I did not require my children to do regular chores since they were three-season athletes and the high school homework load for honors and AP classes is very, very heavy. As it was, their academic and athletic schedule did not allow them enough sleep. I did, however, ask them to chip in with small tasks regularly, like setting the table, and more when it seemed they had time to do so, such as over breaks. They still turned out to be highly competent, independent young adults who had no trouble learning to cook, do laundry or clean the bathrooms for themselves once they needed to.
In my opinion, the institution of daily chores belongs to a different era when we had an agrarian society. Animals, crops, and the large family that was the norm all needed constant attention, so kids had to do their share of the work. Our world is now industrialized and specialized, which the OP should appreciate since she has a housekeeper who does for her some of the chores that all but the wealthiest women of the past would have needed to do themselves. Therefore, I am not sure why the teenagers should have to adhere to an outdated standard. Household chores are not so hard that one needs to accumulate years of experience in order to do them well as a young adult.
@MiamiDAP That sounds exactly like us until very recently! When you’ve got multiple kids with different sports each having 20+ hours of practice time a week, not including meets (many of which included airline flights and hotel stays) you don’t sweat whose turn it is to fold the laundry. Everyone does what he can.
my senior does very few chores; basically only when she’s asked. I wish it was inherent in her to just help more! however, she too is overloaded with schoolwork & ECs, so we arent pressuring her. Weekends, holidays and summers we expect her to do more of her share. between graduation and college, there will be no excuses though!
What an interesting discussion! In answer to the questions above, the coursework that she is selected is not too difficult in terms of material presented - she is an effective academic. She realizes that her work is best and her anxiety is lowest when she is working ahead of deadline, and is thrilled that 3 teachers gave them calendars so they can predict what happens next. The issue is literally the amount of time required. For example, the English teacher’s calendar reflects assignments that will conservatively take an hour or two a night, AND they have a worksheet due every Friday reflecting a half hour of reading per night with analysis of a nonfiction book off the Dept of Ed list. The worksheet will take at least 45 minutes to complete, and is weekly. No matter how organized and efficient you are, that still adds up to 2 hours a night for that class alone. She does have a study period during the day which she uses wisely. If I work 40 - 50 hours a week, I calculate that including a sport (which is basically nearly required for frosh and soph) she is working about 68. I am guessing that this is pretty consistent with what the rest on this board do. She loves love loves her classes, but I am questioning the sanity of this.
D. had to do ahead a lot. She had to plan the whole next week. She also learned to write papers in her head at sport practice and she did most work at school. Couple classes were very difficult for her, she spent lots of time on them at home. She never had 2 hours / night to do her homework, it had to be done on a weekends even during meet weekend in hotel. Her sport was one of her ECs, the others were also time consuming.
The good thing though is that these busy kids learn time management very early in life and this skill is crucial at college. They are ahead of others in this area, expect them to load their schedule at college again…even with something that was never planned / discussed…
I definitely agree with and echo with what both @katliamom and @TheGFG wrote (#19 and #20).
In our family, there is an ebb and flow as to who does what. Our schedules vary so whoever has more time on their hands, picks up the slack. It seems to have worked in our family, because no one has ever complained in our house that someone is not pulling their weight.
Back in the day when dinosaurs roamed and I was in college, a college prof handed out a syllabus on day one with time of weekly lectures, expected readings, dates of midterms, finals, and you were on your own. Fortunately I had come from a Catholic college prep high school where your D’s current evenings sound eerily similar to my hs experiences. And although AP courses didn’t exist at least at my school, the priests took their teaching/educational responsibilities very seriously and blessed up with tons of homework every night and on weekends. My point is that when there is so much more free time in college, more possibility to have friends/roommates tug at you socially especially during the week, stress of living on your own, etc, having ingrained study habits will hopefully serve your D well, especially when college can be hundreds and hundreds of dollars per unit. So there is some sanity in the madness.
I agree with @mom2collegekids. We are all busy, parents and kids alike.
When my youngest was a senior last year, she also had 5 AP classes, was on the speech team which required her to be gone all day Saturday from 6 AM to 6 PM, had college apps to fill out, homework, other school activities etc., however, she still had her chores to do. It’s a great lesson in managing time which is serving her well as she starts her college career at Cornell.
