<p>PG - There are indeed schools where a small minority of girls is not placed because nobody invited them back, and others (only a few) that will guarantee a bid to each girl who does not take the initiative to drop out of the process. I think we understand the difference, and so do our daughters.</p>
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<p>pizzagirl: I start to understand why you want to distance your chapter from other chapters of your sorority, (and I believe there are mechanisms for expelling sorority members who don’t live up to the ideals of the organization) but are you allowed to make up your own rules about who in the sorority is and isn’t your “sister for life”? Are you only going to acknowledge the brightest? If so, doesn’t that create a system even more exclusive than it already is? Using those rules, active chapters could deny transfers and alum groups could pick and choose which women to associate with. (Yes, I know, this probably does already happen) And if your initiation was anything like mine, you did agree to be “sisters for life” with all the women in the sorority, each and every single one. Maybe you crossed your fingers when you promised? 
Maybe you don’t take any of this seriously? </p>
<p>One way around this is to not join a national sorority at all, but instead form a unique club on campus composed of like minded women you want to have as “sisters for life.”</p>
<p>Sincere apologies for being so off-topic… I don’t have anything else to add to the discussion, but wish all of your daughters best of luck! If they choose to join a sorority I wish them the very best bonds of sisterhood, and mean that in all seriousness.</p>
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<p>So true. That is why I advised that the girls and moms you talk to not be drama queens. One girl’s “slight disappointment with a happy ending” may be another’s “I’m leaving this school.” One mom might receive a single teary call from her D and take it in stride while another mom will forever tell whoever will listen what a horrible rush process X school has. I think we all know who the down to earth moms and daughters are…that is where we can get a realistic portrait of the process. (But when the most down to earth mom and her down to earth daughter - who got her first choice - call the process brutal, I trust that it truly is brutal.)</p>
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<p>I took it very seriously when I was there in that stage of my life, was an officer and in other leadership positions, have kept in contact with lots of my friends there over the years and consider them my closest friends, and it’s always a neat “huh! how about that!” when I discover someone else was an XYZ (including daughters of posters I’ve met through CC) - but please, I’m not obligated to be BFF’s with every single woman who ever pledged a chapter of XYZ anywhere in the country, any more than I am obligated to be BFF’s with every single person who ever graduated from the same college I did. As I said, if I were to move to a new city, an alumnae club would be a great way to get to know some people, but my loyalty is really more to the specific girls / chapter I was with, not just any random XYZ. It’s a little ludicrous to consider other women “sisters for life” if I don’t even know them. It would be a conversation-starter at that point. I mean, talk about that over-the-top, take-it-so-seriously mentality!</p>
<p>I am not a fan of having kids go thru recruitment before they even start classes as a freshman. How can they know if Greek life is something they really want to do? And the pledging process often takes up so much time it limits the kids from trying out a lot of different clubs or activities so the sorority/frat could end up being their entire social life. I just don’t think it makes any sense, and I would have strongly discouraged my kids from doing it. Even girls who successfully pledge a sorority they love will probably have been cut by a few other sororities. Feeling like there’s a group on campus that does not want you is a horrid way to start college.</p>
<p>That said, both of my kids went Greek and loved it - but one pledged sophomore year, and the other 2nd semester freshman year. They had time to try out different activities and meet people - and to watch the Greek system and individual houses to see how they worked and if it was something they were interested in. </p>
<p>Pizzagirl, my D has two friends who are perfect examples of your post #40. One had her heart set on ABC, and had basically been “promised” a bid by a sister who should have known better. But apparently the girl had hooked up with a guy who turned out to be the boyfriend of an ABC sister, so they cut her. She was devastated, dropped out of recruitment, and seriously considered transferring. In the end she did not transfer, and now realizes that if she had stuck with the process its likely she would have ended up in D’s sorority (DEF), who did not cut her, and where she would have been really happy. She is considering going thru recruitment again next year with a clearer head.</p>
<p>OTOH, D’s roommate had her heart set on DEF, which cut her. She was hurt but stayed with the process, and ended up pledging GHI and LOVING it. She had not known any GHI sisters before recruitment, but in the end the house seems to be a perfect fit for her and she’s made a ton of new friends.</p>
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<p>Oh, please! I’m not at all worried about the national reputation / strength of my house. But every single sorority has chapters that aren’t up to snuff, who either fade away or have to leave campuses. Let’s not play coy here or try to insinuate that I’m “ashamed.”</p>
<p>everyone have to grow up. been almost thirty years.
here is some old quote I knew. it must to be for something else, but attitude is the same.</p>
<p>-Honestly, I don’t remember any value of being in XYZ aside from the one-liner on my resume, which of course didn’t matter beyond my first job anyway.
