<p>Does anyone have any experience with or knowledge of the Rutgers program? It sounds good (don’t they all?) but Rutgers is a huge, sprawling campus, requiring students to spend a lot of time on buses, and famous for its red tape. </p>
<p>The Alabama program sounds great but we are in the northeast and I fear the pitfalls of sending my son far away would outweigh the benefits.</p>
<p>Thanks to all the past contributors to this very informative thread.</p>
<p>I just read through this thread and also found it helpful. There’s lots of research here about how to find resources for students with executive functioning issues and social issues. </p>
<p>I’d like to hear from some of the parents who started this thread about the current statuses of their kids, things they would and would not have done, given a second chance, etc.</p>
<p>I cannot say enough wonderful things about the Spectrum program at RIT. Their orientation program was brilliant and it made my son’s transition to college smooth – and, ahem, his mom’s.
I am late to this party, and I have not been on CC in ages, I will pm you my contact info in case I can be helpful.</p>
<p>Dustyfeathers, because of your question I will say a little more. For the orientation, they brought the students on campus earlyier than regular orientation. They totally understand these kids! They gave them a tour of all the quiet places in the main freshman academic buildings.<br>
The disability office gave my son no hassles about a single room, and he got a hall where there was a single bathroom/shower combination in addition to the multi/dorm type bathroom with multi showers. They discussed with him whether he even needed a single room with its own bathroom, but he thought about it and he decided he could handle the single hall bathroom. They said if it wasn’t available often enough for his needs they could change it to a locked system and he and another student who required it would have keys, but it never came to that.
They provided weekly coaching by a graduate student in psychology trained by the program. He had some other simple problems and she problem solved with him (like the store was out of one of his books, and he had to use it… she explained about reference copies, and showed him how to take one out from the library.)</p>
<p>So, what I would do again is: find a program that was so helpful! And a planet that felt like home to him.
We had looked for small LAC’s that were great with quirky kids, like Beloit and Knox, and he got into those… but he was always anxious about the weird humanities kids (he is hardcore pure math and hates writing). RIT is really big and I didn’t think it would work – but we discovered that where he was at home, and was happy, the NUMBER of people did not matter so much. It is pretty far from us (400 miles) but we have many friends there, and we made sure he knew them before we dropped him off.</p>
<p>Unless it significantly impairs a student’s ability to function, I really don’t think aspergers should be considered a disability. If managed well you may not even know someone has aspergers by the time they go to college. Also, some of the traits that define aspergers will end up being great strengths in college.</p>
<p>I had very few real friends in high school because I was afraid of opening up to people and felt very uncomfortable in groups. Additionally I had a lot of trouble making eye contact and preferred to be alone. However, through being on my own, I have learned to be more comfortable with myself and have found that people seem to like me and are interested in what I have to say. People have remarked that socially I actually seem very friendly and normal which is definitely not how I see myself.
