<p>Wow...this is all great information...thanks for all of the advise...I am actually very excited about my parents coming with me...I couldn't imagine moving in without them...(however, I like the idea of parents leaving a reasonable time...like eric posted)...I am a transfer student but I just stayed at home and went to a community college to save money and this is the first time that my parents will actually "send me off"...I am glad that this doesn't look dorky....(I am very close to my family)...plus I look forward to inviting them to Parents Weekend!!! It should all be fun and it is definitely something to look forward to...like all of you guys said above...it shouldn't be done any differently...:)</p>
<p>Definitely get the parents to come. It will give them a chance to leisurely take in the university and make sure that you are set up comfortably. At my D's college, the school even had meetings we parents could attend. Plus, this will be a good chance to get your parents to pay for things that you might need for your room.</p>
<p>Having said that, your parents should have something planned for "after the drop off." Something in the vein of sightseeing/vacation. There is a real sadness that comes after dropping your kid off at college and it is good to have something fun to do afterward.</p>
<p>smiles- </p>
<p>actually, the massive orientation staff (probably 150 people for 900 freshmen) serves as the movers. pull up your car after waiting in line for maybe 15 minutes and they take care of the rest. its a beautiful thing. but i digress.</p>
<p>the school doesnt give anyone the boot at 4pm (or 5pm... its sometime before dinner; move-in ends at noon for context). however, that is when contact between parents and students ends. the parents get their orientation at that time and the students begin theirs. parents are asked to leave campus when their orientation concludes. </p>
<p>i agree that it sounds harsh, especially to the ear of a parent who just travelled across the country (and wrote a big check to do so!). however, it is clearly marked in the orientation materials that parents will be asked to depart, so its not as if it comes as a surprise. and compared to the alternative, that of parents hanging around campus for days, its a good thing. </p>
<p>they have students running around constantly, anyway. im not sure thered be bonding time for parents (at the expense of bonding time with hallmates) even if they did stay.</p>
<p>I've moved 3 into dorms as freshmen and I really don't think I ever saw a student moving in without a parent or some other family member in attendance. By all means include your parents and enjoy your big day!</p>
<p>It's important for your parents to be able to visualize your room, surroundings etc. so that when you call, they will be able to "place" you. Invite them along!</p>
<p>okay...what about this spin...if the parents live within close range (less then 5 hours) do you feel it is appropriate for a parent to just "drop by" on afternoon unexpected as a surprise...</p>
<p>don't get me wrong, I am all for my parents visiting but I would want them to give me a 'heads up' so I could get all of my work done early so I would actually have time with them...how could someone tell their parents nicely that they don't want them just 'showing up' without warning?</p>
<p>Just tell your parents nicely...</p>
<p>I think most parents (at least those who still have a functional memory and remember what their own college lives were like) wouldn't drop in unannounced - I know we never would! I agree with ellemenope - bring up the issue nicely, perhaps with a bit of humor, and I'm sure your parents will be agreeable about calling first. </p>
<p>My husband's parents once made the 2.5 hour drive to visit him unannounced when we were in college. His room was a mess, he was studying for a huge exam, his roommate was sleeping off a major hangover, and his parents are still talking about the reception they received 30-plus years later. They never dropped in without warning again.</p>
<p>HA! The unannounced parents visit.</p>
<p>1977, my boyfriends parents drove 2 hours on a Sunday morning to take him to church and then lunch (unannounced). We were in his room, under the covers watching TV and smoking cigarettes, when there was a quiet knock on the door. Thinking it was his roommate, he called out, "it's cool, come on in!" His parents nearly had heart attacks. </p>
<p>It was tough facing them after that. They'd always thought I was a "nice" girl. I was. I was just "nice" to their son!!!</p>
<p>awin - my S is transferring to for next year and I think the qx of whether it seems childish for parents to come along for move-in/orientation rears its head a little more strongly in that situation.</p>
<p>If he chooses the school I think, it will be about an 8-hour drive. And, Yes, we plan to go. It's a more convenient form of transport for moving in "stuff;" we'd like to attend any sessions they might have for parents which are relevant to transfers (if there are any such thing s;). )..</p>
<p>I don't think you need to worry about what people think. Tons of kids will have parents helping them re-move-in, I'm guessing, if they're upperclassmen and almost all freshmen will. Once the activities start, parents often go their way and kids their way to different sessions. The times they are together are when sessions meant for the combo. My S didn't sit with me for convocation; I sat with other parents I'd newly met and that was fine with me.</p>
<p>And, imo, parents should not drop in unexpectedly on their college student - no matter how close or far they live. For one thing, they might not even <em>find</em> the student (off at class, out to eat, at the fitness center.... who knows?). Parents should suggest they'd like to visit, find a mutually agreeable time, plan to take the kid and friend(s) out for a free meal ;), and not be surprised if the kid sets a limit on how much time s/he is available to visit with the parental units.</p>
<p>Orientation and Move in Days have a schedule of activities for parents and at Duke most parents were there..look online at your class page.
