College Freshman Needs Social Advice

[WilliamsFreshman]

<p>As a freshman at a small, elite liberal arts college, I'm definitely not succeeding socially, and I'm really unhappy here. I'm posting just to ask for some advice. Thanks everyone for reading this.</p>

<p>During the week I find myself with very little free time. I'm usually way too busy with work and extracurriculars to feel lonely, or hang out with people for the most part. But I spend pretty much every Friday and Saturday night alone in my room, or doing something lame in my common room, like TV or video games, with other people that don't go out. I become extremely depressed and often wish I could be someplace else. </p>

<p>This is very opposite from the college experience I envisioned, where I'd meet lots of new friends, have interesting discussion every day, and party every weekend.</p>

<p>The only friends I've made so far are a few guys on my floor, but none of them are very close to me. I don't have a roommate. I'm grateful for the few friends I have so far, and they are nice, but they they just want to hang around the dorm on weekends, if they aren't alone in their rooms. They don't party or do anything else exciting. Hanging out with them can honestly be lackluster and depressing.</p>

<p>I'm not really sure how to make new friends - it seems like the social circles are pretty settled. I find that this campus is overbearingly athletic, and the social scene is largely excluding to non-athletes like myself. Because there are no frats here, virtually all of the parties are thrown by sports teams. I never know if/feel like I am invited, and I never hear about them anyway. I think some other parties are thrown in freshman and upperclassmen dorms, but I don't know anybody and would feel really uncomfortable.</p>

<p>I am in a lot of extracurricular groups, so many that I had to drop one because I had no time for work or sleep. I joined mostly for hope of a nice social aspect. Sadly, it seems like the sports teams and a cappella groups are the only groups that guarantee a group of friends/throw steady parties. I'm really wishing now that I joined one of these, but it's probably too late/awkward to join these in mid-October.</p>

<p>I don't understand what's holding me back. I'm a tall, pretty handsome, smart guy. I was pretty quiet in high school, and I had a small, close-knit friend group. Maybe I'm just not used to being social on a regular basis. I have tried to become more outgoing with people I meet, but this hasn't really worked well. I feel really inarticulate and stupid in conversations, I hate my voice, and I never get my thoughts across well.</p>

<p>I'm very unhappy here, and I just want to have that memorable "college experience" I was expecting a few months ago: the close friends, the college girlfriends, the sex, the drinking. I know that I can change my situation, and I'm pretty confident that I will. I just want this to happen sooner than later - after all, my time is limited here.</p>

<p>Does anyone have any advice for me on how to be more social in college? To make more friends? To get into parties? To be happier/condfident in general in college? Feel free to share your first semester college story, whether it is similar to this one or not. I know I need more confidence, and that I need to put myself in more social situations sometimes. I know I can make this change and be happy here. I just need to think this out and put in more effort.</p>

<p>Thank you so much for reading this, and I greatly appreciate any advice you have to give.</p>

<p>JMS '18</p>

[testadvice]

<p>One potential way to feel better about where you are at is to remind yourself (since this will help us give more targeted advice please post on here as well). It may have been for purely academic reasons, but it may still help.</p>

<p>Just so I can visualize this, roughly how many students are at your school?</p>

<p>Also, being tall, smart, and handsome can help with dating (though it’s by non means a dealbreaker judging by some of the couples I saw in college), but it will not make you confident.</p>

<p>For the sake of disclosure, I went to a large university, so I am not an expert on the peculiarities of the liberal arts college social scene. However, I do know about transforming myself from someone with very little confidence into someone with a lot more confidence and I started to do so when I was at the exact same point in life you are now. You asked for stories, I could share mine, but a lot of my advice would not apply to you (for example, I was going to mention joining a fraternity until I read the rest of your post. </p>

<p>If your extracurriculars are taking up too much of your time and you are not meeting the kind of friends that you want changing activities might be a good idea. However, make sure to find out what kind of time commitment they expect because the odds of you having the same issue with lack of free time could resurface.</p>

<p>Confidence is something that you can take with you your whole life. I would recommend you read (or listen to via download on audible.com “Awaken the Giant Within” by Anthony Robbins. That booked helped me a lot when I was your age.</p>

<p>" I have tried to become more outgoing with people I meet, but this hasn’t really worked well." Could you elaborate. What makes you think it does not work well? Are you sure it has not worked well?</p>

<p>Here is some advice I would give all college students in your situation:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Go on Facebook and find some people at your school or in the surrounding area. If your interests are that obscure, that person will probably be as glad to find you as you are to find them. Search based on interests, area, and ages.</p></li>
<li><p>I know you said this about friends, but I would recommend that it is even easier to find people to date who have the same interests (compared with my Facebook idea) if you go to eHarmony, okcupid, or match.com it’s easy (especially on the last two to find people who have the same interests are the same age, etc.) Again, I know you were not looking for that, but in my experience, it’s sometimes easier to find people who have the same interests on there. Plus, if you have a significant other who shares your intellectual interests and depth, it will be easier to</p></li>
<li><p>If you want to get more specific with your interests, I/we can help you think of some ideas. I understand if your interests are so obscure that you do not want to risk your anonymity, so you are welcome to PM me if you want. Also, get a little more specific, as one of the other posters mentioned, about what would be someone who is deep (we may all have different images of who that person is).</p></li>
</ul>