<p>My child is a sixth grader who has applied to private secondary schools. Our headmaster needs to know our first choice asap, and we are undecided between two schools. My child is an extremely capable student with high grades and extremely high test scores. Also, she is very involved in an EC activity outside of school that takes up about two hours a day. She has no plans to drop this EC in high school. </p>
<p>School A is frequently listed among the top 20 independent schools, and has the demanding workload to go along with it (about 5 hours of work a night in high school). It is also about 50 minutes from our home, which would be quite a commute. School A sends about 25% percent of its graduates to the Ivies, Stanford, MIT. Our child will probably do well there, but virtually no time for a family or social life. </p>
<p>School B is a very good school, though not the same caliber as School A. It is mere minutes from our home. It is quite a bit smaller than School A, and sends about 10% of its graduates to the colleges named above. Our child will need to work hard, but will likely be at the top of her class if she does. </p>
<p>What would you do? Big fish in a small pond (School B), or maybe not as much a big fish in a big pond with a long commute but a better overall reputation?</p>
<p>A school that sends 10% of graduates to super-selective schools should have all of the curricular quality and opportunities that most students need.</p>
<p>90+ minutes extra commuting time per school day is a fairly major constraint, and probably not anywhere close to worth it in the case where there is a nearby school of presumably high quality.</p>
<p>^^ I agree. School B sounds like an elite school if it sends about 10% of its graduates to top 10 U’s/LACs, the long commute to school A sounds like a nightmare and would likely exhaust your child, and at school B your child would be sure to continue with that EC activity that may ultimately make the difference for her both emotionally (balance, pleasure, growth) and at college application time.</p>
<p>Also, if school B is conveniently close, the student will likely be able to get to school and back home independently at a much earlier age than at school A*, which can make scheduling of both school and school-based ECs much more convenient in that a parent need not have to be a chauffeur or helicopter service for the student.</p>
<p>*If school A is a 50 minute ride on frequent and reliable public transportation, then the student could get there independently more easily than if driving were the only practical means of getting there. But many parents would not let their 7th graders take such a long journey independently, plus it would still be a time hog and constraint, even if the student could do some reading or homework on the journey.</p>
<p>Thank you for the replies, ucbalumus and MYOS1634.
Pretty sure it’s going to be School B. Our headmaster at her current school is not very supportive of this decision, though. X amount of kids accepted to School A sounds better to prospective families…</p>
<p>When my kids were in elementary school and up to 6th grade they had time for everything. Sports, music, studying whatever. However, after a while things got really out of control. School got harder, EC’s got more demanding and teenager issues cheeped in. My advice is do not underestimate right now how important time will become later on. Even 1 extra hour will be great to have. You do not want your kid completely spent by the end of the day. It is not only the academics. Teenagers need sometime to short their feelings, take care of their growing bodies etc etc.
Besides a very capable, high scoring kid with interests outside of school will make it to a good college no matter what the school. My kids go to a mediocre public school and even there ALL the capable high scoring kids make it to top schools. The only reason I would ever see for the extra traveling time is if the child had a unique situation only addressed to a specific school. </p>
<p>Don’t sacrifice your child over the principal’s wish for aggregate bragging rights. She’s just a number to him? Oh well. The principal will survive. It is my understanding that School B isn’t as good as School A but is not bad either so he can include her in the bragging rights over School B admissions.</p>
[quote]
…about 5 hours of work a night in high school). It is also about 50 minutes from our home…**
5 hours of HW a night on top of 2 hours commuting is going to wear the family out. And when would kid find time to do sports/ECs?</p>
<p>Have you considered boarding instead of day?</p>
<p>My daily commute to high school is ~1.5 hours (I get picked up at ~6:30-6:45 and while I’m supposed to get to school at 8, we’re usually 15 or so minutes late). I sit on the bus for FAR too many hours of my day, which is one of the reasons why my younger sister picked a different high school. I love my school and I think I’d pick it again (it was a far better choice for me than any other school on the radar) but if you have a good alternative (and school B sounds like one) then I would wholeheartedly and emphatically urge you to choose it. Life is too precious to spend it on a bus. </p>
<p>There is actually little evidence here that School A is any better than School B - the proportion of kids who go to Ivies is more a function of the students who attend (and their families) rather than anything the school does for the kids - although there is something to be said about a school who gets no kids in vs. a school who gets a certain number in every year.</p>