At Duke, parents were offered some good brief lectures on day one (financial aide, meet faculty member who was a dorm resident, foreign study) and there was a suggestion on when it was time for the parents to clear the scene. We had a lovely convocation service, students lined up to sign the Honor Code and then parents vacated the premises. (OK, I was throwing up in the hotel room (?psychosomatic sudden illness) and had to watch the Convocation feed on my computer later at home) Not to worry though...Parents' Weekends at all colleges are very warm and welcoming. Also, I think "the culture of each college" should be factored in when parents consider dropping into town. At University of Virginia for instance, many parents I know take kids out for lunch when passing through there for business or whatever and there are just many many alum parents with current students who come for other events to Charlottesville. At Duke where there are only 15% of students from the Carolinas, it is odd for parents to show up frequently. We "pretend" our S is far away and only show up for main events or when invited for a special occasion although it is tempting since S is actually not far from us geographically.<br>
Parents should always call first and negotiate things like visits. It is also smart to talk to your parents very nicely about when to initiate cell phone calls and with what frequency. My view is that there is no right way to do that as each family is totally different re boundaries and needs to chat. But it helps if the student initiates the calls or sets up a reasonable routine for checking in themselves by phone. My son calls once a week unless he has a problem of some kind. We find he is very chatty and forthcoming if we resist calling him in between this routine that works for his personality. I do envy those parents of chatty Ss and Ds who like to talk more often and are still quite independent people sans parents (a new age! in the 70s we used snail mail and infrequent phone calls) but we have found what works for us and we stick to it with our S.</p>
<p>I agree, we wouldn't do drop-in visits. My oldest went to school only 2 hrs away and I think I was on campus a total of 4 times--move in freshman, move in one apartment, move in another apartment and graduation. A couple other times we met him at a restaurant and never saw the room or apartment.</p>
<p>Youngest is only 1 hr. away-- if I am going to be in area, I give him a call and see if he and any friends have time to go out to eat.</p>
<p>"a new age! in the 70s we used snail mail and infrequent phone calls"
I love cell phones! When I was in school I only talked to my parents every other Sunday afternoon, now my kids and I can talk whenever we wish.</p>
<p>I have a kid at a college about an hour away from home. I would never think of "dropping in." (I remember how I would have felt if my parents did it to me.) But we communicate regularly, mostly by e-mail. I love e-mail.</p>
<p>Justamom--great story and a good reason to call ahead. I don't think my poor heart could take it!</p>
<p>JustaMom, I had to read your story twice to realize that what your boyfriend's parents were objecting to was the fact that you and he were obviously sexually active. </p>
<p>Nowadays, I think parents would be more likely to be upset about the cigarettes. At least I would be.</p>
<p>At my daughter's school there were people there greeting everyone, grabbing boxes and bringing them in. We then helped with the regular stuff--Target run, lofting of beds, etc. During this entire time there were sessions for parents if we had wanted to attend. Later in the afternoon there was convocation and then dorm intros and a reception for all the families. What was great about this was once we met all the support staff in the dorm (RA's, House Fellows, Computer Guy, Health Person, Tutoring Person, etc) it felt like we were leaving her in good hands. At 5:00 we were advised to give our goodbyes. The parents all went to the parent dinner where there was excellent advice about letting go (huge theme). We were invited to a school brunch the next morning, but did not see our D as she was off getting orientated. Because I knew her schedule I was tempted to try and find her--but resisted the temptation. A couple days later she told me about seeing moms in the bushes watching their kids a day later. The picture I get in my head of this is just priceless.</p>
<p>mythreedd, you daughter won't understand until she has to drop off a daughter of her own at college--she may be tempted to hide in the bushes then.</p>
<p>I think when I go next week for June advising I will start scoping out the best bushes in which to hide. And I guess I better pack some camo gear; those were careless parents, allowing themselves to be spotted!</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the input guys....this is all great information...(and many of them are hilarious to read...:) )...I couldn't imagine my parents hiding in the bushes looking out for me...especially if they were in camo gear....lol...that would definitely be a sight...</p>