<p>After reading through these posts, it honestly doesn’t surprise me how little the world has truly changed in the past couple thousand years. We may have all our technology, our sophisticated clothes, our nice places to live, but underneath all the facade lies the same human mentality. </p>
<p>Ladies, i’m sorry to say this, but we have to face it: rape and sexual assault are still chiefly considered our fault. The “evil Eve” concept is still sneakily at work in our Western society. When a man lusts after a woman, many people still consider it to be the woman’s doing. But hey, look on the bright side. In many countries women are forced to be veiled and covered for this reason!</p>
<p>Since the law and our society is not on our side, we have to do what we can to protect ourselves and prevent the worst from happening: </p>
<ul>
<li>Always try to stay in groups after dark. Even in safe areas. </li>
<li>Learn what your drinking limit is and don’t exceed it, and maybe have a sober friend to monitor you. </li>
<li>Never hesitate to call for security to escort you somewhere. Most universities have this service, use it. Have that number on speed dial.</li>
<li>Don’t ever go home with someone you don’t know.</li>
<li>Trust your gut instinct. If something or some place doesn’t feel right, LEAVE!</li>
<li>Don’t reveal too much about yourself in public places or on the internet. People can use this information to find you. </li>
<li>Just be smart! Don’t ever assume the law will take your word for something without evidence. If you are assaulted or raped, you MUST report it RIGHT AWAY.</li>
</ul>
<p>Usually about four nights a week (you should see some of my posts on here), but go on…</p>
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<p>And what if they tried to get you to drive them to another party? Would it be their fault if you got a DUI going there, or would it be yours? My point is, people know that they can make bad decisions when they drink too much, and they do it anyways. Alcohol shouldn’t be an excuse for making bad decisions.</p>
<p>No, what I’m trying to say is that it is easy to trick someone drunk enough to do something they don’t want to. I’m not defending those people out there who regret having drunk consensual sex and crying rape. I’m defending those people who are not in a position to be making decisions.</p>
<p>@Junebug – So sad but very true. I have so much more to say on the issue, but I know none of the men who keep on arguing about it here will never understand. (There are men here who get it though, kudos to them.)
It’s sad that women have so many things to consider when we just want to have fun. It’s apparently our job to make sure no one breaks the law with us. We shouldn’t grind, wear provocative clothes, or drink…not because they disagree with someone’s morals, but because we might make a guy want to have sex with us, which is obviously our fault.</p>
<p>It’s funny these “tips for not being a rape victim” are very similar to “tips for not being ■■■■■■■■.”</p>
<p>If someone gets mugged on a dark street at night, would you say it’s their fault? No. Would you say there are some decisions that person could’ve made that would have prevented that occurrence? Yes.</p>
<p>Everyone should realize the risks that they face when they choose to do something (go partying, go swimming, go hiking), and then choose to take actions that will minimize that risk. This is called being smart.</p>
<p>I don’t think that rape and sexual assault are a lady’s fault (unless of course they are the ones doing the raping or assaulting), and I’m fairly certain that the people arguing here aren’t arguing for that either.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure that the reason this discussion has been going in this direction is because of the issue of mutual inability to give consent. And men, like women, don’t like situations where they are assumed to be at fault just by virtue of being in that situation (Ex. Two people have drunk sex, man is accused of rape.) The issue isn’t that women are inherently at fault, rather its that some of the cases presented in this thread seem to assume that the men are inherently at fault. And I’m sure that most women would probably dislike such a thing as well. An action that many in this thread argue would be legal (sex with both parties inebriated equally) is being declared as the man’s fault; which is just as unfair as it being the woman’s fault.</p>
<p>So, the arguments that some of the men have presented may have come out sounding rather sexist in their attempt to justify their ability to be innocent of rape and have drunken sex; which may or may not be an innocent justification.</p>
<p>At least, that’s the only reason that I can think that you would believe that this thread indicates that society still blames women for rape.</p>
<p>I think that an issue with this thread, and there are several (lack of moral tact being one), is that many are concerned with the men who are being taken advantage of by women who exploit the system (this is different than believing that rape is the fault of women). There seems to be this fear on CC that somehow current rape laws are allowing thousands of women across the country to put innocent male college students behind bars for crimes they have not committed. Which seems a bit unreasonable, but I don’t have anything to back that up.</p>
