<p>Hi, I am currently taking a seminar consisting of 20 students... but I am the shy/passive type. How do I go from being a passive listener to active participant?
When I'm about to raise my hand, my heart starts pounding, so I hesitating and end up not doing it because someone else is then called upon. I don't know how many of you feel this way, but any help would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>Wow, I have never heard of fear of public speaking being that debilitating. Are you afraid you answer will be wrong or that you opinion will sound dumb? Get over it. I'm serious, because everyone has wrong answers and less than Einstein-level insight at times. I'm not sure this will help, but when you get called on, just speak that second, before you can even grasp the fact that everyone will hear and process what you say. If that doesn't work, try a public speaking class.</p>
<p>Hmmn... filtering people out. I like that idea.</p>
<p>Breathe deeply (diaphragmatically, not visibly) a few times as the discussion begins. Look for an opportunity to make a very simple comment. Force yourself to make a few simple and brief comments, even if it is to concur with someone else's comment. You will gradually desensitize yourself to public expression. Then begin to extend the length of your comments. As time goes on, you may want to make the first comment even before the professor starts the discussion. Your comment might be a statement of how interesting the content of the day's assignment is. You must keep trying. Social anxiety can be debilitating. You have to face it head on or it will diminish the quality of your relationship with other people.</p>
<p>i had this problem when i started taking ap classes this year, and i am pretty good at public speaking. I got a little "deer in headlights-y" so to speak, because i had never been in an AP class before and many of my classmates had taken one sophomore year, and i felt like my opinions would sound stupid. However in my school, its pretty much all the same people that take all ap/honors classes (i am one of those people, and am friends with and in the same classes with these same people), so i know i am on the same level as them intellectually. once i realized that i have been discussing on this high level my entire HS career, i got past the AP label of the class and contribute as much as i can. you deserve to be where you are, your hard work has shown that, and your opinions are just as good as those around you, maybe even better. it's never going to hurt to share your opinion.</p>
<p>I suffered through this my entire freshman year, now I am an actively participating sophomore.</p>
<p>I suppose I started by tacking on to what other people said. If you know another example of something that is being discussed, bring it up. Expand upon others thoughts, pretty soon you'll find yourself making the opening thought in a discussion.</p>
<p>just remember: it's okay to sound stupid. lol. :) sometimes even gratifying, because the classroom is so focused on the academic aspect, a seemingly idiotic comment might even evoke some chuckles which will make you more comfortable speaking in class. as long as you don't purposefully try to act dumb to be 'funny', just say anything you can to contribute positively to the conversation (because that's all small discussion classes are. a conversation!)</p>
<p>Just know it's like 1/3 of your grade :) (UCLA )</p>
<p>well not necessarily... but sometimes it is. which i hate because really, there are times when i learn more by LISTENING to what other people have to say, and reflecting on their ideas and my own thoughts, than by being stressed figuring out what to say out loud.
...but i can totally relate to the OP. actually i went from someone who talked all the time to someone who never does. now i'm trying to transition back. i'm just naturally shy... and it doesn't help that for my first cluster discussion this quarter, i hadn't read the book, and didn't want to say anything because there was a very good chance my ideas WERE wrong! xD
however, i find i get into trouble when i try to plan out what i want to say. then i'm sitting there, nervously anticipating an opening, wondering when to open my mouth, and my heart starts racing, and then i just give up. so just... go for it! make up your mind to say ONE thing at your next discussion. just one.
and hopefully the ball will roll from there.
if you'll do it, i'll do it too! :)</p>
<p>"however, i find i get into trouble when i try to plan out what i want to say. then i'm sitting there, nervously anticipating an opening, wondering when to open my mouth, and my heart starts racing, and then i just give up. "</p>
<p>EXACTLY! + I feel there's something in my throat or my lips are too dry.
