College Freshman, would you rather have done a gap year?

I’m blessed with an 18 year old boy who decided not to go to the school he was enrolled in. He has been sitting at home for 2 months now “deciding what he wants to do”. He knows he wants to go to school next September, but he doesn’t know where. He is very introverted and probably suffers from anxiety or depression (it’s not outward). His mother and I are actually glad that by taking the year off he prevented failing out his freshman year.

I would be curious to know who of you out there might have wished you had done something different this year, or when you were a freshman, or if you are a parent of someone like my son. We need some ideas for what to do this year.

Is he getting help for the mental health issues first?

There are students who can’t wait to leave home and go to college. And then there are others who are burnt out by the workload and stress of high school or who have anxiety and other medical needs that require a more thoughtful, tailored, approach to the college search and attendance decision. Such students should be encouraged to take a gap year. Students with anxiety and depression in particular can use the year to get necessary psychiatric and therapeutic support. They can be encouraged to find jobs that help them improve their social skills, social competence and confidence. Students with anxiety and depression usually need to go to college close to home where their psychiatrist, therapist and family members are nearby to provide a necessary support network. Nothing matters more than a child’s safety and happiness, and your son is very fortunate that you support his decision to take a gap year.

@ilovebillyjoel, if I were you, the FIRST thing I would do would be to get my son evaluated by a professional. You don’t want to play around with something as serious as mental illness. You want him to be around for a long time, right? This is the age mental illness emerges in a lot of people.

And yes, I have some experience in this arena. Too much. At first, it was easy to be in denial - “It’s just a phase - he will snap out of it.” That might be true for some kids, but not all. It’s just not something you want to take a chance on.

My anxious kid is thriving at college, but we did explore multiple gap year options.

One program to look into is the National Outdoor Leadership School, or NOLS. They have many trips around the country, and the world, lasting from a semester in length to as few as 8 days. There are several upcoming short trips that still have a space or two available. While they aren’t inexpensive, they might help build his confidence.

Current gap year student – made the decision last minute and have no regrets. I am also super introverted, like your son, and am recovering from a few years of dealing with anxiety and depression. One of my main goals for this year is to get over all that. Right now, I’m doing a part-time internship and next semester, I’m going to use some money I saved up to go backpacking/WWOOFing in Europe and Asia.

As for suggestions, do you think he would be interested in traveling, either WWOOFing or one of those group travel programs? Also, there’s always tons of local community service and job opportunities.

As someone with overprotective parents, I disagree with the person who said that it’s important for students with anxiety or depression to attend a school close to home. That may limit his growth, make his mental illness out to be a bigger crutch than it is, and cause animosity if that’s not what he wants.

Stumbled across this article the other day, you may be interested: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/11/magazine/why-are-more-american-teenagers-than-ever-suffering-from-severe-anxiety.html

@pleasgod - I didn’t say at all that "it’s important for students with anxiety and depression to attend school close to home. What I did say is that “Students with anxiety and depression usually need to go to college close to home where their psychiatrist, therapist and family members are nearby to provide a necessary support network.” This means that if a student’s mental illness only becomes apparent on the cusp of their departing for college, then, to answer OP’s original question, a gap year, in which diagnosis and treatment can be established and hopefully become effective, is a necessary step towards the student’s goal of attending college safely, wherever the college is located. Apparently you made that decision for yourself as well, and not because your parents are “over-protective.” But parents who have done the really hard work of caring constructively for kids with anxiety and depression do have to walk a fine line between respecting their child’s decisions about college and their own deep-seated concerns about their child’s ability to cope successfully with the immense challenges of college life. These challenges can even be overwhelming for neuro-typical students. For neuro-atypical young adults, it is critically important for a support network of family, college counsellors, therapists, doctors, etc., to exist wherever the student chooses to attend college to ensure their physical safety and emotional stability. It requires an open, honest conversation between students, parents and therapists to make the decision about where a child can attend college safely and successfully. Initially, college close to home is often the choice of students with anxiety disorders. The decision to transfer to a college further from home can always happen later after the student has learned how to manage their anxiety and depression with the support of trained professionals.

For the benefit of other readers, my daughter said she kind of wished she had considered a gap year, but it was never on her radar. She was still 17 when she started college, which isn’t that unusual, but when many kids are now taking gap years it can make a big difference. One of her friends is about to turn 21 and is only a sophomore. She wonders why she was in such a rush.

Her high school friend did take a gap year. She was also on the younger side for her year. She worked, did a month-long course in Thailand related to her field of study, addrressed some anxiety issues, and has no regrets. She initally deferred from her chosen college, so didn’t have to begin that process again.

I’m definitely encouraging D18 to consider a gap year once her admissions decisions are in. I think a full year off would be an incredible opportunity for her to step out of the academic grind so she can work and travel and simply have another year to mature before heading off. She is also young for her class (summer birthday).