Hello all,
Brief summary: I graduated high school in 2013. I was accepted into a good liberal arts college in MN. I went for two years but failed out due to mental health issues. I immediately went back to a 2-year school this semester to get some credits then eventually transfer to the U of M.
In high school, I was never a super motivated student. I was smart enough that I didn’t really have to try at most classes. I never pushed myself to take really challenging classes. I took one AP class and two CIS classes. I took one per year my last three years of high school. I got to college and found studying to be difficult. Not in the sense of the material being too hard or the process of studying to be too hard, it’s that I couldn’t focus. I would try and do my work but I just couldn’t. Towards the end of each semester, I would stop going to class. The last few weeks I would only go when I had a big test/final. I would never study for the tests either. I would stay in my room and play video games or sleep most of the time. Each semester, it got worse. I would stop attending class earlier and earlier and I wouldn’t attend throughout the semester either. The last semester I was at the first college was the worst. I skipped the last month and a half of classes, I rarely did homework at all throughout the entire semester, and I wouldn’t do group projects or other required things either. I would sleep, eat, and play video games. This summer I was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on medication to help with that. As the summer went on, I grew more and more attached to the idea of going back. I thought my ADHD medicine would be the solution to my problems. I was accepted into a community college in the Twin Cities. My friends and family were very supportive of me going back and I was determined to succeed. That lasted about a week. As soon as I started going I felt the urge to stop going. Just looking at homework, thinking about practicing my instrument, or even looking at/thinking about school makes me angry and depressed. I want to want to go college and get back in order but I just can’t stand it. When I have my depressive episodes, it applies to everything in my life. Nothing that I enjoy makes me happy. It gives me unquenchable boredom and resentment towards anything to do with school. The weird part is once I get my mind of off school, I’m usually ok. When I look at my books sitting on my desk, I cringe and can’t stand to look at them. It drives me crazy.
Classes started about 4-5 weeks ago and I attended pretty well for the first week or so, other than one class. I went to the first day of my psychology class and haven’t been since. I haven’t been to every class period in a day or week since school started. My brain always get’s angry when I tell myself to go to class. The same thing is happening all over again. I have contacted a couple Psychiatry clinics to make an appointment to see if there is truly something wrong. I am hoping we can figure something out.
I was thinking about withdrawing from school for the rest of this semester, meeting with the therapist, and working (I don’t mind going to work which is odd.) I want to take some time off to really figure things out and realize what I want and need to do. Do you all think that is a good idea? This semester is too far along for me to really muster anything close to a good grade in any of my classes. Rather than have more bad grades on my transcript, I would rather make some money and get things figured out. I need help/ideas on what to do.