<p>My freshman D is starting the rush process. I admittedly do not know a lot about this. I attended a recently turned co-ed Ivy back in the day and was a member of a co-ed fraternity that pretty much accepted everyone. There was no hazing or inappropriate initiation. It was more like a co-op and I had a great experience. The sororities seemed to me, at the time, a bit elitist, but maybe I was just intimidated coming from a rural state and not having a lot of money. Fast forward - D is an athlete who likes to dress up and straighten the hair, etc. but also loves to hang in her sweats and really isn't interested in being someone she is not just to be accepted. Initially she was not interested b/c the thought of having her picture flashed on a screen and thinking of the older girls commenting, did not appeal to her. Now she thinks it might be a good way to meet some other kids outside of her teammates and dormmates. She showed me the "dress code" for the various "stages" and I am very curious how this all works and if it is still elitist. What if you don't have fancy pearls and the like? I did read the thread of Fredo's D and that was sobering too. Thoughts?</p>
<p>I am an alumna advisor for a nearby chapter of my sorority. NPC sororities strictly forbid hazing, They also have much more stringent standards of behavior requirements especially for the sisters living in the house. This was the case back in my day as well as in the new millenium.</p>
<p>I'm not sure what the rush outfit suggestions are at your D's school but they usually start off very casual in the first round (jeans and a casual top) to wearing a dress at the last round.</p>
<p>A great source to look at is greekchat.com. There are many experienced GCers who have been on all sides of recruitment. You should also always feel free to contact the Greek Advisor at your D's school. The school's website should have links to Panhel, the specific chapters as well as general Greek Life info.</p>
<p>My D went through rush this past fall, after stating as a high school student that she wanted not part of the process/ SHe though goes to a school where soroities are a little different than at other schools.
It really depends on the school, and the given sorority. I t can be a very positive experience or quite a negative one. The girl should have a good idea of who she is, so that she can recognize which group feels most comfortable. She also must put her best foot forward with those girls, so it can be stressful, particularly if she isn't naturally out-going (the type of person who might actually benefit most from joining a sorority). My D is glad now that she did it - she has met another whole group of people that she wouldn't have known otherwise.
Two situations that I have seen in friends' kids that led to bad outcomes - a girl who is a legacy, but just doesn't click with current members at the legacy house, and someone thinking that there is only one group that will do, but that sorority is the most popular, or most elitist, or just isn't a good fit. Rush is stressful for girl and Mom.</p>
<p>My D is also a sweatpant type of girl, but decided to rush at her school as a way of meeting people. She ended up really enjoying the whole process and found a group of girls that she really feels she fits in with. She is at a southern school and the process is a lot more formal there than I have heard of at some other schools in the NE. I would agree that you should check on the Greek Life website of her school to see what it will be like there. We did end up having to shop for dresses as she wore very few in HS.LOL
My D has really enjoyed all of the activities offered by her sorority and the experience has been a positive one. Good luck with whatever she decides!</p>
<p>My daughter also rushed in the fall. She is an out of state student at a large northern university and thought this would be a great way of meeting peple right off the bat. Rush was fun ...and stressful. She believes she truly ended up in the right house and loves her house and sorority sisters. Depending on where your D rushes will depend on how stressful rush is. As someone said above, rushing in the south, in particular at an SEC school is a whole different ball game than rushing elsewhere in the country.</p>
<p>Currently my daughter is incredibly happy with her sorority. She lives in a huge house with 100 girls. There is always someone there to help you pick classes, study with, hang out with or go out with.</p>
<p>Like Cangel's D, my d did rush/pledge a sorority and it was a positive experience. She crossed over with some of her friends from freshman year and met a new group of friends. She has managed to maintain relationships with friends who are not greeks and friends who have pledged other houses. Even within the greek system you will find your niche of friends. She is happy with her sorority, lived in the house and was an officer. We did talk about the process up front and pays all of her dues out of her own monies.</p>
<p>One of the good things about their school is that freshmen are not allowed to pledge or rush. I think this waiting a year is beneficial because it does give the student more of an opportunity to decide whether or not greek life is for her.</p>
<p>I do think that one of the things that you and your D can do is find out as much as you can about how the greek system on their campus.</p>