My kids’ school gave out syllabus in the beginning of semester, just like in college, so kids could manage their schedule. They didn’t give any allowance for EC activities, students were expected to manage their competing demands. I remember Sunday was the day when my kids did a lot of their work for the week.
Our daughter will empty the dishwasher and keeps her bathroom and room relatively clean. Between varsity orchestra last year and a full pre-AP/AP load with hours of homework each night and on the weekend, I just didn’t have the heart to go all hard core on the chores. I had time for chores growing up even when playing varsity volleyball…but I think I only took one honors class and we didn’t even have AP. It is a different world for sure.
The good news is if the kids aren’t home much, the house isn’t as dirty, the sink isn’t full of dishes, and there isn’t a bunch of stuff all over the house. Yes, the grass still grows and the pets still need to be fed, but for the most part there just isn’t a gourmet dinner that needs to be cleaned up or a lot of trash since there has been no one home to make the trash. When my kids were the busiest, the house was the cleanest. It might take me 3 minutes to empty the dishwasher (one’s job) or put out the trash (other’s job), so I just did. If they were home when I came with groceries, they’d take a break and help me put them away. There was little vacuuming unless someone was coming over to study.
I agree that when your day outside of home is basically from 6am until 10 pm, you do not see what needs to be done there. And it may be done in your absence anyway, we like to come to clean house after cleaning lady has been there. But it does not get dirty anyway. I miss those 6am - 10pm days! Enjoy them kids while they are with you, chores or no chores is very secondary!!
My husband and I both work from our house, so we’re home all day, and we do have to stay on top of things like dishes and clutter. With everyone’s busy schedules, my kids don’t have set chores, but people pitch in where they can and it works out. If someone’s coming over to study, for example, we use it as an excuse to have one of my kids clean the main bathroom. When I’m on a work call, I tend to pace, so I’ll also put things away or polish countertops or move laundry along.
A surprisingly big help now is that my kids have their drivers’ licenses. My life has really changed now that I don’t need to pick up at swim practice at 10pm 30 minutes away! I’m also not above asking them to pick up groceries on the way home from something, and I consider that helping too, if not precisely a “chore.” They’ll also spontaneously watch their 6-year-old brother and cook dinner. They’re good kids.
“Household chores are not so hard that one needs to accumulate years of experience in order to do them well as a young adult.”
I completely agree. Nothing that can’t be learned in the moment as needed. I doubt I ever showed my kids how to clean a toilet but you know, they’re now in their own apartments and I’m sure they can figure it out somehow. Not rocket science.
“Wouldn’t chores at home be an EC? Some students in less advantaged situations may have to take care of some home chores to care for younger siblings or adults with disabilities, or just general help around the house.”
I really wish you weren’t so literal at times. Yes, in those cases it would serve as an EC, but we aren’t talking about that sort of situation. No one is going to put general “emptied the dishwasher, made my bed, took out the trash” as ECs. A situation of running a household in the absence or inability of an adult is completely different.
No set chores at our house when daughter was in high school, rather she had “duties as assigned” and that worked well in our house. Quite frankly, my husband and I both work full time and she always put in longer days than we did. Further, she was always wanting to take up another musical instrument (plays piano and several woodwinds) and we insisted on daily practice if we were going to buy instruments, pay for and drive to lessons, etc. She practiced 3 to 4 hours daily, seven day a week on top of school work. It was hard to ask for more.
My kids (22 and 15) had/have very little assigned chores during the school year. Both took/take rigorous courseloads, are involved in sports at school and club teams. Both do/did their own laundry during the summer and are responsible for keeping their room clean all year long but that is really it. 15yo D gets home after 6pm during the week, has 2-3 hours of HW and 2-3 nights a week has club sport. HW often needs to be done during her commuting time in the car. Oh, and she does get an allowance. I prefer her to have cash on hand to cover expected expenses rather nickel and dime me everytime she needs money.
I should require more. S takes out the trash, mows the lawn and helps me get my younger son at times. He is in AP everything but is the king of league of legends whatever that is…
