<p>Going through the college app process is making both my daughter and myself a little worried. She's an introvert - very much so. Going to a high school of about 4,000 students, it was so easy for her to be 'invisible' and she did that for a number of years. She's majoring in Art and French - both of which has helped her come out of her shell.</p>
<p>However, when we look at these colleges, they all seem to be looking for that leader, extrovert kid. The apps and essays seem to reinforce that as well. She's not that though. The other day she told me that whichever college she picked, she didn't want to be invisible anymore - about broke my heart. So, if this just part of the whole PR thing colleges have going or are there actually schools where an introvert can be welcomed as well?</p>
<p>Yes, you are encountering the Extrovert Ideal, and we all have to be extroverts part of the time, that’s just the culture. But in reality, colleges are looking for quiet introverts as well, not just rah, rah leaders.</p>
<p>There was a thread about a similar student a few months ago, and I recommended she take a look at LACs, specifically NESCAC schools or ones like them - so things like Williams, Amhert, Middlebury, Bowdoin, Hamilton, Vassar, Trinity, Haverford, Lafayette, Bryn Mawr, Barnard, Davidson, Carleton, Pomona, Colorado College, etc. They’re all small, focus on undergrads, have very small classes where it’s impossible to hide, very high academic standards, and probably more introverts than your average large school, or at least they won’t be drowned out by the extroverts.</p>
<p>Here’s the US News list - anything listed here may be great for her:
[National</a> Liberal Arts College Rankings | Top Liberal Arts Colleges | US News Best Colleges](<a href=“http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-liberal-arts-colleges]National”>http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-liberal-arts-colleges)</p>
<p>And if she or you hasn’t read it, I recommend this:
[Quiet:</a> The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking: Susan Cain: Amazon.com: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383514410&sr=8-1&keywords=quiet]Quiet:”>http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383514410&sr=8-1&keywords=quiet)</p>
<p>This broke my heart, because this was me when I applied to schools. I hate large groups of people in social settings, but love large group task-oriented meetings. I come alive in conversations with one or two friends (and am inordinately silly and outspoken), but don’t know what to do when I’m at a mixer to save my life, and I spend all of my ‘free’ time alone in my room, watching Netflix and relaxing.</p>
<p>The biggest piece of advice I can give your daughter is to understand and become okay with who she is. I’m at Duke-- where I almost didn’t go-- that has perhaps a school marketed for extroverts with its school spirit and ‘work hard play hard’ popular ethos. But I’ve definitely found spaces that aren’t like that-- and I’ve created spaces like that for myself as well. I chose my school based on the opportunties and programs offered here, and strangely enough, I really do love it.</p>
<p>For me, the first step was understanding that I was never going to want to go out and party or ‘have a good time’ or anything like that-- and that it was okay. I then found a whole bunch of opportunities where there are smaller groups in which I feel comfortable-- I take time to dance, am involved in student government, work in a fairly small office, etc. There are times when I feel ‘antisocial’ and like I’m ‘doing something wrong,’ but then I remember that I’m happy the way I am and give myself mini reality checks.</p>
<p>I think it also helps that I’m not in a ‘big’ major at Duke like Econ or Biology or Engineering; all of my courses are under twenty people this semester, and the majors I’m interested in are definitely smaller ones or smaller programs.</p>
<p>So no, don’t believe the hype. It’s definitely possible, even at a large ‘party’ school like Duke. I think an LAC would definitely be a better fit in the macrosense, but if there are larger schools that offer really compelling programs or things, don’t discount them! I don’t think you can PM yet (until you hit 15), but I’m always willing to talk and things.</p>
<p>My D2 is also an introvert. You are right, it does feel like the whole college application process is set up for extroverts! And I think every college admissions officer we ever met was an extrovert, too, which was hard for D.</p>
<p>One thing your D should consider is women’s colleges. I think an introvert can more easily shine in that environment. Scripps or Mount Holyoke in particular (both my Ds applied to and were accepted to Mount Holyoke – they attended elsewhere for various reasons, but they liked it a lot).</p>
<p>My D2 also struggled with interviewing, so in the end we decided she would not interview unless it was required (there is a whole thread out here on that where we hashed it over with other CCers). But the results were fine – she was accepted everyplace she applied.</p>
