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<p>Ha! I assume that starvation is self-correcting in his case. ;)</p>
<p><<one of="" the="" things="" that="" separates="" an="" excellent="" bs="" from="" other="" schools="" is="" team="" people="" who="" are="" actively="" interested="" in="" students’="" well-being="" 24="" 7="" …="" this="" experts="" happen="" to="" know="" how="" bring="" out="" best="" students="" and="" help="" them="" learn="" overcome="" myriad="" obstacles="" challenges="" works="" for="" them.="">></one></p>
<p>Ah, <em>exactly</em> what I’m trying to dig out in the list of potential boarding schools for DS. His jr BS, I am glad to say, is doing the job above very well and he has thrived. He is now applying out and the trick is going to be to find the school that can best continue on, knowing that there will be an age appropriate shift in the interpretation of the specifics. More than anything else, I do want that team who is <em>actively</em> interested, which can and does bring out the best in each of the kids. </p>
<p>How well a school manages this seems to vary and can be elusive to pin down. If I were to ask, hey, do you care and do you bring out the best, of course any fool school will say ‘yes’. Any tips on how to identify those who walk the walk? </p>
<p>It is this very quality that often seems to be at the root of whether the boarding school turns out, in the end, to be a happy or unhappy decision for the family.</p>
<p>Parents are usually contacted by current parents. That’s a good opportunity to ask each family about their experience with such matters. If you leave a list by the phone you won’t be caught off guard. Students are often contacted by other students. You can ask the same questions at revisit days; many schools have current families on hand to answer questions.</p>
<p>You may be surprised by how honest parents can be.</p>
<p>I would echo the advice to contact the hall parent and ask them to assist you in the parental smack on the back of the head. Have just spent the 48 hours dealing with an “issue” - thank god for the counselor, who was involved, available, sensible, and had good aim. </p>
<p>With regards to what to expect at college - do you find there is a difference between larger and smaller colleges in the availability of concerned adults? or are they all the same?</p>
<p>Choatemom’s son is not exaggerating about the limited time. My son also misses meals because of a full schedule. He often buys junk food from the vending trucks that come around campus than waist time to run across campus for dinner. And the food is really good at Choate so it’s not like he’s too lazy to blow off a hot meal. Time is limited between sports, music and homework. I spoke to his advisors about this. The biggest problem is the limited internet when he needs to research. He often wakes up at 5am to complete HW.</p>
<p>@ssacd</p>
<p>A slightly different twist on the accessibility of “adults” in college…One of the tangible benefits of BS with its hall parents, concerned teachers and invloved coaches and advisors is that kids learn to use the resources available and ask for help when they need it. D1 (2010 grad) was explaining today how she had some concerns on a college econ problem set and could not make it to the prof’s office hours due to a work conflict. So she emailed the prof and found another time to meet and as a backup set up time with a turor from the tutoring center. She did this all the week before the problem set was due, because she knew she had an exam and other assignments that were due at the same time. I attribute the both the time management and the taking the initiative to reach out as things she learned at BS. I relly think it gives kids an edge in college, beyond the issue of academic preparation.</p>
<p>Agree with 1012mom. Ssacd, you may want to post your question on the Parents Forum in the general college area. The parents there are wonderful. </p>
<p>My 2 cents is, having attended a very large well-known university, there was absolutely <em>no</em> availability of concerned adults - I suppose you’d have to know how to seek it out as 1012’s DC did. I did fine and did not expect the individual attention nor have the boarding school experience which would have taught me such proactive skills, but some kids did sink.</p>
<p>thanks for the suggestion - I will attempt! (having a hard time making myself “graduate” from this section of the forum - too many good ideas!)</p>
<p>I concur with the others - even at sink or swim schools you can find at least one adult who can serve as your surrogate to kick them in the butt when needed - even if it’s a cafeteria worker. Some of the most "nurturing people at Exeter when I was there were the ancillary staff. Although we have good relationships with my D’s dorm head and her advisor, I do remember watching her run across the quad in her bare feet in the dead of winter and ignoring our pleas for common sense (because running in her high heels towards the prom bus was deemed by her to be impractical). A security guard was walking in the opposite direction, called out her name and barked (lovingly) “D” Put your shoes on right now! And she laughed and complied. Although our pleas backed by one of the cafeteria staff to wear stockings in the sub freezing weather went unheeded. The staff member said her own daughters ignored her too. Later, Taft told us the faculty meet and discuss everything about the students on the regular basis including keeping tabs on who is eating healthy meals and who is skipping so they can quietly intervene if needed. My husband laughed and said “Yep, D is right at home here and I feel comfortable with these people keeping an eye on her.”</p>
<p>Ooh - @ssacd - don’t go. I love having you here. And sigh - we switch into college mode next year. I’m not looking forward to that stress but the BS experience has really helped me see that I can be a silent “advisor” because she’s taking on the reigns of that search with her increased independence and confidence.</p>
<p>I, too, have tiptoed upstairs to the College Parents Forum. There is a wealth of info to be gained by reading the posts and I particularly like the comradery amongst the parents. The “Class of [fill in the graduating year]” threads allow parents to speak directly to those who are on the same timeline.
However, I think there are subtle but real differences between the experiences of BS parents and those of day student parents. How many of those parents would be able to relate to the very popular “Remote College Counseling” thread, for example?
It’s similar to the lunches I’ve been having lately with a few friends who are all parents of Junior day students. Sure, we have a lot in common but a certain point, those similarities diminish because there’s really nothing like the BS parenting reality. One of my friends slipped me a copy of “Letting Go-The Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years”. With the exception of the obvious, aged-defined distinctions that exist between the college and the BS experience, I feel I could have written that book myself.</p>
<p>@ssacd: Alumni are always welcome here :)</p>
<p>I agree with nylecoj007. Apart from very school-specific points, this forum – and the familiar people on here who have already gone through the college process – has proven more useful during the college process than the college forums. For college, my needs have been mostly in the form of “reality checks” – which are best received from people you’ve come to know.</p>
<p>I also agree. I’ve looked at a few threads, but I have no urge to join the discussion. At that age, the high school students should be taking the lead.</p>
<p>I went and subscribed to a couple of threads, but the “class of 2013/2017” thread is completely consumed by SAT and ACT scores right now. Understandable, but I think I’ll wait till they start talking schools before I go back. In the meantime, I’m going to keep my head straight by hanging out with you guys - agree with D’yer Maker that the reality check means most from people you know.</p>
<p>I am active on the 2012 thread in the Parent’s forum, and as things get closer I would encourage other parents to follow their year. There are very few BS parents on the threads, I know of only one other on 2012. However, over the months the threads form a real community of shared experience. Even though it is not the same experience, it is I think particularly helpful to parents who do not know or communicate regularly with the parents of their DC’s classmates. The conversation does turn to school visits, everything from state flagships to LACs and the Ivies. Then there are the LOR and common app questions, and the shared celebrations and disappointments.</p>
<p>As commencement nears for D2 I find myself on the Prep forum less and less, but feel free to PM any questions…</p>