College-Decision and Admission Chances ruining my family relationship, need advice please.

Applying to College
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<p>Okay, thank you for taking the time to read this, and I'm just in a big struggle right now. My mom wants me to apply to Ivy League schools, and I know for a fact that I won't make it. I mean sure, doesn't every parent who is conscious about colleges would want their child to go to Harvard or Columbia?</p>

<p>Well, just a few hours ago I got in a huge fight with my mom. I plan to go in the medical field and hopefully work as a surgeon when I graduate from med school. I don't believe that the college/uni I go to will effect my career, as long as I have a good record of successful surgeries or do well in residency. </p>

<p>However, that doesn't mean I'm aiming for low colleges. I told my mom I wish to apply to Boston U and probably Purdue and some other colleges in the same level. </p>

<p>Just some quick background:
I'm from NYC and I'm currently a Junior now. I'm also a first-gen American. </p>

<p>-My GPA (weighted) right now is like a 3.6/3.7
-I scored about a 1500 on my PSAT earlier in my soph year(haven't studied for it at all)
-I plan to score just around the 2,000 mark on the SAT. (I've started taking SAT Prep classes)
-Also I've taken one AP in my soph year, and I'm taking two AP's this junior year.
-EC's:
I have currently 150 hours of community service, I plan to finish junior year with 300+ hours, and senior year with a LOT more.
Key Club and Girl Up Club, I've been thinking to start a weight-lifting/fitness club with my friends
I plan to get a position in Key/GirlUp Clubs next year because my friend is now a Vice President
I made the school tennis team last school year but I was bad so I didn't get to play any games but I made the roster, and I will get to start games this year because I got a tennis tutor.
I tried out for NYSSMA(NY State Piano Test) and I scored really high on my level 1 test and my piano teacher told me it's really good, so I plan to take level 3 this year
I played on a paid basketball camp team after school, separate from school last year. </p>

<p>And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I have a good chance at Boston U, Purdue, Drexel, etc. </p>

<p>I've tried explaining it to my mom a million times that I don't think it's worth going into Ivy League and that I think I'll do fine just at these schools I mentioned. My relationship with my mom is very strained right now because of this and I honestly think she's making it too much of a big deal and I believe it is my choice and I told her it's my choice. But she believes that I should do what she says, and I think Ivy League is too competitive and something I don't want to deal with. </p>

<p>Anyways, any advice would be GREATLY appreciated :) </p>

<p>Also I wish to stay away from NY schools simply because I fucked up my NY State Regent tests, 70 on geometry, 71 on trig, 82 in chem, 91 in global. I never put that much effort into these because I don't plan to stay in New York because I know other out-of-state unis don't look at NY Regent Scores. </p>

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<p>Maybe you can compromise and agree to apply to just one Ivy to make her happy?
If you don’t then you know you’ll be hearing about it 10, 20 years from now. :)</p>

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<p>I dealt with a lot of pressure from my parents as well, along with them trying to live vicariously through me. It’s very hard to deal with these situations, but you have to make your first big decision as an almost-independent adult and decide for yourself which colleges you want to visit and which you then choose to apply to. </p>

<p>Honestly, it might be worth visiting a school your mom wants you to attend that sounds appealing to you. You might be shocked and find you love it, or your visit might reaffirm that you don’t want to apply there, and then you will have some strong, factual points you can bring up to your mom when you restate that you don’t want to apply (I can’t see myself fitting in, the research opportunities they mentioned didn’t interest me, etc.). </p>

<p>I don’t think that a lot of NY colleges look at regents scores. Perhaps the state schools do, but I was under the impression many private universities don’t. If you truly want to get out of NY, that’s fine, but if there are colleges in NY that you like, I’d encourage you to apply regardless of your regents scores. </p>

<p>Dealing with parents in this situation is really difficult. My parents did not agree with the safety schools I applied to. My mom really wanted me to apply to Yale, but I really didn’t like it after visiting. Now I am able to look back and be confident that I made all of my application choices myself. Even though I will be attending the college my mother wanted me to attend since my birth, the decision to do so was entirely mine (by the end, she wasn’t even pushing for it). </p>

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<p>Pick your battles. It’ll be a lot calmer in your house if you nod, don’t argue, and simply APPLY—that of course, doesn’t mean you’ll get in. But at least that will get your Tiger Mother off your back.</p>

<p>For med school, the undergrad school doesn’t matter, so long as it’s a reasonable school. It’s your GPA & MCAT scores that matter. You can major in anything, provided you take enough of the appropriate courses to help you w the subject matter covered in the MCAT. </p>

<p>Apply to a couple ivies to satisfy your mother, but definitely continue on as you have started, to pragmatically consider other good schools which have admit chances that aren’t complete crapshoots.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I’ve actually told her I’ll apply to Columbia just for her, but then she’d say that I’d have to go monster mode to pick up my GPA back to a 4.0 and get a perfect SAT 2400. And like others, I’m not a workhorse, I try to stay with reasonable realistic goals, satisfied with an above-average tier school. I actually want to keep my social life intact my junior year and just take it as easy as possible and enjoy my final 2 years of high school, already with the burdens of constant SAT Prep classes and hospital volunteering DURING the school year, as well as 2 AP’s. </p>

