<p>I think my kids would call me and ask for advice. Moot point, as neither has a car on campus. Which brings me to a point - if buying your kid laundry service is spoiling, how about giving them a car to drive? How about paying for plane tickets home? How about paying for a cab or car service from the airport back to campus?</p>
<p>One of my kids is in need of getting some good “investment clothes” for interviewers, internships, etc. I’m not planning to do this, but I could see hiring a personal shopper to help with this. It might be a better use of funds to have a pro think thoughtfully about it all. I’m just not sure i see that as any kind of moral statement.</p>
<p>After reading this thread, I have a new appreciation for the young adults I know- both my own kids and those they surround themselves with. Competence and dealing with the world beyond their own doorstep seem to be skills they value. I had taken it for granted that most young adults felt the same way, but maybe not.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The laundry question was handled and put to rest in this thread already. No one here is saying that any one particular farmed out chore is spoiling. Of course there’s no moral statement in that. You’re trivializing the comments here. </p>
<p>It’s about allowing your kids to live in a bubble where there is no need for any inconvenience on their part, and no need for them to be bothered by the consequences of any situations they may create. If you have never seen kids crippled by this kind of parenting, maybe you haven’t been close enough to people who live this way to see the fallout.</p>
<p>My D linked to the WSJ article on her FB with a comment to the effect of - I should find this Babson student, charm him and then get his concierge to do my vacuuming and laundry. I laughed when I saw it. I thought it was funny. Sometimes you just have to have a sense of humor. This “problem” is at the margin anyway.</p>
<p>People are free to do what they choose with their money, but I don’t understand how any parent thinks it’s okay to send their child into the world with limited skills. Did anyone notice that all of the college students using these services, are young men?</p>
<p>Because some of these skills can be learned in 10 minutes. Like Bay, I didn’t do laundry growing up. My mother saw that as her job. When I went to school and needed to know, I got a 10-minute tutorial. Over and done. I don’t know how to hem my own pants or change my own oil. If I needed to, I’m sure I could learn very quickly. I never mowed a lawn til I was in my thirties and my husband decided to teach me. Again, I learned that in 10 mins. I know how to sew on buttons but honestly I’d just rather pay the drycleaner to do it. It’s of no less “self-reliant” than stopping by Starbucks to get coffee.</p>
<p>It’s not that these skills are difficult to learn. But one must be motivated and taught. </p>
<p>A former professor of mine was raised like a princess. Similar to the story about the young man upthread, she had servants, nannies, a driver – the whole shebang. This also meant that she was dependent on her family for everything and tightly controlled. She moved to the U.S. shortly after she was first married and had to learn everything on her own. </p>
<p>Her stories about her attempts to clean the house and cook a simple meal are hilarious. But her point was that she had no personal freedom because she had no idea how to care for herself or others. </p>
<p>Eventually a kind neighbor mentored her and she was able to clean the kitchen without flooding it and cook a meal without the aid of a fire extinguisher. She divorced the husband and became a forensic scientist.</p>
<p>Since my son is on a full ride scholarship that includes housing he has been completely independent his entire college career. </p>
<p>Since he had his own money he was able to pooh pooh my reservations at his choice of sophomore summer apartment (with broken glass on the stoop and old cigarettes in the yard). The beauty of it was at the end of the summer he said “Okay, I admit it, you were right. It was a dump and I want something nicer” 
(mom victory!) but he learned that lesson on his own. If I had the purse strings maybe I would refuse to pay for a hovel and he would be worse off in the end seeing me as interfering instead of wise. (IMHO)</p>
<p>Nothing like a lesson learned the hard way!</p>
<p>I don’t think the examples of concierge use in the article evidence that these students live in a bubble or don’t do anything for themselves. Even the speeding ticket - we don’t know enough about the circumstances to judge whether the student took an active role in its resolution. The violation obviously required a personal appearance, that may have fallen on an exam day for all we know. The student may have paid the fine and the lawyer himself. All the concierge service may have done is find a lawyer in another state who had the expertise he needed. I would certainly take advantage of a service that could do that for me. It is hard to find an appropriate lawyer in ones own state, let alone another state. </p>
<p>I am sure there are people who think those parents who pay for their adult children’s expensive private college education, including room and board, clothing, travel expenses, etc are harming the development of these children by not making them pay for it and fend for themselves on their own. Why do some people here feel they get to be the judge of which accommodated tasks and responsibilities are okay and which are damaging to ones development?</p>
<p>Jamie,
Weren’t you the one who said that if the student is not using his own earned money then he won’t learn to appreciate anything? How do you square that thought with the fact that someone else is picking up the full tab for your son?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is the strangest example. The son chose to move from campus. Wouldn’t most kids realize they need to buy a bed, towels, sheets etc? It’s not like the kid doesn’t have money. Maybe the mom is just helicoptering. My kid would be on the floor until he decided to get a bed himself. </p>
<p>And to answer your question Bay, we judge because we have opinions 
My perspective is if your children don’t have basic skills you are doing the world a disservice. And this is not about wealth or privilege, it’s about good parenting. Money – even wealth – can be gone in an instant. Young people need to be prepared for life, without mommy & daddy and their millions.</p>
<p>Agent99,
If the kid always has millions, he will never need to buy his own furniture. If he has to buy his own furniture after he graduates, how is that different from a student who lived in the dorms or at home all four years?</p>
<p>^ It’s quite possible and even probable that the young man in question may never have to purchase furniture. IMO there are self-defining skills and self esteem boosting experiences that come from choosing the nature of our personal environments, making one’s own decisions and learning to be resourceful. </p>
<p>It’s not just about money or values. It’s about developing as a person.</p>
<p>Agent99
Using your rationale, would putting up posters of ones own choosing satisfy your requirement? How about if he adds a throw rug?</p>
<p>Not everyone cares about their decor or believes it defines them. I never decorated my offices the way some of my colleagues did because I felt it was unprofessional. That is my prerogative.</p>
<p>Adding posters and a throw rug would be great. It’s not about the furniture, it’s about making choices and being responsible for oneself, regardless of wealth. </p>
<p>That’s my parenting style. It may not be yours and it certainly isn’t for the parents of the student in question.</p>
<p>My parenting style is to recognize that not everyone likes or cares to do every task presented to them, and so I offer my help and guidance to family members whenever I can. If this means I buy my son’s furniture when he is a sophomore in college, I don’t see any harm in that. He helps me figure out computer-related things that I am too lazy to figure out on my own. I don’t think that makes me or him a burden to society or lacking in character.</p>
<p>Btw, Agent99, do you call every college student’s parents “mommy and daddy?” or just the parents who have “millions?”</p>
<p>I know several parents who have helped their girls furnish their first apartments. I wouldn’t do that for my son, but we’re helping him in many other ways. He’s learning to scrounge for free stuff, but as I say, we’re helping him plenty. I can see why parents of international students would pay for someone to help their kids in a way that the distant parents can’t. The parties are silly, imo, but not really my business.</p>
<p>Bay: Maybe because he does his own laundry? :D</p>
<p>Just kidding. Winning a scholarship, getting financial aid, or having your tuition paid by parents isn’t exactly analogous to having a concierge.</p>