So you're saying just let everything play out, and react when the time comes, but don't plan or anticipate for it?</p>
<p>I'm making this my priority for my next discussion on Monday!</p>
<p>A few suggestions. First, go to office hours and talk to the prof running the seminar for advice on ways you can better contribute. You're not the 1st student she/he has seen who was quiet in the group, and you can hear what has worked for others.</p>
<p>You could also go to the counseling center and see how they can help you (<a href="http://www.sps.ucla.edu/%5B/url%5D">http://www.sps.ucla.edu/</a>) Note one of the things specifically listed under Academics is performance anxiety.</p>
<p>Lastly, you could try to relabel what you are feeling. Heart racing, lips dry, etc. when you're ready to say somthing are just signs of arousal. With your perception of yourself as shy/passive you are labeling these feelings as fear and nervousness. You have a choice, though. You could just as easily view them as signs of interest and excitement in the discussion. It's your chance to jump in, you're eager to say something! It might surprise you, but many accomplished speakers feel the same tinglings and actually look forward to them; they see them as enthusiasm and a readiness to give their talk.</p>
<p>^ i appreciate where you're coming from, mikemac, in your last paragraph, but...
try getting an anxiety attack and relabeling it as excitement x.x (i'm not saying that's what truebruin and i go through, but i was trying to illustrate how difficult it is to do that)</p>
<p>perhaps the best way is to just take the plunge. i'm not saying, open your mouth with NOTHING planned out. but i've got to stop sitting there revising a mini-speech through several drafts, while meanwhile the conversation shifts to a new topic.
think of a basic point, open your mouth at the next available opening, and just get out three words. "well, i think..."
even IF someone else starts talking right then (which does happen), the rest of the people will know you have something to say. in my class, people will let someone who talks less frequently speak up. just get out those words, people will start listening, and then you're free to make your point. as short as it is.
just gotta get your foot in the door, and then it should become easier over time to jump in.
also, a tip my RA gave me was that, if you feel you're going to be unprepared (don't have enough time to finish the reading or whatnot), read part of the assignment IN DETAIL, and then formulate a point or question about it. when the time comes, you'll know in advance what you wanted to say, and you won't have to sit there planning it out during class. maybe that will help too.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Hi, I am currently taking a seminar consisting of 20 students... but I am the shy/passive type. How do I go from being a passive listener to active participant?
When I'm about to raise my hand, my heart starts pounding, so I hesitating and end up not doing it because someone else is then called upon. I don't know how many of you feel this way, but any help would be greatly appreciated.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You know, I do not think it would be out of line to speak with the professor. If you have a fair mark in the class, then you have leverage. Use the professor's office hours and just gently explain to the professor that you are on the verge of dealing with being a rather reserved person and then ask for any advice when it comes to class participation. Please also take a moment to explain that you are committed to completing the course to the best of your own personal academic abilities and are not looking to be exempt from anything.</p>
<p>I had to do that for a class I took. It was an upper division lit. class taught by a scholar of John Milton. This scholar of John Milton is kinda famous in, like, John Milton circles (^_^) She was really keen on class participation, because there were but 12 folks in the class. After the first week of my doing the homework and almost having a heart attack when the class was in session, I went to speak with this professor. I plainly and simply said that I am committed to the course, but that I am as shy and stuff as all get out. She helped me out by basically taking my word on things and she said to just take my time with things when it comes to participation. So, that is what I did. I did not really ever speak a lot, but I did start warming up to the idea by mid terms time. My grade did not suffer or anything. </p>
<p>Now, you are different. You are right at that point where you know that you should maybe try being a bit less reserved, and I know that is easier said than done. So, TrueBruin, you totally rock. I have a feeling that since you are aware of things really well, that everything will work out alright. You just stay true to yourself and carry on with trying to learn and grow. Dude, you are soo much cooler than myself in that regard and I wish you all the best.</p>
<p>
[quote]
liyana179 writes: try getting an anxiety attack and relabeling it as excitement x.x (i'm not saying that's what truebruin and i go through, but i was trying to illustrate how difficult it is to do that)
[/quote]
Sure, that's a different story. What I'm writing about is at the level of butterflies, and about letting that stop you or different ways to interpret it. Since the OP was talking about going ahead and speaking up next week in class, I was assuming the discomfort isn't too intense.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if what someone is feeling is much stronger and intense then its worth getting help rather than hoping its going to go away on its own. And UCLA has one of the leading centers in treating anxiety; see <a href="http://www.semel.ucla.edu/adc/index.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.semel.ucla.edu/adc/index.html</a></p>