<p>She also mentioned her introversion in a couple of her essays. She did not use that word, but in her U of Chicago essay she described her method of watching and evaluating before jumping into a new situation, which ended up being to her advantage in the events she was describing. Her common app essay was about how she has spent her life since fifth grade emulating Sherlock Holmes (seriously… making her a little difficult to live with at times…), and she talked about being “overly reserved” in middle school as part of that, but becoming a bit more outgoing as she moved through high school. So your D does not need to hide it, especially if she can show how it has worked to her advantage in some way.</p>
<p>Also, my D did not have even one “leadership” position on her application (no club officer, team captain, etc.). But she was a top performer in a team academic EC at her school, and quite good at some individual activities (awards for art, 4H, fencing tournaments). Again, she was accepted everyplace, they did not seem to hold this against her. I think she came across as genuine and having depth in her applications, and the admissions committees seemed to like that.</p>
<p>I think maybe you are making assumptions about who these kids are. Yes, some introverts are shy and quiet but only some. Others compartmentalize their lives so that they can enjoy social interaction and group activity and then recharge in their own sanctuary of solitude (this is me and my daughter.) Many leaders are introverted. Believe it or not, many performers are introverts. Studies show 75 perfect of intellectually gifted people are introverted. Your daughter will not be alone in her introversion in college. She just may need to have a game plan for how to find her solace while surrounded by people.</p>
<p>If she’s shy, that’s a different sort of thing. I do feel for her. While I don’t agree that colleges are looking for extroverts specifically, the highly selective schools do seem to focus on kids who are out in front. That’s not particularly fair in my book. I agree with others… a smaller LAC would be good. I’m sure your daughter has something valuable to offer any campus. It’s all about how you package those traits in the application!</p>
<p>[16</a> Outrageously Successful Introverts](<a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>16 Super Successful Introverts | HuffPost Life)</p>
<p>turtletime, not sure who you think is making assumptions or what those assumptions are. My introverted kid got into U of Chicago, Swarthmore, and Harvey Mudd… it certainly is true that a lot of introverts are intellectually gifted, and I do think at least some top colleges appreciate that and can see past the “flashier” extrovert candidates to a kid like that. You are right about packaging those traits in the application, though, so they are visible.</p>
<p>Thanks for this thread. My own son is also introvert and we like the advice.</p>
<p>intparent, I was referencing the OP. I think it’s a common mistake to assume that leaders are extroverts. My eldest is extremely introverted. I swear, every Christmas until about 10 she would disappear into her room because it was all just too much. She spent most of elementary recesses with a book under a tree just as happy as a clam. Middle school she spent lunches in classrooms with a favorite teacher talking politics. In high school, she spends countless hours alone in her room or outside on her favorite rock. She needs that solitude or she falls apart. She’s also a regularly elected leader and a performer.</p>
<p>My point was that while it may seem like all these flashy candidates are extroverts… many actually aren’t. While the application period for a shy person who has felt invisible may be daunting, an introvert shouldn’t fear being out of place on a college campus.</p>
<p>I’m so happy to have found this thread and intparent, I so wish my D had met yours along the way somehow. She sounds temperamentally very similar to my kid who is very much a mull things over, assimilate, consider, evaluate, and finally contribute.</p>
<p>Even the college counselors at D’s school say that the college admissions process is stacked in favor of extroverts and that the importance of leadership is overemphasized. The ways you guys have outlined ways to “lead” quietly and to show strength are great. My D has won recognition through her writing and scholarship and I’m hoping that will be seen as a positive. She’s also trying to establish a specific interest club at school and is smart enough to understand that she needs to bring her more outgoing friends into this effort. She is very happy to be the force behind the scenes rather than the one in the limelight, something very, very typical of introverts.</p>
<p>I am in the middle of the book Quiet by Susan Cain and I recommend it to all of you. Introversion is more than just a matter of needing time alone to recharge. It’s not even a question of being energized by others vs. being energized by time alone. It is a temperament and while it doesn’t refer to traditional shyness, it does refer to those who tend to prefer that attention not be drawn to them, who enjoy working alone for at least a good portion of time, who are more reflective and, well, quieter. Sure, there are performers who are introverts–Barbra Streisand is a famous example–but those who tend to be elected student body president generally aren’t introverts in any sense of the word.</p>
<p>oops, sorry MrMom! I just saw that you’ve already recommended Susan Cain’s book!</p>