Yet another lonely/upset freshman...

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hi, I know there are plenty of these posts but I don’t know what to do. I’m over 2/3 done with my first semester of school and academically, I’m doing great. I just feel like I haven’t been able to find my “niche” yet. I never had trouble making friends in high school, but now that I’m in college I feel like I suddenly became so much more socially awkward. I have a few acquaintances I talk to and go out with sometimes, but it mostly feels so forced to me. I feel like I’m always saying or doing the wrong thing to make friends.

I know the typical advice is to “Join clubs! Eat with other people! Get a job! Keep your door open!” but it just doesn’t seem to lead to anything. I’m a music major, so I often have to spend the evenings and nights attending concerts, but I’ve still tried joining a few clubs; I just don’t seem to click with anybody even if we share some common interests. My floor isn’t particularly close (I chose to room with an acquaintance from a summer camp, but she ended up dropping out and I now live alone), and while I have an on-campus job, I work alone and don’t meet people. I feel like I’m intruding when I sit with other groups to eat, and I just sort of sit there and watch the conversation go by.

I just feel really stuck. I’ve been going to the counselling center on campus, but my appointments are every 2-3 weeks and I don’t feel like I’m making any progress or feeling much different. If I’m really confident and happy one week, I quickly return back to feeling down and upset the following week. The biggest shock in coming to college is that nobody really cares about me and what I do with my life. I just feel very insignificant. I don’t really know if I’m looking for advice or sympathy, I just feel like I’ve exhausted all my options. I’d consider transferring, but I feel like that would just make my social situation worse.

2

Someone suggested yesterday to a student to join a service group. You would be working on a common project. Or ask someone to study with you. Ask someone at the clubs to do something with you. You don’t have to click in a best friend way. You talk to no one in your music classes? Go with no one to concerts?

In the real world, you don’t just move some place and have people who care about you. It takes time.

How about a volley ball club. Some sports thing in which you exercise and are on a team.

3

Keep going to counseling, first. Second, it really takes a year sometimes. I’m a strong extravert and it was second semester of college before I really found my group. I think it’s harder now with social media and phone keeping students connected to their life back home.

Hang in there!

4

You are doing the most important thing first, doing well academically. There’s so much to learn when you first start college, and so many preconceived notions about how it is all supposed to unfold. Funny enough, sometimes letting go of those preconceived notions while just staying open can be freeing. Stay open to friendships, they just might happen.

5

I’m curious…what size school are you are? I see so many students feeling as you do. I am wondering if this is more common at large schools. I am beginning to think your generation is having a tough time socially due to growing up with so much technology (IPhone, laptop, tablet etc.). I really feel for you. Hang in there.