<p>The fact that 10% of the class at School B gets into the same elite schools as School A means that they both provide the necessary coursework, ECs, and counseling necessary to make it, if you start out with the raw material. There is not much a school can actually do if you don’t come with the right set of tools. It’s just that School A manages to recruit more kids with the right set of tools. What they want you to believe is that ANY child who enrolls has a 25% chance of making an Ivy, and that’s just not true.</p>
<p>You say of School A: "Our child will probably do well there, but virtually no time for a family or social life. " To me that answers your question. Don’t you WANT family time and a social life for your child? Those should not be sacrificed for a slightly enhanced chance at Ivies. Before you know it, your child will be heading off to college and no longer living with you. My D goes to a high school that is 10 minutes away. Already I feel like I don’t see much of her (especially once she got a driver’s license and car). The time we do get to spend with her, hearing about her joys, disappointments, triumphs and setbacks, seems very precious especially now that her senior year is right around the corner.</p>
<p>Thank you for the responses. Hannahbanana69 - I’m sorry you have to spend so much time on the bus. Do you get much studying done? School A gets a higher percentage of kids into the upper Ivies than School B. So the 25 to 10 % comparison is not exactly equal. But we are okay with that. We are heavily leaning toward School B. One thing we will have to deal with if she ends up at School B is the reaction from parents at our school. The few we have mentioned our thoughts to are aghast that we would consider choosing a good local school over one that shows up on lists of the top 20 prep schools in the U.S. </p>
<p>At School A, over fifty kids (out of about 270) in the class of 2014 are National Merit Semi-Finalists. In our state you need score in the 99nth percentile to make the cut-off. The competition for grades in honors and AP classes has been characterized as “fierce.” Some very bright kids in their junior year that I know are almost giving up on getting the kind of grades they want. So being totally honest, part of the appeal of School B is to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond to keep my child’s confidence and belief in herself high. Hard work should be rewarded. Thoughts?</p>
<p>Another thought we are having is that you only get to be sixteen once. Kids at school A say they rarely go out on the weekends. Shouldn’t there be some fun? Is it possible to be a high achiever anymore and have a life? Maybe I’m being naive. </p>
<p>Going to either school is not a guarantee she will get into a tippy top. But she will grow up and need personal strengths, resilience and interpersonal skills and more. B puts pressure on her but lets her have friends visit, have time to socialize after school and live her life. Neither school will deny her a shot at Ivies.</p>
<p>Hard work being rewarded is more than NMF or an Ivy. Think about it- you want her into Harvard or you want her happy, stable, have friendships, self esteem, grounding- all while fulfilling her potential? I understand your concern. But 10% is a huge number.</p>
<p>Adding: yes it is possible to be a high achiever and have a life. That’s different than putting your kid in a pressure cooker based on hopes she can -maybe- get into Harvard. If she has the goods, she will achieve at B. </p>
<p>And, what you will eventually hear on CC, be prepared: at her age, these are not her dreams.</p>
<p>That said, we put our girls in a very good prep near home. They loved being the friends others could visit, being able to stay late for certain ECs- or even get back to school for an evening opportunity or performance. In many ways, these extras empowered them. They could breathe.</p>
<p>Why does it matter what other parents think? They may have different reasons (e.g. they may live closer to school A, so the commute time is less of an issue for them), but their situations are not the same as your situation.</p>
<p>Here is how the daily time budget for school A comes out to be:</p>
<p>7 hours of school
1.67 hours of commuting
5 hours of homework (if it cannot be done while commuting)
= 13.67 hours</p>
<p>That leaves 2.33 waking hours for all other weekday activities, including home life and extracurricular activities, if she sleeps 8 hours per night.</p>
<p>Which one does your child like better? I planned to enroll my son in a less competitive school, but when he went to visit, he didn’t like the campus and student body. So we chose the School A-type campus. It’s 20-25 minutes away in no traffic, but we allow 45 in the mornings. He studies on the way to school and we talk (and he eats) on the way home (there’s usually less traffic so not enough time to get work done). </p>
<p>Other parents will not have to bear the consequences of choosing School A. Your daughter will.
Your reasoning is sound. Do what’s good for your daughter. Don’t sacrifice her to “others” who won’t have to pay the consequences of what <em>they</em> think is best for her. You’re her parent.</p>
<p>You can just say “The commute is not worth it and School B is sufficiently challenging.”’</p>
<p>As for “lesser Ivies”… O_o Seriously. There’s a world outside of the Ivy League. If that’s the kind of thinking at School A, then you do your daughter a huge additional favor by choosing School B: allowing her to find herself and figure out what colleges will be the best “fit” rather than choosing what will impress her friends’ parents…</p>