your “connections” don’t stop when you say no. The schools are closely related. I once turned down a college, then - while waiting at an airport for a cab - had a conversation with someone who offered to share. Turns out he was an Adcom who had recruited me (we’d never met except by correspondance) and remembered and was disappointed that I had turned down the school - until he found out I accepted MIT and then laughed and said “Well, that’s different.”</p>
<p>The world is too small not to feel empathy. And you might run into that person again somewhere. (My boss from Harvard is now at Yale, for instance).</p>
<p>True that, never burn your britches. :)</p>
<p>Sure. Be nice. Be sweet. And stay in touch with as many folks at other schools as you wish. (There is an Admin Officer at DA that my son and I still contact often for various reasons.) But, hey, there should be no crying when you accept your school of first choice and turn down another school’s offer, unless you are crying tears of joy. As 2010 hopeful noted, these schools sure aren’t crying when they reject you or your dear friends.</p>
<p>Well, there were tears because 1) I was so stressed over my decision making, which would impact the next 4 years of my life, and 2) I was so relieved and happy when I did choose Peddie.
And GASP LOLZbabe! You turned down Peddie?! ;(</p>
<p>i did, regretfully so. but im super excited for lville and i know that i made the right choice for me :)</p>
<p>Yes, tears for you because there is always the fear that you chose the wrong school. Maybe you did. You’ll never know. Like I said, there could always be “buyer’s remorse”. But to shed tears for a school you rejected or for a school or its AO’s to cry over you because you rejected them, sorry; I just don’t see it or get it.</p>
<p>I think it is very natural for these kids to feel awkward and sad about saying, no, to a school. I think kids feel bad because it feels so good for a school to “want” you and it is hard to say “no” after going through so much to get in.</p>
<p>My d did not accept offers from schools that offered her great packages to attend, so she felt like she was rejecting schools that went out of their way to make her a part of their community. And, yes, the Admissions Officers go through this all cyclically and it is all just a part of their jobs; however, most kids have never experienced this before. It is a very grown up experience in some ways, and for my d, this was something she had to think long and hard about. She took it seriously form start to finish, and it was not an easy decision to make. And, I think she felt bad, especially concerning Lville, because she loved it there, too. Peddie just fit her needs in a way that no other school could.</p>
<p>I just think it is a lot of pressure and it is very natural to feel what 5School talks about in the original post. A year later, my d loves her BS life. She regrets nothing and appreciates every moment.</p>
<p>Good reasons to feel awkward, stressed and sorry, but try not to be. The schools have a yield prediction and a waitlist. They didn’t expect all admitted to accept their offer, which would result in overenrollment, and that is bad for next year’s applicants. So, you should feel good for many reasons. 
Good luck!</p>
<p>Guys - don’t worry. Admissions officers, as do most people, want whats best for you - and lets not forget, at most schools 30% of admitted students end up turning elsewhere for their education…they account for that (aka yield) and will not be that “hurt” if you choose elsewhere - but as they say, its true they would have wished you’d come</p>
<p>schools know that kids apply to more than one school and know that kids will turn the school down. there are several reasons for this such as finances or location. do not feel bad.</p>