When I was a kid, I was always described as very intense to the point of being obsessive. However in college this translated to excelling in my research, learning about my fields of interest, and having fascinating conversations with faculty.</p>
<p>Being in physics I suspect a large number of my classmates and professors have some form of aspergers. A lot of professors I have met who are really nice people quite obviously have trouble looking people in the eye and may appear very aloof before you get to know them. But once you get these people talking about something they are interested in, they are complete comfortable in their own skin.</p>
<p>I started this thread when my son was still in high school and we were looking at schools. He is now about to complete his sophomore year at Missouri University of Science and Technology. Overall he has exceeded our expectations. They do have a person who works with the kids in a kind of coaching capacity , however he felt after just a couple weeks that he didn’t need it, but does attend an Aspergers group every couple weeks. He has actually become quite good at advocating for himself and no longer gives his Professors letters outlining his disability. He has a private room and they have been very helpful with this. He is doing exceptionally well academically and has joined a design team on which he is quite active, and has participated in a couple clubs. However socializing outside of these activities is still a major problem and he has not made any close friends. He spends a significant amount of time alone which sometimes bothers him, but overall I would not say he is unhappy. Overall we have seen tremendous growth and he is continuing to work on the social piece.</p>
<p>Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share our daughter’s experience since it’s a little different than other posts. Our daughter was diagnosed at 12 and is 25 now. She has some social issues and significant executive function difficulties, but would never acknowledge her diagnosis, talk about it with us or go to any counseling or support groups. We were lucky that Colorado has great charter schools that are small and nurturing, which worked well for her, and I made sure that she had a 504 plan in middle school and high school so her teachers would be aware and that was helpful. She has always been great at masking her difficulties by observing how the other girls behaved and then mimicking their behavior. This meant that she would eventually make friends at a new school, but also meant that the teachers didn’t know why she might be struggling unless we told them. She was so good at flying under the radar that when she was first diagnosed, her teachers all thought it was crazy that they were called to a 504 meeting for her until they heard how her AS was manifesting. Every one said, "Oh, that explains (insert strange incident). </p>
<p>After looking at some small LAC’s OOS, she decided that she wanted to be closer to home for college. We ended up deciding on the University of Wyoming because it was only 2 hours from home, it has Division I sports (she’s a huge sports fan so this was important to her) and, although it’s a public university, it’s quite small and very personal and nurturing. Since she was already 18, we could give her the information about the disabilities support options, etc., but we couldn’t sign her up or make her follow through. She initially enrolled in the Honors Program because we thought that would be more supportive, but it turned out to be a bust. Her English professor gave very open-ended assignments that overwhelmed her, so she shut down and stopped handing in work. She also failed her Freshman science class for reasons I can’t remember. The result was that she lost her merit scholarship and her GPA suffered and never fully recovered, even though she got A’s and B’s for the rest of her college career. She was also miserable in the dorm because she was assigned to a foreign room mate who never talked to her. But the story has a happy ending. </p>
<p>She has always played her instrument to relieve stress from all her coping at school, so joined the university marching band. They had band camp before freshman year started, so she got to move in before most other students and had a ready-made group to belong to before school started. This was a lifesaver. She met some sorority girls through band and her great skill at imitating the other girls’ led her to join their sorority. Again, she made her own very supportive group and had a great living situation in the sorority house. She went abroad for a semester junior year (with a supportive program that I chose) and even with many academic ups and downs and three major changes, she managed to graduate in four years and one summer. </p>
<p>Since college, living on her own has been a little rocky - job hunting was hard, she’s still pretty naive and we have to continually ask about finances, but she is now employed by a Fortune 500 company and has a steady income. It turned out that all of her best friends from both high school and college are now in Masters programs to work with the disabled. She’s a very loyal friend, they love her and she’s happy. </p>
<p>I’m an aspie freshman at a university in NYC, and am thinking of starting an aspie support group for students with aspergers at my uni because one doesn’t exist yet. I was wondering what people who posted to this thread thinks about this : do you think students with aspergers want such a support group?</p>
<p>@patsmom, this thread has been utilized in the recent past. I think the question is a great way to bump the thread. And @SpaceNerd, I think my son (at a different school from you) would go to such a group. Maybe the Disabilities Office could help you get it organized.</p>
<p>I agree with Missypie in what I have seen. Whether it’s Aspergers or any other reason for lack of executive function, it’s a tough row for those with that disability. It all comes down to how well the student can function on his own. Otherwise commuting to college may be the best way to go, with parental oversight gradually withdrawn. If the school has dorm facilities, perhaps the student can get a room there after freshman year, after whatever time, when the parent feels that the student has a good chance of operating on his own.</p>
<p>I’ve mentioned before a friend of ours who sadly( at the time and it did hurt them and the student terribly then) decided that their very bright, talented, intelligent, intellectual DD was not ready to go away to any number of schools to which she was accepted due to some psychological issues that could be life threatening. And she did relapse, and it was a problem, even living at home with parental eagle eyes on her. It may have saved her life, never mind the grades in the terms and getting through school. 4 years later, the young woman did go to an Ivy League school for grad study, ready and able to be on her own. Wasn’t ready at age 18. </p>
<p>So it’s a call, the parent has to make, since these situations are so individual. My one cousin who did complete college and who as Aspergers did flunk out of the away college and finished up living with parents locally. To this day he struggles, with job and living on his own, though he is intellectually brilliant. He’s found himself in some serious trouble do to is handicap, and having someone who keeps a regular eye on him is essential so that things don’t go too far. He’s in in his 50s at this point, so we don’t expect that to change. </p>
Update on ds who I last posted with his abysmal first semester grades. Hard to be brief but a good ending so bear with me.