<p>I'm in the honors program at my university; the entire <em>program</em> is seminar discussions. Those who are in the program are chosen specifically for their ability to convey ideas and participate in roundtable discussion. </p>
<p>Rest assured, not all of us are natural-born speakers. I had the very same problem when I applied (it was a roundtable discussion format), and when I began the class. I would raise my hand, and hope that I remembered everything I was going to say before the professors (it was team teaching) got to me. My hands would shake a little and I get the heart-pounding, too. [I still do sometimes!] I should tell you that a lot of times, I completely forgot what I was going to say or what I was saying- but it was okay!</p>
<p>Firstly, breathe! You're not making a speech, you're just voicing an idea. When you bounce around an idea with a friend in normal conversation, you don't feel like you're going to pass out, right? The class setting is similar to that. It's better to vaugely listen to what other people are saying before you're called upon - sometimes it takes your mind off of your anxiety and you may get an other (sometimes better!) idea to spew on. When you're called on, if you're nervous and that embarassment starts to rise up - take a deep breath. Close your eyes and visualize what you want to say. It's important to you, or else you wouldn't have taken the intiative to voice it. You are just as valuable a member of the discussion as anyone else in the seminar. </p>
<p>When I start speaking, usually I don't remember what I've just said - it sort of tumbles out. That's fine, as long as people are understanding what you have to say. You don't have to worry about whether they're listening or whether they actually hear you, because usually my mind is focused on getting the rest of the idea out. If you blank, it's okay! If it's a really long blank, and the words just won't come back within 5 seconds or so, I usually say something like "...wow...I just blanked on the point of my idea - come back to me in a second, would you?" or something to that effect. The professors understand, and other students understand, too - it happens to all of us, even the most outgoing. </p>
<p>Good luck! =D</p>
<p>No advice, just wanted to point out that I have the same problem and I have a lovely string of C's to show for it. I can only remember once where I actually raised my hand in a class...I certainly never spoke up in any of my seminar-type classes. Sometimes I would debate for an hour or two whether to say something, but I could never make myself raise my hand or speak and by the time I got about 50% there, someone else would make my brilliant comment, and no one would think it was particularly brilliant, and I would go back to thinking that I was better off not saying anything to begin with. </p>
<p>I never bothered to speak to the professor about it, because unfortunately I've found most people fall into one of either 2 categories on the subject. There is the "wow, that's strange, I've never heard of someone being that bothered by it...you need to just get over it!" category, and then there is the "I was shy too and I got over it, and so can you!" category. Don't let people get you thinking you're a failure and an idiot because you can't "just get over it". If you have some sort of actual problem, they don't understand and they're not going to be inclined to care.</p>
<p>I'm in a discussion-based lit class, and I don't think I've said a word during the discussions the entire semester. I'm not nervous, I just don't feel like saying anything. When I do have something interesting to say, I often either don't say it or save it to use in an essay so that it will seem original to the teacher. I'm getting an A in the class, so it's not hurting me at all. Maybe I'm selfish, I don't know. I feel pretty weird just sitting silently for 1:50 every class period though. Strangely, I still don't really have a desire to speak.</p>
<p>Zuma said some good things-- Answer a question, say something small, just to prove to yourself that you can do it. Talking to your prof might also be useful. In one of my classes this year, I started out being way too intimidated by some of the kids in my class to say anything, but I've found that when I DO speak up, I actually learn better- I guess I 'own' the material more.</p>
<p>Hey, THANK YOU all for your voice of encouragement! Truly appreciate it.</p>
<p>The seminar that I am in is all upperclassmen, and even some graduate students. Furthermore, I don't know anyone in the class, and most people in the class know each other, which makes the situation more tougher.<br>
In my language class (the 3rd quarter of it), there are also upperclassmen in it; however, I am now comfortatble in participating and even raising my hand atleast once during discussion. I think that for the seminar, the combination of not only possessing shyness and anxiety, but to top it off with the fact that it is part of a professional school makes it intimidating. On the other hand, for my language class, I am now very familiar with my TAs ( have the same ones for 3 consecutive quarters). So in a sense, familiarization,confidence, and determination help me overcome my shyness.
As far as my mindset for the seminar, I am saying to myself that I do belong in the class. From my experience now, I really do think that confidence and a positive mindset makes a tremendous amount of difference. And you guys are right, it can only start by taking the first step, and continue to build on it.
Thanks Liyana, mikemac, Mildred, and the rest of you!
I'll let you all know on Monday. I am very determine to be a contributor and once and for all conquer my shyness, anxiety, & hesitations... or atleast eliminate as much as possible.</p>