My sum total of involvement was getting a notice that I was in, hitting my parents up for the fee, going to some kind of initiation brunch or dinner which was so unmemorable that I don’t recall if it was brunch or dinner, getting a pin, and that was that. My parents would have come up to see me (they were 6 hours away) if it had been important, but I don’t recall it being important enough to ask them. The chapter, such as it were, was never any kind of cohesive organization. No mission, purpose, activities, nada. I could name exactly one person in my XYZ “class,” because he was a friend of mine (and is now a well known author). And honestly it must have been based solely on grades and not on leadership, because while I had various activities, I certainly wasn’t any kind of campus leader.
Now, of course, this is the dark ages of the mid eighties I’m talking about here. Were any of your experiences different?</p>
<p>I felt that my experience on both sides of rush gave me a huge advantage when I started interviewing for law firm jobs during the first year of law school. Twenty minute interviews, lots of small talk, learning to listen and look for common ground…great practice for real life.</p>
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<p>I wonder if, in this terrible job market, they even still have those law student/law firm cocktail receptions. When I was going though it, lots of people called it rush.</p>
<p>Bears and dogs, you dug up some old quote of mine in which I was talking about PHI BETA KAPPA, which is quite a different matter from a discussion about a social sorority.</p>
<p>PHI BETTA KAPPA is a great honor that few will refuse. I did not think for a sec. when D. asks me if it is OK to pay for it. However, others might be having different opinion. It was not much for her future at all, she was accepted to where she has planned. It is just an Honor to have it attached to your name…or so we felt.</p>
<p>On the original question about sorority, it is great if you are planning to participate. Huge learning experience and great support system. D. has developed further her communication skills speaking in front of huge crowds and went to national, experiences that will stay forever with her, made her who she is. however, she has mentioned that there were others who just paid the fees…which is kind of not very smart to do, just waste of parents money. Rushing might be different from place to place and from sorority to another, some are more selective and others are looking for certain girls.</p>
<p>Is there a full moon out tonight? This thread is quite… fascinating.</p>
<p>“I wonder if, in this terrible job market, they even still have those law student/law firm cocktail receptions.”</p>
<p>Yes, but with fewer firms and fewer law schools.</p>
<p>We stopped having ours maybe 5 years ago. This summer we had no clerks. (My summer, I bet we had 30.)</p>
<p>I talked to my D about recruitment. She says she asks every girl she meets and virtually everyone is on the fence. She thinks she’ll pay the registration fee and go to the first event then decide after that.</p>
<p>thanks and I enjoyed reading all the info and the discussions on Greek life. After going through recruitment, my D is happily joining a sorority at Pitt. No references were asked for/required, thankfully, though one new dress was purchased! Seems like this was a good choice for her. :)</p>
<p>I have read this, and the other threads about rush/recruitment for several years on CC. I joined a house MANY years ago, one of my daughters didn’t affiliate, the other did. Do I wish that my unaffiliated daughter had joined a house? On one level yes, but she was true to herself and Steven Spielberg. (She missed recruitment for his class.) The other daughter joined. I joined the “Jewish” house (there were no choices back then for Jewish girls.) My daughter joined a top tier house.</p>
<p>Did we all make friends? Yes. Is life ok? Better than ok. </p>
<p>Congratulations to your daughter on pledging at Pitt! I hope she’ll be very happy. </p>
<p>…next week I’m going to the wedding of one of my sorority sister’s children. Terrific!</p>
<p>Thanks for the update, pamom59! I am glad that she is happy!</p>
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<p>My D has also joined a sorority (ZTA) and is very, very happy! We’re had to purchase several clothing items and I forsee more to come as they are required to dress in “business” clothes for the weekly chapter meetings. She also needed some random supplies for different events. And then I got the bill for the dues! Oh no! This is going to be an expensive endeavor! But it really appears worthwhile so far and I’m considering it grooming/polishing for D and good preparation for future life.</p>
<p>After two events, D is done with rush. She just doesn’t think the hanging out with a large group of girls, doing cheers and chants is for her…she admits that it seems just like drill team without the dance. But she feels done with that. I think it was worth the registration fee for her to check out the scene and make a decision, instead of wondering if she would have liked it.</p>
<p>I understand that choice, too, but I would point out that rush is the most “rah-rah” portion of the whole sorority experience. The meaningful part is afterwards, and the cheering and chanting of rush is just one week a year.</p>