Freshman-2nd semester, met with disability services manager who was wonderful, worked with ds on executive functioning skills, and therapist to deal with depression. Met weekly, planned his study time around practices (club hockey player), class, etc. Grades much better, so close to getting off probation as he headed into finals…then BAM! Gf decides she can’t wait til he gets home to break up with him. Into a spiral of multiple calls a day to keep him focused and working…needless to say, grades were better but not enough to get him off probation.
He was enrolled in local college for summer courses but we explored online through his university to get grades to help his GPA rather than just credit transfer from univ here. No go, wouldn’t let him because of college he was in, not allowed to change colleges since he was on probation. Grrr.
Did well in summer courses, an A and a B and finally convinced him to stay here, continue at university so he applied for transfer admission. Univ said whoa, you did okay in summer but we are worried about frosh year. You can continue as a guest, take 2 classes and must get B and C in them. He commuted from home and got an A and B, accepted full time for spring. He was better about requesting extended time for tests and note taking from other students/profs. Took 12 hours and did well…can’t remember GPA but above 3.2. In summer, he started sign language for foreign language requirement, light bulb went off and decided to minor in deaf studies (major in Sport Management). After a full year of full time, he was offered a 1/4 tuition scholarship due to his excellent grades.
He has stayed full time, continued club hockey, works 10-20 hours a week, commutes from home. Has acquaintances but not good friends. He’s just now a senior and could graduate in a year (rest of his HS class on 4 year plan would be graduating this May), but will finish the hockey season and graduate in the Spring of 2016. He has interviewed for internships starting this spring and seems to have a good handle on life in general. He will move out as the internship he will likely get is about 90 min from home and also wants to live closer to campus next school year. I feel he is ready. He is happy, hard working and mature.
OP, my son is in an engineering dorm (peers with a common interest) AND in a special learning community (activities in that interest), which I hoped would facilitate friendship making. He doesn’t drink, which limits social activities, but there are other kids around him who don’t, either. There’s the 504? programs that most (all?) have (my son refused to transition from his IEP to a 504, so was not an option for him), which can provide learning support. Also, my son’s school has learning specialists who help any students who need it-guidance with learning and organization, and can meet weekly etc. to help support progress.
@Missypie, a counselor who used to work with Aspie kids at CMU told me that what you described was not uncommon for bright Aspies there. There is such a HUGE adjustment with trying to handle independence (from 0-100 in my son’s case) on top of academics, that sometimes kids crumbled. I’m sorry it happened to your son.
Some schools have specific freshmen retention plans designed to reduce the number of kids not returning (since this is now a reported number). Pitt engineering, for example, has one I was impressed with.
I’ve reread this helpful thread several times over the past few months. My son has narrowed down his acceptances to two good options: a small college 3 hours away that we have visited, met with professors, and that he loves - but he is very anxious about the idea of moving away from home - or our local university 15 minutes away, with a much more traditional program that he thinks is “just okay.”
He is struggling with a decision. I am on the fence - there are so many good reasons for him to commute from home to the local university. Yet I can see the attraction to the other school, for sure. It is a very exciting learning environment and really fits him. If he did well there it could change what to now has been a careful, routine life. You know how these kids like their routines.
I’ve suggested he take a deferral for a year. What are the changes a high-functioning kid – very sweet but vulnerable, with few social skills, and a history of depression (in remission thank goodness), will mature a great deal and feel less anxious about leaving the nest in 1 year? He’s capable academically, and his EF issues improved a lot during senior year while I backed off riding herd over his work.
Let me ask another question: what are the chances your high-functioning Aspie will get worse over the year? If you think that his EF issues will continue to improve over the next year, what are the risks of a deferral?