<p>Applying to Ivy League schools just to satisfy my tiger mom only means she’ll turn more tiger on me. I just need some reasonable, factual-proven points I can say to her that can satisfy her with my current choices. </p>

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<p>Maybe getting an unbiased outside source would help reaffirm your notion that applying to multiple ivy league schools would not be a wise decision for you. Perhaps a GC, who you could have a meeting with, where she could talk about realistic choices when it comes for applications. Or use Naviance and show her what typical applicants have GPA and test core wise. I think you are wise to recognize what you want in a college early on.</p>

<p>If she is ready to foot the bill for the application fees and is still letting you apply to other schools, then you could just go with it. But if she is pressuring you to drop some of your schools in order to add some extremely selective schools, then I’d definitely get someone else involved</p>

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<p>The issue that you really need to be concerned about is cost and financial aid. If your tiger parents will pay for Ivy League schools, but won’t pay for anything that they consider unworthy (and won’t cooperate with financial aid forms for what they consider unworthy schools), then it is Ivy League or bust or full ride merit scholarship for you (look in <a href=“http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/”>http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/&lt;/a&gt; for the full ride scholarships).</p>

<p>Note that some of the Ivy League schools have excellent financial aid, so they have a lower net price for many students than many lower prestige schools. Some of the schools you named are not great places to get good financial aid, so they may be too expensive anyway. Try the net price calculators on their web sites.</p>

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<p>Yeah, about that, I’ve heard so many scary stories about student debt. My mom is divorced and my dad doesn’t live with me and I don’t get any financial support from him. She’s a nurse so I’m pretty sure I’ll get some sort of financial aid right? </p>

<p>I don’t know, but I could be REALLY wrong, but I’m not that worried about student debt right now, I’m pretty sure it will be something I’ll pay off early in my career if I continue to pursue a job in the medical field. </p>

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<p>Divorced parent situations can be problematic with college financial aid. Most of the good financial aid schools (including the Ivy League schools that your mother covets for your) require both parents’ financial information. If your father is non-cooperative with financial aid paperwork or has high income but no willingness to pay, then you will not get enough need-based financial aid.</p>

<p>This makes it especially important to construct your list to include large merit scholarship schools.
<a href=“http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/”>http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/&lt;/a&gt;
<a href=“Competitive Full Tuition / Full Ride Scholarships - #46 by ucbalumnus - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1461983-competitive-full-tuition-full-ride-scholarships-p4.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Usually, the schools which give good financial aid/meet 100% of need are those super selective/competitive schools you don’t want. However, there are exceptions. Example: You said you liked Boston U (does not meet need); have you considered Boston College (meets need)? It’s Jesuit/Catholic, but I don’t think you’re required to take religious courses/go to church or anything.</p>

<p>There’s also the merit option, if you have a high EFC or simply like better a certain school which offers merit aid.</p>

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<p>Even if you don’t pursue ivies, it behooves you study hard and achieve as much as possible academically, because those A’s and high test scores translate to eligibility for scholarship money. </p>

<p>If you kick butt on the PSAT this October and make the cutoff for National Merit Semifinalist, then that will open a lot of doors for you financially. Last year’s PSAT cutoff for NY state was 219.</p>

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<p>My dad kind of went ghost, he doesn’t even live in the U.S or isn’t even registered or anything. It’s literally just my mom and I.</p>

<p>Yeah I don’t expect to do that well on the PSAT, maybe just a 1900 or maybe just hit the 2k mark. Depends how much this SAT Prep classes pay off these three months.</p>

<p>Also you guys have any decent colleges with good financial aid, also what about federal grants? I’ve heard something about that. </p>

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<p>

Does your mother have sole custody? Otherwise your father will need to fill out the FAFSA, too, for you to apply for FA:
<a href=“http://www.fafsa.com/understanding-fafsa/fafsa-questions#Q10”>http://www.fafsa.com/understanding-fafsa/fafsa-questions#Q10&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>For SAT Prep, also check out Xiggi’s advice:
<a href=“http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/68210-xiggi-s-sat-prep-advice.html”>http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/68210-xiggi-s-sat-prep-advice.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Yes, my mom has sole custody. </p>

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<p>And she earns around 75K a year.</p>

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<p>There is a ton of stuff that both you and your mother don’t understand. Too much for this one post, I hardly know where to begin. But I will give you an idea that you will likely be expected to pay 41,000 per year with no aid at Purdue as it is an OOS state college, unlikely to give you aid.</p>

<p>I don’t know if your mom can be reasoned with or not, but it seems like you need to change the dialogue with her from one of picking colleges to one of learning about financial aid, how students pick safety schools (academic and financial). If she isn’t listening, then you may have to make sure you have some sure bets yourself so you can go off to college and not get shut out of everywhere you apply, either by being rejected or by not being able to afford it when you do get in.</p>

