Civility

<p>As a long-time homeschooling parent, I've come to depend on discussion boards like these as a way to communicate with parents who share my interests in stuff that no one around me understands at all (like why I would send my kid to boarding school! :) ) I'm becoming increasingly depressed, though, by the personal attacks and lack of civility interspersed with the good stuff on these boards. </p>

<p>A homeschooling board I've frequented for years (welltrainedmind.com) has rules that (enforced by vigilant moderators) that have led to some of the best, most respectful discussions I've ever read between people who could not be more different. Below are a few that I think might work well here (ignore the "will be deleted" stuff, since I doubt the moderators here are going to take on that job!). Of course, it works better when moderators delete uncivil threads (!), but given the intelligence level of the adults on this board and our mutual desire to set a good example for our kids, might we voluntarily adopt at least some of these?</p>

<p>Be humble
Post your opinions and your experiences, but remember that other families may have different experiences than yours and may reason their way with impeccable logic to different conclusions. Posts which "lay down the law" may be deleted. </p>

<p>Be civil
Don't attack another poster's background, religious convictions, experience, or parenting style. Above all, resist the one-liner subject-header put-down. Nasty cracks will be deleted. </p>

<p>Think Before You Post
The posts on this forum are available for all the world to see. If you don't want all the world to see what you have to say, don't post it. We are not likely to remove a thread/post because you later regret writing it. If you are all fired up about something, take a walk or have a cup of tea before posting something you will regret. </p>

<p>Don't insist on the last word
Some disagreements will result in a draw. Be willing to let a thread end on someone ELSE'S opinion. "Last words" which have no purpose other than to assert that, after all, you're REALLY right, will be deleted. </p>

<p>Do not assume that everyone on the boards shares a particular conviction
These boards are inclusive. You are welcome to ask questions, but don't post as though everyone who frequents the boards shares your ideology. Don't use inquiries as an excuse to proselytize for anything. Answer questions that are posted but don't use these questions as an excuse to springboard into criticism.</p>

<p>If you're joking, say so
Really. Humor doesn't come across in cyberspace. Honest. Smilies help - try them. :-) </p>

<p>Don't announce that you're leaving and never coming back
Posts along the lines of "I'm not appreciated here, so I'm leaving" really aren't necessary. It's not that we don't appreciate you ... we just don't appreciate those posts. </p>

<p>Use Your Inside Voice
Posting a message in all caps is the cyber-equivalent of yelling please don't do it. It's rude. Really. </p>

<p>Don't create more than 1 account.</p>

<p>I second this proposal. </p>

<p>In some cases, I see posters who claim to be parents berating applicants/children. This really concerns me since we have 12-13 year olds on these boards.</p>

<p>We need to be cautious not to label vigorous debates uncivil. To put things in perspective, I don’t notice much uncivility on these boards compared to the huge number of posts (only a negligible fraction). Diversity of thought and debates are the pillars of democracy.</p>

<p>I agree–love diversity of thought and a good debate–but ad hominem attacks are also, sadly, one of the uglier pillars of democracy. (My pronoun agreement is way off there, but I can’t seem to fix it ?!)</p>

<p>At any rate, I’d love it if we could rise above that here and stick to the content with which we agree and disagree, rather than saying hurtful things about the writers (who we do not know at all and who are most certainly all complex, multi-faceted human beings). The kids are better at calling each other on this kind of stuff than we are, I think–maybe being brought up in a cyberworld has its advantatges :)</p>