<p>Is anyone going through college sorority rush with their daughter and feeling like it is living through the ups and downs of college admissions all over again? I was so taken aback by this experience I had to check this out here. I have been listening to stories all week about waiting for results and girls crying about rejections...all condensed over a few days rather than a year but still so many ups and downs. Of course it is optional and not important in any significant way...I am really responding to the emotional dimension of it as a parent and the wish to make it easier for my daughter. Buf of course we can't do much except be available as a sounding board.</p>
<p>I think there is a web site called greek.com or something similar that has a lot of rush info and maybe a support group for nervous parents 
. Lots of stories, bad and good, about recruitment experiences.</p>
<p>Different universities have different environments as it relates to Greek life. Apparently some recruitment weeks are fairly relaxed, while others are absolutely cut throat. I know this could be torture for the parent who doesn’t want to see their child get their heart broken. You have zero control over it, no appeals process whatsoever, and you may not even be keen on the whole thing, yet you must remain calm, collected, and supportive. Not for the faint of heart, I’d guess.</p>
<p>The website is greekchat. It can help out a lot. Some schools have a very intense recruitment, while in others, it can be very mellow. I have advised chapters for quite a while now, and I can tell you that it can be very emotional on the other side as well. For parents of seniors, we parents can play a part by finding people to write recs for daughters. Some schools really do require them to get past the first meeting. A good rec helps as an introduction, but it is up to the young woman.</p>
<p>^^^^Thank you MizBee! I knew something about my post didn’t seem right.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses and referral to greekchat. I will check that out but it is too late to do much for my daughter who appears to have been cut from her two top choices today. She went half-heartedly late today to the one house that invited her back. It is ironic that she originally did not want a school with any Greek life and then became so involved in this rush process after starting college. As with any disappointment as a parent we hope our children are resiliant and emerge with self-esteem intact. I hope she finds other wonderful opportunities to live in a small close community at her school.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that rush hasn’t gone well for your D. It can be a brutal process. My D1 has had a good experience in her sorority, but one of her friends did not get a bid Freshman year. It was tough for that girl when most of her friends were involved with pledging acitivities that semester. She was able to join that sorority in the fall. Other girls my D knows just moved on and got inolved with other things. If things don’t work out for your D, I would encourage her to find some other activities to join this semester, and possibly rush again next year. It is generally easier sophomore year when you know more of the girls.</p>
<p>D1 went through it freshman year, and D2 will also do so next year (at least that’s what she is saying right now). Some schools are more intense than others, but even the not so intense ones it is still intense. I remember it was a week of roller coast when D1 went through it. Every evening when the new list came out was always nerve wrecking. D1 was also cut from her first choice the first day. When it was the final bid, D1 and 3 of her best friends went 2-2 to two different sororities, then they regretted because they wanted to be together. Happy ending was when the other sorority cut 2 of them, and the other one picked up all 4.</p>
<p>Not sure where your D is now on the process, but try to tell her to have an open mind, it is about getting into a house with girls she likes, not to worry so much about the ranking.</p>
<p>Your D might find that the house that invited her back is really the best group of girls for her. Whether it is a “top” sorority or not is really irrelevant if her goal is to enhance her social circles. That being said, my D spent one year in a sorority. At her U they have rush every quarter- it was crazy. A week out of every ten-week quarter was spent locked up in the sorority house. She had fun at first but hated living in the house- too much drama. Her grades suffered, too. She’s much happier this year living in an apartment with a couple of girlfriends who weren’t invited to join her sorority. Too bad we spent all that money on endless T-shirts that she’s not allowed to wear anymore! Your D can make good female friends without the sorority.</p>
<p>tptshorty, I LOVE recruitment, but once a quarter sounds insane! I hadn’t realized that there were schools doing formal more than once or twice a year. Of course, if it makes for smaller pledge classes at least one would have a better chance to bond in theory.</p>
<p>
Both excellent points, tptshorty.</p>
<p>The best way parents can support their daughters during rush is by encouraging them to keep an open mind, and not get too down hearted when groups don’t invite them back. </p>
<p>Encourage your daughters to stay in the process as long as possible, and to attend every party they are invited to, even if it is not to their favorites - and when at those parties remember to be polite and gracious even if you can’t see yourself being there…</p>
<p>Remember that the rush process exists to place as many girls as possible, equally in each house, taking in preferences from both sides as far as possible. It does not exist to give everyone their first choice</p>
<p>D1 went through recruitment during her 2nd quarter freshman year. Going into college, she had never expressed interest in joining a sorority. At her school. 30-40% of the women are in the 4 sororities on campus, so there is a high Greek presence. </p>
<p>Luckily, the recruitment process at her school appears to be much more laid back than some of the schools in the SEC. She did say that only 1 girl did not receive a bid, and was personally called before ‘bid day’ to notify her. </p>
<p>D1 had 2 top choices, and was given a bid to one of them. She totally loves everything about it, and has formal initiation soon.</p>
<p>gsmomma - Frazzled D is part of a sorority at a school where recruitment is not regarded as especially “competitive”, but where bids are not guaranteed, either.