<p>Contact the school's Panhellenic office and ask how many go through rush and how many available spaces there are. ASU had a horrible year this fall, with more than 3 times the number of girls going through as they had pledge spots for. I heard this from a friend whose D was extremely social in high school but did not get invited back to a single house she was interested in. I would find out how often that happens, and if they have a contingency plan (like opening up more spots) so everyone who wants to pledge can do so. If she wants to go through it, stress to her that she doesn't have to join a house during her first rush if she isn't invited to one she's interested in. I've heard girls will go through rush more than once. Also suggest she keep an open mind, because there is a lot of talk among rushees about "best" houses, and "worst" houses, and that may not be the case at all if she is willing to meet and get to know the girls. If rush hasn't happened yet, it could help if she meets girls in different houses in advance so she knows someone on the other side and they know her. Also, if you have any friends who were in sororities, get them to write recommendations so they have some frame of reference as to who she is when she walks into the house for the first time. Rush can be fun but it's always a very busy time (which is why they call it "rush").</p>
<p>The key thing is to keep an open mind . Many of the PNMs (rushees) drop out of recruitment (rush) because they may not want to join a non-top tier (in their mind) sorority. They refuse to even take a second look at any house other than XYZ even if ABC and DDD invite them back. </p>
<p>If you don't know Greek alumnae, you can do the following: It's a little late for January recruitments, but your D can get recs by contacting NPC.org and getting the POC for her local alum ass'n of the NPC. THAT group can put you in touch with local alums of the different GLOs and they can write a rec. Some alumnae will want to interview the girl before writing a rec so they can put a face with the resume. The interview is similar to a college interview that would be conducted by an alum.</p>
<p>Most girls can get a bid IF they are willing to seriously consider all houses.</p>
<p>I was in a sorority in college & was an advisor for my undergrad chapter, as well. Believe me, I would NEVER have been in a sorority at many schools! The greek culture at my college was wonderful. My academics actually improved after I joined, and I was friends with people in other greek groups as well as independents. </p>
<p>A lot depends on the school. Let your daughter handle this one on her own!</p>
<p>Thanks for the info. I am sure D will navigate it fine. I am very curious about the whole ordeal, since it is foreigh not me so i appreciate the suggestion of the website. D had to return to school on the 26th and this is a recent decision so my concern, in response to her request for my assistance, is to help her figure out the "outfit" situation. She is quite far away so we don't have a chance to go shopping. She does not have these "outfits" sitting in her closet as we live in a very informal/rural area where there is no occasion to wear some of this stuff. Thanks for the help!</p>
<p>Usually the outfits are fairly casual in the beginning round (jeans/khakis) and get a bit more formal by the end culminating with a dress (not frumpy but not revealing ie something you would wear to church)for pref night. She could also wear a skirt if she doesn't own a dress.</p>
<p>Despite what your D may claim, PNMs do not need to go out and buy new outfits for recruitment. You said your daughter likes to hang out in sweats but also likes to dress up. She probably has everything she needs ranging from the jeans to the nice dress.</p>
<p>Feel free to PM me if you want. My D is about to undergo the same experience in January so we can commiserate!</p>
<p>Oops, hope I didn't sound the wrong way --- what I meant was that each school is so very different. The advice here is great, but only your D knows exactly what HER school's rush/clothes/etc. is like. At my alma mater, clothes are pretty irrelevant. But I know it's not like that everywhere --- my D noticed differences between sorority life at 2 of her prospective schools just from overnights --- liked it at both schools, but noted it's very different at each!</p>
<p>DD was not interested in Greek life initially, but as an athlete she spent 5-6 days a week with her team and had a bad roommate situation. She rushed in the spring with the intent to find a new group of friends outside of her team.</p>
<p>She only visited a few of the houses as she had a friend at one of them and that was the one she wanted to join- we suggested she check out many, she checked out a few, I think mainly because we suggested it. I was concerned that just because she had a friend there, did not mean she would fit or receive a bid there. She did end up rushing her friend's sorority and is loving it. There were some houses she visited which fit various stereotypes and her house is just right for her. No room in the house for the new girls, so 20 of them are renting a house together with a few "outsiders." My d's roommate was an outsider, rushed and was not bid for Ds sorority, but another one and is happy there. So, check them all out and have faith it will work out well in the end, don;t get stuck on theidea of one perfect house for you, let the situation unfold and see where you (D) are invited.</p>
<p>There is a dress code, but in our case there is a great deal of warning and it is rather generic- every one needs a little black dress, every needs a white skirt, etc. So, there is time to shop sales and pick up the style of item which works within your wardrobe.</p>
<p>After I read "Pledged" I read "Queen Bees"-- honestly, were we like this when we were young? It is tough enough watching my 11 year old confront the 'mean girl' phenomena, I am not sure what I would do to help an 18 year old get ready to do so...I think there is a lot more to it than worrying about wardrobe- although learning to self market is a useful skill. </p>