<p>EDIT: And it seems that I revived this for no apparent good reason.</p>
<p>The people here that think rape is “the women’s fault” at all, either by flirting, dressing in a certain manner, or deciding to drink, are simply a vocal minority, and mostly misogynistic morons.</p>
<p>I understand the argument that you could actually be a sober prude all the time to reduce your chances of being seen as a “rape target,” but that is akin to the argument that, to avoid all crime, you should simply never leave the house. It is ridiculous - although I agree that girl friends should always be looking out for each other.</p>
<p>I think rape is a terrible tragedy that is not going to go away (like murder), and there are probably ways to avoid it or defend against it if you’re a girl, but there are still going to be rapes that happen. I just hope people have the courage to screw over their perpetrators as quick as possible. Hell, if I found out any of my female friends were raped, I would probably go beserk on the guy and might possibly kill him. Ah well.</p>
<p>The words “slut” and “whore” have shown up on this thread a few too many times for my liking. I agree with what a lot of posters have described as a “hostile” world for rape victims and I think that until victims are more comfortable with reporting this crime there is still going to be too much of a gray area in defining what conditions prior to and during sex make the incident rape. I still have trouble telling if I was raped this past summer just because I feel a lot of the blame falls on myself (in terms of consenting to all the activities that led to the forced sex). </p>
<p>I was 18 and had been seeing a 32 year old coworker at the place I was interning at. We went on a few dates and kept our relationship private mainly to maintain a professional work environment and because of the obvious age gap. After about a month I starting sleeping with him even though I wasn’t comfortable with (mistake #1), then one weekend I agreed to spend time with him in a hotel without telling my parents or sister what I was really up to (mistake #2). So I ended in a hotel room with a man I’d only known for about a month and my only way home was with his car. I was still pretty sore from what we’d been doing that week so I told him to stop when things started going too far and at this he replied “no, I need to ***” I was too shocked after hearing that to reply (he’d never talked to me like that before, he’s an accountant) so I just lay there crying until he finished. </p>
<p>Afterward I didn’t know how to feel and still feel numb/confused/stupid. All I know is that he put my well-being aside to satisfy his own urges and left me feeling disgusted with myself and by sex in general. I haven’t really told anyone about this but even typing it out is somewhat helpful. I told a few people that I was dating an older man (before anything sexual happened) and they too used the words “slut” and “ho” to describe my role in the relationship; they said this in jest but it still stuck with me.</p>
<p>I wish I knew what to say, but knowing that nobody ever seems to have whatever magical words I need to hear I know there probably really isn’t anything I can say. I’d be interested in knowing how you are now and how you coped, if you’d feel comfortable PMing me.</p>
<p>The was a time when rape was almost unheard of in the United States — a crime reserved for more under-developed regions of the world. But we don’t find that reassurance or convenience in today’s America. What we do find is the exploitation of sex in hollywood, the flaunting of sin all over the web, and a blatant disregard of commitment in every facet of American thinking. </p>
<p>When morals are removed, when sin is “fun”, and when a magazine can’t be read without seeing references to immorality, there will come a destructive mentality which will fill the nation…</p>
<p>Eagle7, I don’t think it’s a matter of “sin.” I watch porn, I have had premarital sex, but I would never rape a woman. I don’t need to fear of an eternity in hell to keep me from doing bad things. The knowledge that some things are just bad, plus the knowledge that doing bad things can either keep me in a dark cell for life or be executed, keep me from doing bad things.</p>
<p>The problem isn’t that sex is much more liberally accepted than it was 50 years ago; it’s that people don’t educate their kids to be good citizens. They aren’t conditioned well.</p>
<p>There are plenty of reasons why people rape. From an outside view (yours), there doesn’t seem to be any beneficial reasons. Nor does it benefit anyone in society. I would say you are being very narrow minded if you’re only thinking of benefitting yourself though.</p>
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<p>There is no such thing as right or wrong. The world isn’t like Disney made you believe.</p>
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<p>That’s extremely subjective and only works from an outside perspective.</p>
<p>Again, rapists are not evil bastards. Put in a certain situation, I garuantee you any guy would rape a woman.</p>
<p>And I can guarantee you are wrong, on both counts. It takes a sick person to even think those thoughts. Rape is not ok or normal or healthy under any circumstance. Period.</p>