And, I too was surprised when she expressed interest in going through recruitment. She reassured me that she would be ok with rejection, but it still hurt when she did not get invited back to a preferred sorority. </p>
<p>I was on the edge of my seat all week, hoping that she would at least get a bid from someone at the end, and reassured her that she would likely be in the minority, but not alone, were she to be dropped from every house.</p>
<p>I can’t help but think, though - </p>
<p>How depressing to be the only girl who did not get a bid, especially if numbers are adjusted to reflect the numbers of girls going through recruitment, and one or more of the sororities still had “room” for more members at the end of the week. </p>
<p>This is what rubs me the wrong way about recruitment at the “laid back” and non-competitive schools, unless every girl who meets GPA requirements and stays with the process all week is guaranteed a bid somewhere - it somehow feels to me that it would hurt more to be left out alone in the cold than to be left out, but with lots of company.</p>
<p>Thank God for the parent support on this site. I feel so much better after hearing your responses and it confirmed my gut reaction that she should keep an open mind. She is waiting to hear tonight about the bid from the house that she last visited. </p>
<p>I must say the whole week seemed somewhat of a blur for my D and maybe others going through this for the first time. My D described starting with 12 houses, going back to 8 then 5 then choosing 3 before she was cut by 2. When I asked her for specifics it was hard to get much more than that she was having fun and had some good conversations. So when it came down to the final house left on the list it was hard for her to distinquish it from the others and I asked her to keep an open mind when she visited again and try to feel what made her keep it on her list initially. That must have helped because she went back and spent an hour talking to someone with whom she had much in common and she sounded very happy afterward. </p>
<p>If there is any lesson I am not sure what it is…maybe what someone said here that many end up where they should if they stay positive and open to the experience. But again it should not be the defining experience in college but one of many opportunities to find and make new friends.</p>
<p>So pleased she gave them another chance! Fingers crossed for her :)</p>
<p>Remind your DD there is a strong random factor to the eliminations, especially the early ones with huge groups. It may not be anything she did, she may simply not have stuck in someone’s mind, or her name may have come up near the end when people were tired or cranky, or there may have been a compromise between factions and she was not someone’s best friend who got the nod. It may not have been her at all.</p>
<p>DD had a legacy at the most prestigious sorority on her campus, ranked highly by outsiders, but DD did not enjoy those girls as much as other groups, so she chose a different #1. Yet, the next rush, several friends she encouraged did NOT get a bid to her supposedly less picky group.</p>
<p>DD despised those all nighters making the cut lists, she said people used the most pathetic reasons to cut some people.</p>
<p>I am not sure why the one girl did not get a bid at D’s school. There could have been some circumstances that we will never know, and not that no one liked her.</p>
<p>D1 did text me that she passed her ‘new member test’, which is required prior to initiation.</p>
<p>Well the final word is she got the bid and sounded very happy!!!
I am very relieved that she emerged from the process relatively unscathed!
Thanks again for your helpful comments and insights.
I hope they can all turn tomorrow to focus on school work!</p>
<p>^^^^Glad it all worked out. Now you can relax, too. :)</p>
<p>I hope that she enjoys her night tonight.</p>