<p>The school where Sybbie and Cangel's daughters go is also the school where earlier this year a news article gushed about a student who was willing to 'risk it all' and call in an emergency medical issue related to a rushing event. A friend of mine has a daughter who was in the pledge class and it is clear that not all the elements of those events were made public at all. </p>
<p>Preparation for rushing...pearls and pearls (of wisdom).</p>
<p>
Ditto with my 11-year-old!</p>
<p>It's all about self-presentation. If your D has ever interviewed for anything, talked to adults, she'll be fine. The actives tend to ask about non-controversial topics such as classes, summer activities, ECs. The PNM needs to avoid discussions related to excessive social activities, boys, etc.</p>
<p>attaching the thread that was in the parent's cafe I hope this helps</p>
<p>To Rush a Sorority or not to Rush </p>
<p>If she is a good conversationalist and smiles easily, she'll be liked by many girls. Those are some of the keys in getting my "okay" for my sorority in terms of first impression. The NPC and my school's Panhel heavily stress that "fit" is very important in having a happy Greek life. There is another sorority on my campus that I know that I'd be so miserable despite its great house location and private chef who makes sushi because I just am not like those girls. Your D should be aware of this fact- sometimes she might not get invited back because she just doesn't click with that sorority. It's not really her- the sorority want to keep as many happy members as possible over the semester and are looking for those who will fit in well. Even if she thinks she can, they won't let her change who she is.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, many girls go through self-exploration through this rush process because they figure out what makes them tick based on meeting 15-20 different sisters a night.</p>
<p>As far as I know (and note that I am of the opposite sex and thus have never been through sorority rush), it mostly depends on how open and outgoing the girls are. If they can talk with the sorority girls without bringing up things like boys and fraternities (those topics are actually banned from conversation during sorority rush at my school) and carry on enjoyable conversations without getting awkward and really nervous, they should be fine. Because of how few sororities we have compared to girls who want to pledge, we have issues of girls who don't get into the sorority they really wanted quite often. That said, they usually seem to end up exactly when they belong and fit best and within a year can't imagine themselves anywhere else.</p>
<p>I'm an interesting case for sorority rush.
As a freshman PNM, I absolutely HATED it (for many reasons, more so about my friends coping wtih the process), but loved it on the other side my sophomore year, am now rush chair, and am running for head of Panhel rush my senior year.</p>
<p>For me, most girls I met came back the following round, and all the girls I preffed on pref night ultimately received a bid. I was honest with them - I told them I was horrified and didn't like the process, but I kept on sticking through it, and in the case of our chapter, there were girls I liked seeing each time I went back. These feelings are completely normal and common and don't worry - it sucks, but try not to fight with friends, it's a completely personal process. My advice is that your pref card after each round to be kept solely between you and your rho chi, and your invite card the following round is similarly kept between you and your rho chi. Friends with different hometowns and interests shouldn't be able to judge where you want to go back to, and lets say you get cut from a ton of places you listed high (its unfortunate, but it happens from time to time), they'll know where you wanted and that you're not going back. If this is a time when girls are at their cattiest, that information isn't good. </p>
<p>Take the term "casual" with a grain of salt. Everyone says they want to make the process as un-superficial as possible, but sometimes it's hard. My tip is to go a little dressier or more polished, only because everyone else will, and even though the rush book says "jeans and sneakers fine" that doesn't mean everyone else will abide by it... and walking into a room being the most casual means you have more eyes on you. For earlier rounds which are shorter and you meet more people, judging is purely based on first impressions and most memorable impressions... being in jeans and a big tshirt and sneakers (someone did that) when everyone else is in jeans and heels and blazers (ubiquitous round 1 uniform), unless person A has an amazing personality, she's getting cut and its purely superficial. (that was something from last year's rush that we still talk about). I'd say to do a more polished look than the book recommends, for us, our most casual is philanthropy day, jeans and flats and a tshirt is FINE, but is better if you have a cool accessory like a necklace with it. Whatever.</p>
<p>Just tell your girls to be themselves. Be natural. Smile. And the BIGGEST THING to tell them (in rush, in job interviews, in life) that it is not a one way conversation. This is personally one of the biggest things I dock points for, I hate when I ask a girl what she's majoring in or what she did over break, I get a one word answer and not a "How about you?" response. Just as much as we're trying to get to know you, we'd like to think that you want to get to know girls that you can consider your sister. It's just a conversation killer to have things be so entirely one-sided, and having a real conversation ALWAYS bodes well for a girl.</p>