<p>You are right that you are not on track to becoming Ivy viable. And you do not need to go there, yes. It is ridiculous that someone is suggesting that you try for NMF with a low psat already. It is ridic that you Mom has expectations that you can just study and get 2400. On average prep classes raise scores by 20 or 30 pts. So not much. But some people put a lot of effort in and can squeeze a couple hundered points out. </p>

<p>Good work/life balance is important, but Jr year is where students work very hard if they are trying to get into reach colleges and get aid. Your view to take it easy the next two years is inconsistent with your other goals. There is nothing wrong with your state colleges and that is your most likely option as far as affordability and academic match at this point.</p>

<p>You can do some reading in the Med school forums section to see if there is anything you can print out for your mom. You want to go to a school where you can maintain a very high gpa. And many Dr come from state schools it doesn’t matter too much.</p>

<p>It doesn’t seem like you will be eligible for any federal aid except a student loan. I’m not familiar enough with TAP to know if you can get that. OOS publics in general will not give much if any aid at all. Privates that ‘meet need’ will have a family portion that your have to pay,you will get loans too, and the “meets need” are hard to get into. The ones that don’t meet need like BU and Drexel are just going to give you some money, more if you are in the top of the applicant pool. You may not be attractive enough candidate to give the big aid to afford BU not sure Drexel.</p>

<p>Here are some things to start with:

  1. Start reading the Financial Aid FAQ pinned at the top of the aid forum.
    <a href=“Financial aid FAQs - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums”>Financial aid FAQs - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums;

<ol>
<li><p>Learn how the Net Price Calculator works so you can estimate costs</p></li>
<li><p>Learn how to look up section C of the Common Data Set and compare your ‘stats’ to accepted students to see where you stand </p></li>
<li><p>Browse the other financial aid threads to find out where you might get some affordable schools</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>We’re in NYS and have an income of ~$60k, own one home, and have no investments or assets besides retirement accounts that aren’t counted. Our son qualified for about $500 TAP and roughly $1000 PELL, so I would guess a $75k income will only qualify for the $5500/year federal loans.</p>

<p>OP, I would start with finances. Ask your mom how much she can pay per year for you to go to school. If she can’t pay much, you need good SAT scores and a solid GPA (which means not slacking off on Regents) so you can qualify for merit aid. When you get your SAT scores, you can check the guaranteed merit awards thread at the top of the financial aid page to see if you qualify for any of them. Better yet, check now to see what kind of scores you need to get to qualify so you and your mom know what’s out there. If you don’t qualify for merit you could always commute to a CUNY, but since current tuition is ~$6k/year you’d need more than the federal loans to cover your tuition, books, and other expenses.</p>

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<p>It seems like finances aren’t the reasoning behind the OPs problem. It seems like the mom wants prestige. OP, it’s her money, so apply to one or two. But apply to state schools. SUNYS don’t actually care about Regents scores that much. However, they are becoming more competitive so bring up your CR+ M score to at least 1100.</p>

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<p>You are rising junior correct?</p>

<p>My advice

  1. this discussion doesn’t need to happen now. It’s premature. It is never going to be ok until you get rejected from the ivys that you apply to. Then the issue will be OBE (overcome by events), and will eventually be ok.
  2. Do your best junior year, but don’t lose sleep, and make sure to have some fun. Learn to be the person that you want to be.
  3. When you have SAT scores in hand, and a clear idea of your GPA, it’s time to start seriously looking at colleges. Because you have such a contentious relationship with your mother, just agree with her for now. </p>

<p>Toward the end of your junior year, one of two things will happen. You’ll either be competitive for ivys or not. </p>

<p>Once you have stats, you can look at three kinds of college
a) Ones that will fully meet your financial need
b) Ones that are in-state where the tuition is subsidized by your state’s taxpayers.
c) Ones that will offer you sufficient merit scholarships to allow you to attend there (basically they lower their prices to induce attendance)
d) Ones that you can afford at list price (maybe CUNYs and community colleges while you live at home). </p>

<p>From what you describe, BU, Purdue and Drexel are not in any of these categories. </p>

<p>Some colleges that claim to be full-need that might be worth considering are
Brandeis, Bryn Mawr, Colby, Connecticut College, Dickinson College, Franklin and Marshall, Grinnell, Knox College, Lafayette College, Lawrence University, Mt Holyoke, Oberlin, Scripps, Skidmore, Smith, Trinity College (Harford), Union College, University of Miami, University of Richmond, University of Rochester. </p>

<p>You may or may not be competitive for some of these, but you’ll know more toward the end of junior year. </p>

<p>You can take out Fiske Guide to Colleges from the library and read up on these. </p>

<p>Despite your regents scores, you will need to apply to SUNYs and/or CUNYs as financial safeties. Get over your trepidation. </p>

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<p>I would like to thank classic rocker dad and brown parent and the rest of you for very helpful advice. I just didn’t think student debt would be that much of a problem as I always thought I could pay it off early in my career if I become a surgeon or other related field.</p>