The main point of my advice was to avoid overstatement and embrace understatement: In other words, don’t try to be profound, keep it simple: “Of course, you don’t need to flip a cliché. Just using understated language is effective, too.” So I agree with your last sentence.
But I disagree with your first. Avoiding overstatement–especially the urge to offer “wrap-up wisdom, a realization, or some profound insight” as I said–is useful advice for all students writing college essays; not just kids applying to selective schools. What is the basis for your claim? Kids applying to less competitive schools aren’t smart enough to edit out overstatement?
You seem to say, well if they try this technique of playing with a cliche, they risk coming off try hard. I agree that’s a concern. But just because that’s a danger doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it out. Students: give your essay to the friend who tells you what they really think. Having taught high schoolers, I know kids are some of the best judges of authenticity–they can spot phony and forced writing. And read your writing out loud. You’ll hear it.
The examples I provided are the best writers in the world. No argument they’re ambitious. But aside from a concern about sounding try hard, why wouldn’t we point kids to this writing as an exemplar to strive for? I think it’s a mistake that students only want to read examples of student’s “essays that got them in.” Students: why would you limit yourself to what a high schooler can do? Swing big. Aim for the fences. Read the best essayists to prep your essays.
I also disagree that these essays aren’t graded. We absolutely grade them–but instead of a letter grade, they get a rating in categories like intellectual vitality and personal qualities. So it sounds like we disagree about the point of an essay as well. I’d say it’s to demonstrate these qualities you’re getting rated on. Your take (part of it, I’m sure you have other thoughts on this) is an essay should give the AO “insight into who a student is and how they think.”
That type of advice is too general to be helpful in my opinion. For a student, it begs the question, “OK but what part of me should I be trying to highlight?” And that’s the right question because not all parts of you are equally worth highlighting to the very specific audience that is a college Admission Officer.
My rough-and-ready rule (of course, simplified for posting here) is more specific: Students, when someone finishes reading your essay, their primary reaction should be: “Wow, I didn’t realize how smart you are and how much you love, care, know about about X idea.” It should not primarily be: “Wow, you sound like a great person.” Why? Because you’re applying to be a student who studies ideas with smart professors–and the most important ratings your reader gives you turns on that. Is it also good to present as a great person–someone who is grounded, humble, and authentic? Of course. But that’s secondary to your intellectual qualities.
I’ve worked with students professionally on their essays for the past ten years as well–and they’ve gone to schools from Yale to SMU as well. I’ve seen them come up with creative, smart, dazzling writing they didn’t think they had in them on their first, second, or third draft. Sure, it’s difficult–writing is difficult. But I focus kids on the critical idea that writing IS rewriting. And any student can rewrite to avoid an ending that’s boring or cliché.
In short, we have a different opinion of what students are capable of. You say: [quote=“Lindagaf, post:2, topic:2798340”]
99%of students don’t have the skill to write anything approaching the level of sophistication you suggest.
[/quote] I disagree. I think much more highly of what students are capable of. And to be clear: I’ve simply highlighted one technique–among many–to try out if you find yourself saying something cliché. But the main point of my post that applies to all of you: avoid overstatement; embrace understatement.
–MCS